My fiance is upset that I do not want to take his last name: Advice?

I need advice. My fiancé is upset because I don’t want to take his last name when we get married. He said he would feel “emasculated” if I don’t. His father is mad about it too. I have both my mother’s and my father’s last names. I’m the only out of my siblings that got my mom’s last name. Changing my last name or adding a new one doesn’t feel right to me. I also wish he would understand my point of view. Anyone else has this problem?


I can see both of your sides but if you plan on giving your children his last name then i say you change it. It would be absolutely wrong to not give future kids his name.

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Hyphenate you parents last names and use it as your middle name and then take his last name. Or vice versa if you just REALLY want to keep your own

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If you wanna keep your last name, keep your last name. Times have changed.


You could make your current last name your middle name

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A veteran of 4 marriages, I can tell you that the paperwork involved in changing your name is massive. Everything from all medical associates, credit cards, drivers license, magazines, retirement accounts, even the local library. I won’t change it again for sure.


Tell him he gets to name the children with his last name, not you. :rofl:


That’s your choice not his. It is not a personal attack against him. It’s an optional old tradition. He will get over it eventually.


Ask him to join us in the 21st century. If he wants you both to have the same last name, why doesn’t he change his name to yours? I guarantee that he will think it is a ridiculous suggestion. If he wouldn’t want to change his, why should it be OK for him to expect you to change yours?


Use your last name as your middle name and that way you can use both last names. If you’re having kids, you’ll probably want to use his for the last name


Dont ask advice on this. It is YOUR NAME the name only you have to go by.
I have a legally hyphenated last name. I only go by one of them and I’m unsure if when I get married I want to keep the one I go by or take his. Either way it’s my decision and mine alone because it’s me who has to go by it, not him. Im just glad my fiance actually cares about what i want.
Not taking his last name does not in any way mean you love him less and maybe he should work on himself if that makes him feel emasculated.

If a name not matching his is all it takes to “emasculate” him, he’s not much of a man.


I would say, do what you want to do. I did not change my last name and my significant other respected that. My reasoning was that I went through a lot to get educated and when I sign my name I proudly sign it with my paternal last name. I went through the struggle of school, he did not.

My maiden name is now my middle name. My husband didn’t care but I did for my work profile since I have worked hard in my career and was known with my maiden name

The thought I had when reading this is that the husband is emotionally abusive. A man who bases his masculinity on “labeling his wife or kids” with his last name…doesn’t seem right. Just a thought.


Had a teacher in intermediate school who carried his wife’s surname!


So stupid he should be glad you are marrying him it’s not the 1950s you are not his property. Stand strong cause if u cave on this he will control you in the marriage, just saying


You can use your last name.(maiden) as your middle name.Take his last name . It’s making him feel you don’t love him enough to carry his name. If you love him .Then you should want to carry his name with pride. This is just my opinion.

Then Y get married? That’s pretty much part of the deal as a woman when u get married.


So I’m sure that I’m not helpful but my daughter is not his. She has my name and her sperm donor’s hyphenated. I got lucky and my significant other has the same last night as her sperm donor’s. We plan on having a child. I didn’t want my daughter to be the odd ball out and he offered to hyphenate his name as well! Now we will all have the same last name. Just food for thought…