My hubby, and I have been together for five years, with a previous relationship in high school. He is 26; I am 25, we have three kids. Hubby has this ideology that all married couples have sex every day, if they are in their 20’s multiple times a day. I don’t want to have sex everyday or even every other day. Having sex every day, takes the fun out of it for me. The husband thinks there is something wrong with me, that I’m not attracted to him, and that he’s not “big” enough. We did have sex every day in high school, but we were kids with no kids, our selves. We seem to argue often about sex, most days I just lay down for him, because I don’t want to argue. Then he gets upset afterward because I’m never into it. I can’t see it through his head that if we slow down, I would want to, and actually, enjoy it more. I get so frustrated because I can’t even cuddle with him, without him thinking it has to go somewhere, and he gets grabby. My man can’t get that being intimate isn’t just sex. So my question is, how often do couples in the long term committed relationships have sex? All advice will be appreciated, thanks!"
Been together 20+ years , we do it at least every other day , usually don’t go more than 3 days unless ,it’s that time of the month ! 🤷
I’ll say that we have it as much as we both want it… it’s there for the taking. I kind of see what the first commenter came from… he loves me and I him. I trust him deeply, as does he. I’d rather us be satisfied in that department than to be lead astray… it’s a very important part of our relationship, it has been from day one, 8 1/2 years ago. But, it’s not necessarily true for everyone. Maybe some counseling will help the both of you understand that part a little better. You don’t want to go to bed angry… it’s never good to resent someone you love
All the time and we have .multiple kids. We enjoy every time! We are 15 years and going and i couldn’t suggest it more.
we been together for 5 yrs he is 37 im 29 we do it whenever the other wants it but understand if one is tired or not feeling well we have 5 kids
Same with my husband. You aren’t alone.
But every other day or a couple days apart unless its that time of month
We have 6 kids between the two of us. We both work. We do it atleast once a day, sometimes twice.
3-4x a week. It’s hard with a family.
I haven’t in almost a year …my back justvwont allow it anymore …it hurts too much I know my hubypby understands but frustrated with it all
Sorry… your wasting your time
No-one actually needs sex. No, really, we don’t. Think of the great Mahatma Ghandi who, although married and sharing a bed with his wife, took up a life of celibacy. So if anyone talks about your husband’s needs for sex, ignore them.
Sex should be a matter of mutual pleasure-giving and should build up the relationship, not one person using the other for their own gratification. I’d suggest counselling for you both. Never mind how often other couples have sex. What matters is what is right for you, as a couple. Seek counselling.
I understand how she feels but she also has to understand how he feels. There are so many unanswered questions. Does he help with the kids? Do they both work? Does he help with household chores? Does he work nights or days? And vice-versa. The dynamics of the family and how it operates has to be understood first.
If she is burdened with doing everything by herself, then yes she’s probably too tired. This is especially true if she works. This isn’t an excuse for her but an explanation. He can’t expect her to be fully engaged all of the time. This he has to understand, accept and not become argumentative. Because it would appear that he’s ungrateful. In other words, she can win. If she doesn’t do it there’s a problem, but if she does just to please him, he’s still not satisfied.
As an wife (now- ex) with 3 children, who worked and did everything in the house…intimacy was never a problem. I never denied him, regardless of how I felt. It wasn’t an issue. I wasn’t always engaged but he didn’t argue or become upset because when I did engage…it was on and popping. LOL .
They are both selfish. He’s selfish because he’s not considering her feelings and she’s not considering his needs.
This couple is in need of a serious heart to heart. Some women would do anything to have a husband who still desires them… The key to everything in marriage is compromise. I believe that if these two don’t correct this small thing in the marriage it may escalate into something more serious. My advice to them would be to seek marriage counseling if they can’t figure it out.
Your husband has issues understanding your needs at this chapter of your relationship. It is not all about him. There us nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Needs and wants change throughout a relationship with time especially as the demands of life take over. This is something that needs discussing. You may need outside help to work through this to help him to understand
Every day. Sometimes multiple times a day and we have 10 month old twins and 9 years together. I am 40 and he is 33. Intimacy can occur as soon as you wake up and can be flamed all day. It is a vital part of a healthy sexual relationship. If you just want intimacy, you will have a hard time understanding each other. A man thinks about sex all day and a woman dreams of romance… sometimes its hard to make those ideas meet: the struggle of all of us tired, weary humans… Good luck!
Buy him a blow up doll and a foot pump. Hide blow up doll in various locations about the house. Variety is the spice of life
When i was with my ex, we went 2.5 years without, my choice not his. We were together 11.5 years and 2 kids.
14 years together… almost 3 years married. we have sex just about every day, or every other day. However, this is us, it’s what we enjoy doing. We also have a one of a kind marriage. Sex for us is more about intamacy, it’s about being eachothers best friends, laughing (yes sometimes during sex) and just enjoying eachother. You need to talk with him, maybe he still has some growing up to do, but if you have that open communication and he starts to actually hear you, maybe things will change. Also, your expectations of what sex should actually be like may need to change also. It’s not all 50 shades of Grey and romance… sometimes you just need to have sex to blow off steam. and there is NOTHING wrong with that.
Y’all have to find what works for you both and move forward with it. Like others have said before me, it’s not a one size fits all answer for you. Even if you’re looking for an “average” as ammunition to argue with him with, it’s not what makes you both work and work well as a team.
We got together when I was 29, him 35. We had sex multiple times at each visit, at least 5 times a week. That slowed down when I was pregnant d/t issues we resumed the pattern after the birth of our son. After a year or so, we slowed down to 4-5 times a week. After some major back issues he had we slowed down every. More for awhile. He always makes sure I’m satisfied regardless. The love and passion is what is important, not the frequency of sex.
Been married almost 13 years. Just depends on our moods and schedules. Sometimes we go weeks without and sometimes its daily, or multiple times a day. There’s really no “normal” amount of sex in a long term relationship or marriage.