My grandma gets upset when I do not let my daughter come over: Advice?

I have an 9 yr old from a previous relationship. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and have twins together. My daughter considers my fiance her dad since he has been that person in her life since she was 2, and her biological father has not been around. My family has never really accepted my fiance into the family. They have made numerous comments to me that he is selfish and only thinks about himself/ controlling. We have Christmas with his grandma/ side of the family today, and then my fiance and daughter are going to the batting cages (she has shown great interest in softball recently, and we have family with an indoor batting cage), while I stay home with the little ones. On my side of the family, our daughter has cousins around her age. Today I received a text from my grandma asking when she could come to pick up our daughter to play/ spend the night with her cousins. I sent a message back explaining that we have Christmas, and then she was going to the batting cage with her dad. My grandma became upset and insisted that our daughter skip Christmas and that I never allow her to spend time with her cousins/ play with them. She just had a sleepover with them five days ago. This is not the first time I’ve been harassed by my family when I tell them she cannot come over because we have plans with his family or we have plans of our own. If I say no to my grandma, she will continuously message me about how I am withholding our child from my side of the family and how it’s not me deciding this, but instead, my fiance is being controlled, and he’s the one saying she doesn’t need to go. She will continue to badger me until I finally break down and say yes. I have previously said no and not let her go before, and after that happened, I was the worst person in the entire family, and my grandma then makes rude comments to me about my fiance and his family whenever I go around her. My mom follows the same suit and does the same as my grandma too. How do I handle telling my grandma no without upsetting her and also me? I’m five months PP with the twins and easily emotional, so the comments from my grandma stress me out and make me feel horribly guilty. Am I in the wrong for not letting her go??

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What about your twins their here Grandkids also

No you are in the right you had previous plans had she called and you were just sitting at home and you didn’t let her go that would be different. She had her dad had special time planned

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I need 3 weeks notice to make plans with anyone. If something comes up and we’re free, ok, If not, oh well sorry.

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You need to say no and mean no. You are teaching grandma & your mom to treat you/ your fiancé nasty if they don’t get their way. Your plans are just as important as them spending time with her. I would also make it clear it’s my choice. Don’t play in to the badgering texts and calls. Just don’t read, answer or other wise engage with them after you say no.

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Do they never ask for the twins??

At this point, why spare their feelings? They obviously do not spare yours. I wouldn’t be rude, but I would definitely express to them that it is not ok to bad mouth your fiance and his family because they didn’t get their way. If you don’t put a stop to the insults, it will never stop. Good luck to you.

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If texting block them temporarily and stick to ur guns. Ur child ur rules. Quit caving to there demands and they will have to learn they can’t push u around.

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She is your kid not your grandmas. Don’t feel bad if you say no, again YOUR kid.

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Tell her straight out n let her know how it makes u feel n if she cant respect you or him as a unit then you will all stay away

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It seemed like every time family came to visit we.had to go up.to my boyfriend parents house so they could see our kids I finally put my foot down and said if youfamily wants to see the the kids they know we’re we live I’m tired of going to your mom and dad’s house all the time

Look i have a couple recommendations.

  1. Go to JUSTNOMIL sub on reddit its for support of dealing with moms, grandmothers and MILs who all behave like this.
  2. Do not give in to your mother or grandmother.
  3. You need to be direct “grandmother my daughter had sleepovers 5 days ago and we have plans. If you cant respect my parental decisions or my relationship then you do not have to be a part of our family. I make the rules and plans for my family, not you. Your temper tantrums and accusations will only make us not want to visit or be a part of your life. So please let me know when you are able to respect our life.”
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That is extremely narcissistic and toxic behavior! I would sit down and explain that I am the one that is fully in control of where my child goes and who they go with! If anyone cannot respect, my partner, the people I want in my life then they won’t be involved at all. I will not Feel guilty one bit about blocking toxic people out of my life, my village. Me and my children need peace and a safe environment And that’s my job to provide for my children.

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Oh this is a tough one because most of us know that we don’t have years and years left with our grandmas. I would say once you tell her no and she harasses you, block her number for a period of time, a week or two and she gets the message you mean business when you say no. She needs to be taught that when you say no, it’s a final answer. And tell her you will not come around if she harasses you about your husband. The first nasty comment she makes, get in your car and leave. This may hurt really bad but she has to be taught. You can even tell her that’s what you’re doing and not trying to hurt her but you are teaching her how to treat you. She’ll get the message I just know she will.

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NO and if she cannot respect you she can consider shes not longer grandma period block her. Shes a bully and trying to control you and your family. Remember you and your fiance make the rules run the house and have the family not anyone else

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You need to be straight forward with her. When you say no it means no and if they keep harassing you then simply block them. She obviously doesn’t care about your feelings so why care about hers? She is YOUR child not theirs.

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If you say no, it’s a no. They don’t get their way. As for the insulting, would you be ok if it was your fiancés family putting you down and him not putting a stop to it? You need to let them know it is not ok with the things they say about him and how they push you around with your child. My mil always liked to push, but my husband always backed me up. We may have fought about it at home, but he backed me up to them. That’s how it should be. Block them for a while if they can’t handle your decision. Good luck!!

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Let her gooo, grandma won’t be around that long, and don’t you need a break…Sounds like your man is Controlling…

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Block granny and others and do what you want with your kids! Don’t let your family ruin YOUR family

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This is toxic sounding… maybe it’s time to reconsider if it’s worth having her in your life

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