My fiance and I have a two-year-old together (3 in January). I want our kids to be close in age. I tried to sit down and talk to him lately about having another. He is absolutely against it. We talked before about having at least 2; maybe 3, now it’s changed. I respect him and his choice, but it hurts. Advice?
Give him a little more time ?
If he’s not okay with it, don’t do it. You both need to be on board otherwise you run the risk of there being resentment between you, and you don’t want that.
He might just be stressed out right now. 2020 and 2021 has been hard. Give him some time. The more you push him the more he’s going to push back.
I wouldn’t have a 2nd with him- and personally I would feel resentful towards him if 2-3 children relatively close together in age was the plan all along. Might not bode well for the relationship long term if you aren’t on the same page about family size.
I know that marriage is just a piece of paper now days but maybe if you both had a wedding and then got pregnant on your honeymoon it would make it special for him and remind him how special having a bit of a bigger family really is
My partner didn’t want another… I always wanted 2 and tbh I actually told him when we was together at the beginning… he’s 12 year older than me… we have a 4 nearly 5 year old and now a 17 week old baby and god it’s HARD work!!! I wish I had them closer if I’m honest!!! He doesn’t help me much tbh! Not with the baby anyway… I don’t get to spend any time with jsut my eldest anymore because he won’t help with the baby… he hasn’t helped me through the night ONCE! Since she’s been born… it’s really really really getting to me now!!
It makes it harder and more stressful for me because he’s around but no help… it makes it a lot worse… my eldest is such a big cuddler and since having my youngest I must of cuddled her at leat 3 times in 17 week and it makes me feel like such a shit mum! But because my youngest is so clingy and mard all because her dad… when she was newborn he held her while she was asleep constantly as she got older and more awake he couldn’t be arsed with her. Soon as she makes a little cry he’s like omg why do you cry all the time… clearly doesn’t have time for her… xx
It’s a bad time to even think after talking about more , everyone is on edge , that’s probably where he is at , just give it some time , my son and daughter are 4 years apart ,nothing wrong with a few years if the timing isnt right, obviously it happens when its supposed to happens , but if hes not into it at this time , I wouldn’t even bring it up at this time .
I guess depends on how many times you guys have discussed it. Try giving him some more time, if he still says no after that, probably best not to push the issue any further
At first we both said one and done but after she was out of diapers I wanted to have that discussion again. Once she started to get more independent my husband was more on board about having that discussion. My husband was worried about money and taking away from our daughter at first. I quit my job I loved and went to a better paying job to prove I was serious. Being close in age doesn’t guarantee anything my husband and his sister are close in age and she choose to distance herself after their mother and grandmother passed always. My one brother and I are 5 years apart use to fight all the time but now are close
My boys are 3, daughter 11. I wanted another baby When the boys were 1 year old. Hé did not want One. I thought hè would never change his mind but last summer hè told me hè changed is mind And this summer our little boy will be born.
Hé changed his mind after I stopped talking about it. I talked And tryed channing his mind for a year. (Not every day ) we had a good talk in march last year And i never mention it again till hè did!
So what Everyone says, give him some time!!
Sometimes the idea is great until the reality. He probably did want two or three then you both had a child and he doesn’t want another. I’d ask why and see what he says. Maybe he’s doesn’t feel financially ready. Maybe the baby stage was tough and your two year old isn’t there anymore and he doesn’t want to do it again. I have a ten year old and a 20 month old. I do not want another child. I love my children. They require alot and I don’t want to start over for a third time
I would say keep talking to him about doing it because I have a boy and a girl and they are 2 years 2 months apart and that was about the right age difference that worked out good
Maybe see if time helps.
Talk to him, let him think about it… I have 4 all 11 months apart from an ex. My current boyfriend wants one of his own with me, but my youngest is only 5 turning 6 and he knows I’m not ready yet…
I would definitely give it time. When my second was born my first was turning 5. It was a good age gap and made things much easier.
13 years ago my husband (boy friend at the time) said he wanted one! We had one then 7 years after our first we had our second, the third and we just had our 4th… so might change his mind! Time and situations change everything!
Best advice…reapproach the subject on and off but don’t try to sneak once past the goalie and Oooops get pregnant on purpose when he isn’t ready. You’re going to risk him resenting you and it will create a wedge. Give him time
If he doesn’t wear a condom ur golden
(Numbering to keep thoughts in order not to be hateful)
Having kids close in age is such a “thing” but let me tell you…theres absolutely nothing wrong with spacing kids out either. My boys are 4 years apart.
My oldest got 4 years with me before little brother came along. He was old enough to understand many concepts younger children couldnt and we didnt experience nearly as much regression in him.
He was in school and that made balancing time between the two so much easier. He was old enough to truly help
Despite the age difference they are close. Seriously. Some nights I go in their room to find them snuggled and asleep in the same bed.
Whatever his reasons for not wanting more.
He’s not rejecting you or your existing child.
Those are way different things. I dont want more. I’m still madly in love with my husband and I adore my children. I’m just done having kids. I’m not rejecting him/them by not wanting more…
You can agree to disagree on wanting more but you can not agree to disagree on actually having another. You both need to be in agreement.
And it’s his decision too. If you keep pushing you’re going to damage your marriage and create resentment. He can always change his mind to have more later. Once you have the baby it’s too late to change your mind.
Can you not be content/happy with your existing child and him? Are they not enough for you? I would sit down and seriously think about why it’s so important to have another. I’m not saying your wrong for wanting another, but being so insistent goes a little deeper and some self-reflection sounds like it may be in order.