My fiance hides stuff about his ex: Advice?

Just wanting to see if you all think I’m overreacting. My fiancé is divorced & they have a child together. He hides stuff from me about her; he’ll delete messages etc. It’s like they’re always texting or she’s calling him 20 times a day…(I have three kids with another man & we don’t talk hardly at all unless it has to do with one of the kiddos) We lost a baby last year & I seen messages where she said she hopes our babies keeping dying & that she’s glad he/she died (I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks) & that it was gods way of punishing him for them not being together etc. & honestly that has made me dislike her very much, but he overlooked it & doesn’t seem to care. Yesterday her mom called him I’m guessing & I heard him ask if they’ve called an ambulance (he ran out the door without telling me where he was going) & turns out she had overdosed (their child was at home with us) I’m not mad at him for going to help since he’s a nurse or whatever but he didn’t even tell me what he was doing It’s like he drops everything for her. I get the woman overdosed but still. Maybe I’m selfish idk anymore. And today it’s like he hates me & my children. He’s stayed in the bedroom most of the day even ate his dinner in there… like he’s avoiding me & my kids. Thanks for letting me rant.

77 Likes

I wouldn’t marry him, or he anywhere near him. That’s not okay, any of it. What matters is YOUR relationship with him, and his respect for you and his commitment towards you. Obviously something is going on between them, romantic or not it isn’t okay. You should be his priority at all times, not her. Especially with the garbage she’s said about your babies… he shouldn’t even have a second thought about walking away. The fact she has said she wants to be with him should have been enough for him to end the friendship and leave. There are soooo many red flags!!! Probably unresolved feelings on his part, especially with leaving and not telling you anything! SO NOT OKAY!

YOU :clap:t2: DESERVE :clap:t2: BETTER!!!
Don’t forget your kids are watching everything you say, do, and allow to happen.

14 Likes

Um yeah he’d be an ex real quick js

5 Likes

If this much deceit is going on before you get married, I would drop the fiance title. If you married him you both would be miserable.
Take some time for yourself and learn how much you are worth. You dont deserve to be lied to. You do not deserve to be overlooked and made to feel less then. You deserve more and you need to demand it from any man you are with

12 Likes

I’d let him know how you feel and that he needs to consider your feelings on the issue. If he doesn’t and you feel you can’t trust him or that he avoids you, you may want to reconsider the engagement…

6 Likes

Leave him, he’s not worth it.

2 Likes

He still wants to be with his ex he still loves her and he still wants to be with her and if you are not good enough and if he doesn’t love you enough to cut her out of the picture except when it has to do with the kid you need to move on

8 Likes

How long have you been together? Seems like he may be having a hard time breaking the habit of seeing her and their kids as his family unit. You need to have an honest talk with him about if he still has feelings for her. Are they divorced or only separated? You should come before her if you are who he is wanting to spend his life with, and if he can’t do that, byeeeeeeeeee.

5 Likes

Sounds like he’s not over her

2 Likes

Okay so then leave? So many mindless posts on here.

4 Likes

She is still the mother of his child. She’s probably been threatening suicide. That could be the reason for the communication. He’s hiding because he feels guilty. Give him a couple of days . His nurses training will kick in and he will realize she needs help, and it is not his fault.

2 Likes

Im sure it hurts you, it would hurt me as well. However maybe he knows she says hurtful things because she is beyond mentally ill and maybe he feels like he’s to blame for leaving her to begin with. Also he may be deleting the messages so it doesn’t hurt your feelings. Mental illness is scary and maybe he was the only person to truly listen to her. Try talking to him about it without getting yourself worked up (which is VERY hard) but needs to be done in order to move on and have a happy relationship, there shouldn’t be secrets if you both really trust each other. God bless you honey.

3 Likes

Give him back to his psycho ex!

5 Likes

Typically I’m the one who would say to work not out.

Not this time!

I would 100% end it. Like yesterday

10 Likes

I’d talk with him and depending in what is said, leave. My husband (before marriage) left me to use his grandmas car one night to go to work because he just took my car to go to an accident where his best friends girlfriend crashed. She didn’t call her boyfriend, she called mine. Yes we had issues, and we broke up for a few months. But it sounds like he isn’t over his ex, and/or she is giving him hope of a better relationship then they had before.

lol lot of dumb women on here. clearly hes cheating

4 Likes

You need to be prepared for your relationship to end but if you want to have the forever lasting marriage you have to address and talk through this issue.

2 Likes

Nope! You first or it won’t work!!! She’s not his problem, overdose or not!!! She’s her own adult and not for problem, especially since the kid was safe with you guys!

4 Likes

sorry do yourself a favour and close the door on him I had a two years old when I left mu first husband. If your not first now you never will be. mr right is not far away. xx Good luck.

6 Likes

Seems like he has a lot of care for her, I think you are mistaken his care for her as a person for something deeper. If he wanted to be with her he would, he is invested bc of the kid