My Fiancé Follows 'Half-Naked' Women on Social Media and It Makes Me Feel So Insecure: Advice?

QUESTION:

"Is it wrong for your fiancé to follow women on social media that post half-naked pictures every day? My fiancé and I have been together for five years and have two children together. One is 2, and the other is eight months.

My body has changed a lot and I’m very insecure about it. My fiancé never really followed women like that before, and today I noticed a picture as he was scrolling on Facebook (he even stopped scrolling to look at it), and when I asked him about it he laughed it off but it made me feel terrible that he’s looking at women like that all the time.

We’ve talked about this before and I thought that was the end of it but I guess not."

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Ladies, never let any man make you feel insecure about yourselves. Men who are engaging in this behavior are absolutely wrong and are essentially cheating! The sad thing is, this cheating behavior starts with looking at other women online, and then when that gets old, it escalates to other forms of cheating. Tell your men to shape up or ship out!”

“I stare more at naked woman than my husband does I wonder if he feels this way. I think women are all beautiful in their own way; we are gorgeous queens.”

“The sad thing is that so many people will defend this type of behavior and criticize you for having an issue with this. Maybe not all men will have the “one thing leads to another” but it seems to start with lusting over other women and will probably lead to something else. First looking online. Next liking the pictures or videos. Next fantasies. Next, messaging. Before you know it…bam, meeting in person. If it hurts you and he doesn’t care about that, then how can he ever say that he truly cares about you. You don’t continually and purposefully hurt someone you love. I’m sorry for what you are going through.”

“I say yes, because they start following then they start messaging and sending their own pics back and forth and then asking to meet up, etc.”

“If you are uncomfortable that’s something you need to work on as a woman. And he needs to work on as a partner. When you are comfortable in your own skin, and comfortable within your relationship, something on Facebook shouldn’t upset you. In my relationship, I have absolutely no problem with this, or porn or other women complimenting him. In other relationships, this would have destroyed me. So don’t feel like I’m in any way saying this is on you. I’m just giving perspective. This could be about your moral compass, your religion, or just your plain opinion. And all of that is ok. But if he’s not shady, if you are confident in your skin, if y’all are happy, then something so silly as a picture or a half-naked woman shouldn’t be an issue. And if it really really really is. Then he needs to respect that. And your feelings.”

“Pick your battles. Really, just because we are taken doesn’t mean we just stop thinking others are attractive. I’ve been in a relationship for 12.5 years. I don’t care who he looks at and he doesn’t care who looks at. It’s not cheating, it’s normal.”

“This all depends on what you are okay with. Me, personally, I could care less. But to some women, it is a deal-breaker. Communicate with him. Let him know it bothers you. If this continues, even after you expressed your feelings, then he has no respect and you should not be with a person who doesn’t respect or value your feelings.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

19 Likes

My husband of 5 years and father of my 10 year-old son just informed me that he was friends with a girl who would post onlyfans video clips on her Facebook story. He said he would watch it and get turned on by it but it took him 6 months to tell me. He did say that he felt terrible every time he did it but kept doing it and begged me to not be upset with him. I struggled with it for a really long time, but at the same time the fact that he at least admitted it to me without me finding it first made me want to give him a chance to redeem himself (mainly because our relationship had been improving so I was no longer going through his phone on a regular basis, which is no longer the case). However, this has not stopped my insecurities from flaring back up into overdrive, so bad that I stopped sleeping and eating and fell back into bad habits to cope.

I am so incredibly sorry you’re going through this, and wish you all the strength and courage to get through this very difficult time :broken_heart:

4 Likes

Ladies, never let any man make you feel insecure about yourselves. Men who are engaging in this behavior are absolutely wrong and are essentially cheating! The sad thing is, this cheating behavior starts with looking at other women online and then when that gets old, it escalates to other forms of cheating. Tell your men to shape up or ship out!

22 Likes

Fb has pop up adds, is he actually following this person or was it a pop up.
Also what if he were to watch porn? Would that make you feel the same.

I don’t think he should follow them, but people look at porn all the time (I know you are just talking about pictures). It’s called fantasies. Men and women both fantasize. I understand that it might make you more insecure. But is this something you can move past? That’s the only thing you need to ask yourself. In my opinion, him just looking at a picture shouldn’t make you insecure. If he “likes” it, follows them, then there’s something more going on and y’all need to discuss it (which you said he did follow so you need to discuss it to get to the deeper issue). Some questions y’all should discuss if you talk about it more: Are y’all not having sex enough in his opinion? Why is he looking at them? Why did he follow them? Does he know that other people can see the things he follows and likes on Facebook? Is he attracted to you? Are you attracted to him? What do both of you want in your sexual life? What can he do to make you feel better about yourself (you need to work on this as well)? Is he helping out around the house or are you burnt out doing it all (which might be the reason he’s looking at this stuff if your sexual life isn’t what he wants)?

These are just some questions, I think, that y’all need to ask each other. I don’t see looking at porn or pictures as cheating, but I do understand how it makes some people insecure. Do you fantasize about other men? Do you see a celebrity that has a “nice” body and go “ooooh”? In front of your husband?

No, I don’t think he should follow those women and look at them on a regular basis. But there’s obviously something deeper going on if he’s following them.

4 Likes

I stare more at naked woman than my husband does I wonder if he feels this way :eyes: I think women are all beautiful in their on way we are gorgeous queens

15 Likes

I say yes, because they start following then they start messaging and sending their own pics back and forth and then asking to meet up, ect. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

8 Likes

Yup. Fuck him. Leave.

The sad thing is that so many people will defend this type of behavior and criticize you for having an issue with this. Maybe not all men will have the “one thing leads to another” but it seems to start with lusting over other women and will probably lead to something else. First looking online. Next liking the pictures or videos. Next fantasies. Next, messaging. Before you know it…bam, meeting in person. If it hurts you and he doesn’t care about that, then how can he ever say that he truly cares about you. You don’t continually and purposefully hurt someone you love. I’m sorry for what you are going through.

9 Likes

He’s probably already tried to message them

1 Like

First of all fiancee? After 2 kids and 5 years?

1 Like

I think it’s okay. I don’t mind looking at cool pictures of men with abs on social media.

2 Likes

i always say you can look but you cant touch. && he tells me I’m beautiful and loves me how I am. I like men pictures too. Now if he was trying to message them or link up yup done deal! :v:t3:

3 Likes

He’s married not dead

4 Likes

You’re telling me he doesn’t also watch porn? Ever? Right?!

1 Like

Porn or half naked women are not ok when in a committed relationship

7 Likes

Pick your battles :woman_shrugging: really,just because we are taken doesnt mean we just stop thinking others are attractive. Ive been in a relationship for 12.5yrs. I dont care who he looks at and he doesnt care whoni look at. Its not cheating, its normal

7 Likes

I just think you would get really conflicting opinions from people. Saying that looking at pictures leads to more things is crap and I’m sorry but if you think your man’s going to start messaging a woman that he sees on fb then you have no trust what so ever. I look and follow beautiful men and women on social media. Do I ever want to message them. No lol. However if my husband said he had a problem with it then I’d stop following them. I think if you say you don’t like it and it make you feel insecure and he still doesn’t stop, then its a problem.

1 Like

If you trust him and he is with you then what’s the issue?

There is no right or wrong answer.

1 Like