"My fiancé and I have been together for almost five years and have a son together. I have had a low sex drive ever since having my son, and I think it has to do with my self-esteem. I have been working hard at improving it.
A few days ago, I found a video on my phone that he had recorded a Snapchat story of one of his friends from high school. This girl is pretty provocative and stuff, but I never thought anything of it really. Anyway, her story is of her and another girl he knows from high school bending over in their underwear, which was pretty see-through.
My fiancé recorded it on my phone to send it to himself to look at and use and deleted it, but it backed up into my google photos, and I saw it a few days later. I just feel really uncomfortable. I don’t care if he looks at porn. That doesn’t bother me at all; it just bothers me that it was somebody that he was friends with.
He deleted Snapchat and contacts with these people on his own, but I’m still pretty upset. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but it made my self-esteem go way down."
RELATED QUESTION: My Husband Asked for Pics from a Girl on Snapchat: Advice?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“You are definitely are not overreacting! This is disgusting behavior. If you’re okay with porn that’s one thing, but him using a video of girls he actually knows to enjoy himself is crossing a huge line. Call him out. See how it goes. Unfortunately, if he would do this, In my opinion, I think he will do other things. Texting, flirting, cheating type things. And it may be in your best interest to leave. A spouse should help boost your self-esteem, not lower it.”
“Hit him up about it, be honest and say hey look I’ve found the vid on my phone that you recorded and sent to yourself, and then go from there.”
“Leave. If I’ve learned one thing is that they just do it again. Don’t waste any more time. I was in the exact same position as you. It did me no good to stay.”
“The biggest thing here is that he recorded someone else’s video without permission. It’s a huge violation and a red flag. Get the hell out of there.”
“Porno use is addictive and it escalates. This sounds like the beginning of the end of my marriage, which ended up with him cheating with multiple people. I can see how your desire would be low when he is so inconsiderate and unappreciative of you.”
“Sit down with him and have an open discussion about how your feeling and what he’s feeling. Let him know you’re hurt, but also hear him out. He may have made a stupid decision because he is also hurt or feeling a certain way. This can be worked through with communication and patience from both of you.”
“I strongly believe Snapchat should not be in a marriage. It’s a sneaky app.”
“Explain how you feel and why. Sounds like he needs to work on helping with your self-esteem. Ask him why he did it and if you don’t feel comfortable with his answer, please don’t marry him.”
“It’s time for an open discussion. And it’s time to visit your OB. Low sex drive could be hormone-related from having a baby.”
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