My father in law is avoiding me and I don't know what to do: Advice?

Currently, my FIL is avoiding me, and I don’t know how to handle it anymore. Some basic info; my FIL is difficult for me to talk to as he is very reactive to any criticism and always expects people to react a certain way. IE: said he was extremely hurt when I didn’t get him a glass of water and got someone else one. Back story: a year and a half ago, my FILs dog bit our son. After that point, the dog could not be around our son. My husband and I agreed he could be brought over ( since if he couldn’t be brought over, his dad wouldn’t come over, and that was important to my husband). Two months ago, I came home and found my son holding the dog’s leash in the backyard with my FIL present. I am extremely nervous talking to my FIL because every time I do, it causes tension and stresses out my marriage. So I separated my son via distraction and spoke to my FIL after my son went to sleep. I’m a pretty direct person, so I said directly that it was not ok and under no circumstances would it happen again. He later talked to my husband and said he had never felt so disrespected and has avoided me since. He still comes over to see the kids when I’m not there, but other than that has little engagement with my husband and none with me. So we didn’t go there for Thanksgiving since he isn’t speaking to us. He then told my husband that he was extremely hurt and feels his husband doesn’t care about him because he didn’t come for Thanksgiving. Christmas is coming. We agreed to invite him over, but I’m not really on board because he will ignore me most likely. Honestly, I don’t want to get divorced over this. How do I deal with my FIL?

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You and your husband need to sit down and get on the same page. The FIL needs to respect your wishes regarding your child whether he agrees or not. Either that, or he needs to stay away from your child.

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Stop worrying about FIL feelings or trying to make him happy. Your job is to protect your son. Tell your husband that you are not on board with FIL coming for Christmas. Clear communication is key.

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Does he have a wife who is afraid to be direct with him? Has he always expected her to walk on eggshells? If that is the case he isn’t used to be told anything by any woman. You shouldn’t be hard on yourself for that, you did the right thing.

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Tell your husband to stop being such a bitch and tell his dad, that you all love him but when he comes to YOUR house that you nwill not be disrespected by him coming over and doing whatever he wants to. Your house, your rules! You set your rules in your house to protect your family!

Your job is to please ur son and husbands NOT the in laws. And protecting your son is part of that. If your husband cannot support you in the matter, then ur husband is an issue as well.

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Your Fil sounds extremely manipulative and I wouldn’t want to be around him either. It would be extremely rude for him to come to your house and ignore you and very disrespectful. I wouldn’t invite him unless he can act his age. It’s not up to you to talk to him, it’s up to your husband. Tell him how uncomfortable this makes you and ask him to set his father straight and either treat you with respect or he won’t be in your lives.

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It’s COVID… he can fuck himself with the thanksgiving bullshit.

Also HE felt disrespected nah I would not be having this man around my child. He needs to respect you or stay away permanently

Sometimes we have to be the bigger person bite the bullet and say sorry for something we didn’t do. Maybe sitting down with him and saying sorry that things have gotten so bad between you two and letting him know you don’t like animosity and kindly saying you’d like to make things right because you love your husband. Sometimes it’s okay to start over with someone. Then the ball is in his court and if he decides to not get on board then you know you tried and your husband will appreciate you for it.

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Sounds like all of the adults need to sit down and have a good talk. Not pointing fingers or blaming, but asking eachother what could strengthen the relationship and explain feelings and such.

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Your husband needs to get on the same page as his wife. He didn’t marry his father …he married you so tell him to put his wife and child first and put his father in his place. If he can’t then frankly I’d be gone fast. That is your sons safety not anything else.

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He’s not your dad why do you need him to speak to you? My in laws didn’t like me and my husband and kids continued their relationship as long as they didn’t disrespect me. My FIL has since passed and my MIL has come along and now loves me. I never felt I needed them to accept me, I have my own parents and family and it just didn’t matter to me. :woman_shrugging:

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Weasel down and give him what he wants but don’t cry when something happens to your boy from the dog.

What I mean by that is. You did and are doing the right thing. Sounds like FIL needs to put his big boy pants on and realize not his kid, not his choices.

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Dont let him manipulate you and your husband anymore…that is litterally exactly what hes doing, say straight up to your husband that either hes going to explain that the manipulation stops right now or you will tell him, if it ruins your marriage then that’s your husbands problem not yours cause hes obviously blind and your not…and you do not ever need to put up with that in your life

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Your FIL is toxic. You need to do what is best for your child. If your husband doesn’t support you, he needs to be an X

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Your FIL coming over for Christmas and ignoring you and/or your husband is extremely disrespectful. You guys allowing that to happen to “keep the peace” is only going to make things worse. You’ll be basically giving him the green light to come over to your house and disrespect you and your house any time he wants. You and your husband need to sit down and be on the same page about your FIL and your husband needs to address the issues with his father, set some boundaries and make it clear that disrespecting you will not be tolerated. I know you don’t want to have issues with your husband, but as his wife and mother of his child, he needs to put you and your marriage first. If after talking to your FIL he decides not to join you guys for Christmas, that’d be his choice not yours.

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Give FIL a box of tampons for xmas. Tell him to quit being a puy and quit being a little bch. Hes a grown man. This is a way after manipulation. Like playing the victim. Take some honest criticism and man up about it. Side note my FIL is the dramatic type “u never have time for me anymore. U dont love me anymore” we just compare him to his ex wife when he starts acting like that (he DESPISES her) and he acts right

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He’s emotionally blackmailing both of you to try and get you to do what he wants.

You need to get on the same page as your husband then stand your ground :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Oh my gosh, first of all, people like this are extremely toxic. You have to put your foot down when it comes to the safety of your child, and he needs to get over that. You should never have to walk on eggshells around someone just because they are sensitive. I have family like this too and I do offend them, but at the end of the day, I’m not gonna do something I don’t wanna do, I’m not gonna allow something I don’t wanna allow with my child, and I’m not going to take stuff that I don’t want or need (unless it’s gifted, but I’m talking about not gifted, just asked if I want it and I say no I don’t need it and won’t use it)

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Tell Grandpa to grow up .

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