My fiance is stuck in the past: Advice?

My fiance lives in his past. Oh, he is stuck in the past. He has a past marriage; I’m sure you know where I’m going with this. The thing is he moved on well before she ever did, and now everything she does, he judges her on. If she leaves the children home to go on a date, mind you they are 17, 20, 21 years old. If she cleans the house because the guy is coming over, she is in the wrong. Everything she does, he has a snarky comment. He gets stuck on her in the things she’s doing. Meanwhile, we are supposed to be getting married in August of this year, and I wish he could put a little more focus on us than her. How does all this affect me, when he was going through the divorce I stood by his side I was very sympathetic I understood when he was sad, and I supported him through the whole entire thing. Now however is a different story because he is fully divorced; whatever she does is her business and not his. I constantly tell him this. I also tell him that it is hurtful to me when he talks about her. I also told him living in the past, and using it as an excuse is selfish. He tells me he’s not in love with his ex-wife. He’s in love with the memories; I get it. But we have our own memories shouldn’t our memories be good enough to make him kind of put his old memories on the back burner? We have been together for almost four years, and I’d like to think of myself as a rather patient, empathetic person. But living in another woman’s Shadow is getting old. When he gets going, all I see is a middle-aged man who is extremely jealous and throwing temper tantrums. I’m not really looking for any negative comments I don’t really want to hear leave him because I love him and that’s not really an option. However, more so looking to hear if any other people have gone through this. I know people that have been divorced, and they made great strides, and there are new relationships, I left a relationship to be in this one, and I don’t Pine after my ex, I don’t constantly think of my ex. That’s why I really don’t understand why he’s going through all this. And he tells me all the time that he only talks about it because I’m his safe person, to me that does not seem fair. His ex is on a cruise right now with her boyfriend, and I asked him how he’s going to feel if she comes back and finds out that he proposed while they were on the sea. I know if that were to happen, it would be an awkward distance between us, and I know any conversation we had would start and end with her name. So just wondering if this is a relationship that’s worth saving?

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He’s obviously not over her, his actions and reactions show that.

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He isn’t over her. He is jealous now that she is seeing someone. And shouldn’t have moved on so soon

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Hes not finished with her. Send him back.

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He’s definitely Still in love with her. He shouldn’t even be discussing her as much as he does. And making remarks about her dating life means he’s feeling some type away about it. Why is his ex been brought up so much in his new relationship.

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My husband consistently makes excuses for his ex wife. It’s super hard. I feel you

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Did you begin your relationship with him before he was separated?

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He seems to be focusing too much attention on her. Maybe whenever he brings her up just bring up your ex. If hes upset about something she did just say yeah my ex would do this or that and it made me mad. Or whatever. Just give him a little dose of his own medicine. Maybe he will realize how hurtful it is to constantly bring up your ex.
And I agree 4 years is a long time to sit and hear it. I’d agree you are very patient. But as much as you dont care to talk or think about your ex. Maybe you should. Just so he can be on the receiving end. If it starts to bother him then good, he should stop. If it doesn’t bother him and he still continues to talk about her constantly then I guess I’d be over it. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who spent their time worried about another woman.

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For starters he needs to find out why he’s stuck on her actions. Has he really moved on? Does he miss her? Or does he just have the “if I can’t have her no one can” mentality? And you need to put your foot down. Either let the ex go or no wedding. You don’t have to live your life trying to live up to her.

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He keeps talking about her,concerned or whatever I think either he’s still got some kind of feelings for her, Id at least postpone wedding until he gets over her!

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Um he’s not done with her… He’s still worried about everything she does and sorry to say but you’re a rebound, get out now… I’ve been through this before and I’ve known several women who have, it has always led back to him going back to the ex.

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I am sorry you going through this. It’s very sad. You’re asking if this relationship is worth saving, hmmmm. You already know the answer. Listen to your gut and go with it. I wish you all the best.

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Your just a rebound to him. He’s still in love with her. If she asked him to get back together what do you think he would do.? You deserve all his attention not her.!

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My ex was like that, i believe some part he was still in love with her, i was say walk away cause it will never change

How does he know when she cleans the house? That’s truly not normal.

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I would be over that shit quick!

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I know you don’t want us to tell you to leave him, but he still very much In love with her. Both my fiancé and I have been divorced. He does not and would not talk about his wife like that nor care what she does. I also have many friends that’s divorced and it’s nothing like that. He’s never going to stop loving and caring for her. Your always going to be in shadow because he loves her.

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Don’t marry him he will eventually just hurt you so best to leave him alone even though she may be done with him he’s clearly made some mistakes and he’s realizing that now and you’re brought into it unless if you just walk away before you know it he’ll be comparing you to her and what you’re doing wrong when his ex did right trust me best to leave now before it gets to that point do you really want to live your life thinking your husband thinks you’re not up to par compared to his ex what kind of relationship is that certainly not a healthy one so please know you’re worth

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Four years of this BS.?? Helloooooo. Not rocket science!!

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Theres a reason why his mind always goes back to her and especially when he seems to get jealous of his ex and a potential S.O. He has grow with you in youre new relationship, but still hasn’t fully grow out of his past relationship. Be wont understand how you feel about "living in her shadow " because he still imagines her as very much present. He needs time to grow and heal alone as an individual to figure out his wants. That doesnt mean separate but reflect on his future. You need to put a foot down and tell him if he can see a future with you he needs to leave the ex in the dust and no more talk of her. Boundaries and respect. 2 things a man still thinking about another women dont consider.

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