My friend is in an abusive relationship and I want to help her leave: Advice?

My friend is originally from India and married through an arranged marriage to a citizen of the USA(Indian origin) and came to live with her husband in the USA. She is a professional earning a good income. Her husband d is verbally and physically abusive. Hits her leaving no marks. She has put her salary in a joint account . have cameras set up all over the house to watch and listen to what goes on in the house. Tracks her phone. She has forgiven him many times, but now the beatings are more severe. She wants to leave but is scared caus he threatened to hurt her and her family.Also, although she earns all money is managed by him. Hence it is hard to consult lawyers etc. She has no family in the USA . they are in India. Please help with how she can get away from him (while continuing to keep her job) has been in the USA for ten years, trying to save her marriage.

32 Likes

She needs to speak with a lawyer who can guide her. Some will do a free consultation… someone help her, please. She can’t stay because he threatens her family. They’re in India anyway. Peace is so much better than living like this!!! Especially before children are involved. Just do it. Don’t put it off.

She needs to make a plan. Can she confide in her boss or someone at work? She may need to take a couple weeks off. Does she have kids?

4 Likes

Contact an shelter for abused women. They will help with everything.

8 Likes

Explain…save her marriage

Maybe a pro bono lawyer or Hubbard house. That’s awful -i hope she gets the help she needs.

1 Like

He can’t monitor work phones etc. That is where she will neef to make all her arrangements. Start having an amount taken from her wages and put in a Sep acct and get a lawyer as well. I hope she can get away from him

6 Likes

This is the way it is in the arranged marrages I see it all the time and if the women fight back thier own family’s try and get rid of them.

2 Likes

First off; she needs to have a safe place to go. A friend he does not know or know where they live. She needs to get a bag packed with some clothes and personal products that she can keep in her car. So she can leave without looking suspicious. She needs to get a list of phone numbers. If he checks her phone have her put that in her packed bag. Then she needs to go to the bank and open an account in her own name. Have her name removed from any accounts that are joint. Then at work she needs to change her direct deposit to her new account. Then she can go to work one day and never return. She must then file a PFA. Get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. Let everything go. Her safety is more important than the stuff they have. Her divorce lawyer will take care of settlements. Good luck and god bless.

11 Likes

Open an account of her own and have her pay direct deposited. Of course this is AFTER she has a plan in place to leave. Get a restraining order and Maybe she can stay with a friend until she builds up her finances again. If she has no family here in the U.S. then threats against them are probably just hot air. In my opinion there is no saving a marriage when one is abusive to another. Get a lawyer.

Leave and go to woman shelter get restraining order… bam… what year do y’all live in

3 Likes

If shes earning her own money she needs to talk to her place of employment to allocate her paycheck to a different account. She is in complete control of her paycheck through work. All she needs is one paycheck and she can be out. Go to a cheap hotel and save to get a rental and get an attorney. File with the police at the same time to get a restraining order

She needs to get the hell out of the us

1 Like

Does anyone else remember “The Burning Bed”? No wonder women want to kill their husbands.

3 Likes

What state is she in ?

First I’d set up my own bank account. I’d save every dollar. If he’s abusing her physically, I’d call the Police. I’d file a restraining order and hire a Lawyer for divorce. No exception.

In the USA most attorneys do the first consultation for free. Her money, open a new account with her name only and start depositing them into that account. By that time she should have her family back home in the know and able to protect themselves (hell with taboo, here it is not). If he threatens her, call the cops, do not bail him out, get a restraining order. It’s time to stand up to the bullies. Calling the cops records the abuse and makes it easier to divorce and get custody of kids if any. What the customs/laws of another country do not apply here if they live here. American law is for all legal residences. We women must stick together to end violence. No person has the right to put hands on anyone, especially if married to them, protecting is first even if there is no love. I wish her luck and hopes she breaks free from this loser.

Police station for a DVo

If she has a salary, she must have a job??? Possible to make a phone call from work… contact a women’s emergency shelter and make plans. Maybe in time the abuse will change. But the damage is being done right now. There’s help. Reach out now.

Find a domestic violence resource in your area. Contact them for advice and assistance. When the victim leaves the relationship it is extremely dangerous. There are safe houses for victims. It is important to have all documents, license, credit cards, etc.

1 Like