My Fiancé Recorded Something Provocative from a Female Friend on Snapchat: Advice?

QUESTION:

"My fiancé and I have been together for almost five years and have a son together. I have had a low sex drive ever since having my son, and I think it has to do with my self-esteem. I have been working hard at improving it.

A few days ago, I found a video on my phone that he had recorded a Snapchat story of one of his friends from high school. This girl is pretty provocative and stuff, but I never thought anything of it really. Anyway, her story is of her and another girl he knows from high school bending over in their underwear, which was pretty see-through.

My fiancé recorded it on my phone to send it to himself to look at and use and deleted it, but it backed up into my google photos, and I saw it a few days later. I just feel really uncomfortable. I don’t care if he looks at porn. That doesn’t bother me at all; it just bothers me that it was somebody that he was friends with.

He deleted Snapchat and contacts with these people on his own, but I’m still pretty upset. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but it made my self-esteem go way down."

RELATED QUESTION: My Husband Asked for Pics from a Girl on Snapchat: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“You are definitely are not overreacting! This is disgusting behavior. If you’re okay with porn that’s one thing, but him using a video of girls he actually knows to enjoy himself is crossing a huge line. Call him out. See how it goes. Unfortunately, if he would do this, In my opinion, I think he will do other things. Texting, flirting, cheating type things. And it may be in your best interest to leave. A spouse should help boost your self-esteem, not lower it.”

“Hit him up about it, be honest and say hey look I’ve found the vid on my phone that you recorded and sent to yourself, and then go from there.”

“Leave. If I’ve learned one thing is that they just do it again. Don’t waste any more time. I was in the exact same position as you. It did me no good to stay.”

“The biggest thing here is that he recorded someone else’s video without permission. It’s a huge violation and a red flag. Get the hell out of there.”

“Porno use is addictive and it escalates. This sounds like the beginning of the end of my marriage, which ended up with him cheating with multiple people. I can see how your desire would be low when he is so inconsiderate and unappreciative of you.”

“Sit down with him and have an open discussion about how your feeling and what he’s feeling. Let him know you’re hurt, but also hear him out. He may have made a stupid decision because he is also hurt or feeling a certain way. This can be worked through with communication and patience from both of you.”

“I strongly believe Snapchat should not be in a marriage. It’s a sneaky app.”

“Explain how you feel and why. Sounds like he needs to work on helping with your self-esteem. Ask him why he did it and if you don’t feel comfortable with his answer, please don’t marry him.”

“It’s time for an open discussion. And it’s time to visit your OB. Low sex drive could be hormone-related from having a baby.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

35 Likes

You ain’t over reacting thats going way above and beyond he need’s to be in trouble and delete snap chat that app is a straight gateway to cheating and talking with people since the messages dissapeare…

6 Likes

The biggest thing here is that he recorded someone else’s video without permission. It’s a huge violation and red flag. Get the hell out of there

4 Likes

Hit him up about it, be honest and say hey look I’ve found the vid on my ph that you recorded and sent to yourself, and then go from there

4 Likes

He is your HUSBAND… GIRL YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO ASK HIM ABOUT THIS.

9 Likes

My husband left me for my little step sister. Cause a scene…his reaction will speak volumes

8 Likes

Porno use is addictive and it escalates. This sounds like the beginning of the end to my marriage, which ended up with him cheating with multiple people. I can see how your desire would be low when he is so inconsiderate and unappreciative of you.

12 Likes

Explain how you feel and why. Sounds like he needs to work on helping with your self esteem. Ask him why he did it and if you don’t feel comfortable with his answer, please don’t marry him.

1 Like

I strongly believe snapchat should not be in a marriage. Its a sneaky app.

15 Likes

Sit down with him and have an open discussion about how your feeling and what he’s feeling. Let him know you’re hurt, but also hear him out. He may have made a stupid decision because he is also hurt or feeling a certain way. This can be worked through with communication and patience from both of you.

3 Likes

You definitely are not overreacting! This is disgusting behavior.
If you’re okay with porn that’s one thing, but him using a video of girls he actually knows, to enjoy himself is crossing a huge line.

Call him out. See how it goes.

Unfortunately if he would do this, In my opinion I think he will do other things. Texting flirting cheating type things.
And it may be in your best interest to leave. A spouse should help boost your self esteem, not lower it.

9 Likes

Probably why your sex drive is low…he’s probably done other things than this that makes your body naturally not want him anymore :woman_shrugging:t4:

33 Likes

Um that’s cheating.
I’d leave him. You deserve better

6 Likes
  1. what frigging idiot 2) eww 3) I’d text him the video with him sitting right next to me and watch his reaction.
    Don’t put up with shit now or you will be putting up with the same shit for the rest of your relationship.

I would be hella pissed if my man was even with other females that were dressed like whores then him RECORDING it!?! Oh HELL NO! Wtf is he doing hanging around them girls anyways? There’s really no need for that!!! Then trying to hide it from you omg! I’m sorry I’m just getting pissed off for you :joy::joy::joy:. So NO YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING!

Leave. If I’ve learned one thing is that they just do it again. Don’t waste anymore time. I was in the exact same position as you. It did me no good to stay.

3 Likes

Facebook isn’t the place to find answers for this. You need to talk to your husband. This is between you two
Good luck!

3 Likes

There is nothing wrong with porn. My husband watches porn, but he’s honest with me and my sex drive has dropped over the years. However, he would NEVER look at someone he actually knows, that crosses boundaries. Tell him how you feel, let him know that porn is ok, but not if you know the person.

I couldn’t trust my ex with a cell phone. I got into his Google history n filed 4 divorce.

1 Like

You need to address your issues regardless of what you find out about your man. Talk to your doc about low sex drive. There could be multiple causes and multiple cures. Get with a therapist/counselor about your self esteem. You need to be strong enough not to let someone else’s thoughts or actions affect your view of yourself or your ability to stand up for yourself.

Talk to your man calmly about the photo. Ask why he wanted to save it, ask point blank if he likes her & watch his reaction. He would likely deny any interest regardless of the truth, but you can see his eyes & how squirmy he gets & how adamant he is about denying it (generally the bigger the guilt, the bigger the reaction). Also see if he tries to gaslight you.

Marriage counseling can help a lot because it’s a professional third party who can get to the root of the situation & help you find smart ways to move on.