So my fiance and I have been engaged for a few years now. I was planning on getting married next yr. We got to talking about marriage tonight and somehow came to the point of him saying he wants us to get married because he wants to make me happy. As in, that’s his whole reason for wanting it to happen. And I wrong for being upset? Like I don’t believe you should marry someone just to make them happy. I know he didn’t mean it in a way like he doesn’t want to be with me cause he does, and our relationship is at a really good place. But I still feel really hurt by this. I flat told him if that’s the only reason he wants to get married, we just won’t get married. We haven’t really talked about it anymore, but I’m hurt to the point I cant sleep idk what to do or say to him.
How does he view marriage?
You’re entitled to your feelings, but I think you’re taking it the wrong way. Hes already lived the best day of his life when he asked you to marry him and you said yes. The wedding is for you, its your day. Dont take it personally, if he wants to make you happy. Let him.
He probably honestly meant he’d only have a wedding for you. men don’t know shit about shit. not that he only wants to marry you for you to be happy… men don’t dream of weddings and happily ever after… they dream of cuddles, boobs and butts.
A man explained this so well. Men do not care about a wedding and in his mind he’s already married to you. The day that was special for him was the day he asked you to marry him and you said yes. Maybe look at it from his perspective and approach a calm conversation with him about your feelings and his but my suspicion is that it is just that he wants you happy because he is happy with you all the time married or not.
My man would marry me to, if it’s what I want. To make me happy.
But to him, marriage is just paper. He’s already committed himself to me, so to him we’re married already. Just not on paper. But he’ll do the paper, to make me happy. But not cuz it’s what he wants lol
I gave mine back his ring when I found that out. Still together yrs later. We’re committed. But I didn’t want a wedding just to “shut me up” so to speak. So told him I’m good. Cheaper anyways lmao
So ya. Just see what his views on marriage are. Could be just that he doesn’t seen the importance. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you for ever and ever. Just to some, the actual legality isn’t that big of a deal.
Then you decide what you are ok with and what you’re not.
Then you go from there.
I truly think it’s the WAY things are said in the moment that hurts the most.
Marriage councling a big regret when i wouldnt until we had it and then he enlisted and we were married in two week. Now its been 24 years and now were divorcing. I never wanted this and he dont care so we are where we are
Marriage itself doesn’t mean the same to a lot of people anymore. Personally, I just view it as a piece of paper. Almost everyone now days live together before ever getting engaged or have children and a life long before “marriage” is discussed. That formal ceremony isn’t really that important to a lot of people. That being said— your feelings are valid and if that is something you want/need to feel as though the relationship is valid— then you need to communicate that to your fiance. You can’t FORCE him to change his feelings, just as he can’t FORCE you to change yours. Him being willing to do all of that to please you, is very sweet and I don’t think I’m anyway invalidates your love or relationship. 95% of men participate in Valentines Day shenanigans for their significant other because they know it will make them happy— but on the inside think it’s a stupid holiday/tradition invented by Hallmark…
He knows that this is what you want and will do it because he knows he is sticking around. It isnt like he is just marrying some random person. He loves you and will give you the level of commitment you need to be happy.
I learned to communicate this way in my relationship so grain of salt because everyone is different but; I say when you say “” I hear it like “_” because to me they’re similar, is that what you meant? And then usually he’ll explain it another way so I can see it less reactively. Because maybe marriage doesn’t matter to him in a sense, but not because he doesn’t value you or your relationship, maybe more like the relationship is already a marriage to him and the ceremony is just that. A show that’s more focused on you and the experience it will give you. Good luck
That’s kind of the reason a lot of men get married. I don’t know why you’re complaining. He wants to marry you. Leave it alone and marry him.
Omg stop, try to understand men view things differently than we do and say things differently than we would. but if you know that he loves you and wants to be with you do your guys’s relationship isn’t a good place just let this go it’s not that big of a deal
I thought that’s what people wanted, was to be happy? Does getting married make you happy? Does being with him make you happy? Does having a future with him, in everyway way, make you happy? I don’t see the issue with what he said, at all. Maybe he could have said “I will marry you if that’s what makes you happy, but I will love you, no matter what.” or whatever, but he’s willing to do what YOU want, to make YOU happy.
It hurts your feelings that he wants to do something to make you happy??
Kind of sounds like you don’t want to be happy.
I got married to my husband, whom I love with my entire heart and soul, to make him happy. I didn’t particularly care if we ever “made it official” so long as he was with me, but my husband is more traditional and wanted to get married.
I think you’re just taking it to heart in a way that he didn’t intend. He wouldn’t want to do it if he didn’t love you.
Take a breath.
I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, but marriage means different things to different people.
For a lot of people now days; marriage is a pageant and peice of paper. That’s not how they view their relationship, but the actual ceremony certificate.
He loves you. Hes already committed to you. Hes already living with you.
He doesnt need the marriage. Its already official in every way that really matters to him.
But you want the marriage. It will make you happy. He wants to make you happy.
I think he just doesn’t need the piece of paper but know it will make you happy. Nothing to be offended about. Men don’t care as long as they’re happy
No one should ever have to hear something like that. You should be loved and cherished and wanted. Only you can decide your worth.
I told my husband that i wanted to be married before i was 30 and have another baby by then too. And if he couldn’t give me that then to let me go so i could go do that. I was 24 i think. We got engaged the year after then had a baby and got married by time i was 28.