Hi everyone, I could use some advice, sorry for being so long . My husband and I have been together for over a year now. We share a daughter that is under a year old, and we live apart. We live apart due to the fact that one day he put his hands on my neck, and I kicked him out. That was about six months ago. Well, for about two months, we were apart, and he was out having one night stands and drinking and partying. But we got back together, and well, let’s just say I don’t fully trust him. I’m always wary of what he’s doing and who he’s with, and well, let’s just say I’ve gotten better but still worry. The problem is this before we split our marriage had become very toxic. We were always saying the worst things to each other, and I had become physical with him. I would throw my phone at him or slap him because of how annoyed we would get. And he would become very rude and disrespectful. Constantly telling me I’m not good enough, I’m worthless, I’m a slut (because I have been with someone before I was with him) and constantly belittle me. We have gotten back together and separated about three times, and each time he’s gone and slept with more women, and each time, it was me begging him to be a family because I so badly want the family for my daughter. Well, now that we’ve gotten back together, we have a different relationship. We have gotten some counseling and have been doing better, but he still tells me things like sometimes he would rather be at work than with me, or he would rather spend time with his own family(mom and siblings) than with our daughter and me. The only time we spend time together is during the weekend, and 80% of the time, he would rather be at his mom’s then with us. And when we are together, I can feel just how bored and annoyed he is. It’s almost like he can’t wait to get away from me. He constantly makes me feel like I’m the second option. He rarely ever shows me love, and although I know he is not the emotional type, I wish he would try more. I feel so ugly, my self-esteem and my self worth are both gone because of what he’s done and how he treats me. And I’m constantly worried today will be the day he says, “I don’t want to be with you anymore” because he consistently says that to me. I don’t feel like he actually chooses me or let alone love me, and I don’t know what to do. I want to be him because I really do love him and want a family for my daughter, but deep down, I feel like he doesn’t actually want me. But then again, I question is and ask myself maybe he does, and he’s just not showing it correctly. The thought of being divorced hurts me so much. And I hate the idea of court and having to share our daughter and doing a back and forth sharing situation with her. That’s not what I ever wanted for myself or her. I love him, but I’m so sick of being insecure and feeling unloved. There are even times I question if he’s actually at home or with another girl. I’m just so confused. Some advice would be greatly pleased; I’m not sure how to move forward from this. If you were in this situation, would you stay or leave? Is there any way to make this better?
Why are you with somoene you have no trust with?
So why are you staying?
This is just ridiculous.
He tried to strangle you, whored around and you just have to have him?
Divorce are u serious
Wrong for putting hands on you. But technically you put him out and left him. What did you think he would do?
Don’t walk, RUN. This is a very toxic relationship and your child deserves better as do you.
Hi I would get out, me and partner of 3 years have just separated we had a toxic relationship seems very much like yours, it will be hard on you but you need to get away from him for the sake of your child and yourself, you don’t a man like this.
Sounds like you both have issues and both are toxic for each other.
Cant force someone to stay with you. You and your daughter deserve so much better
You have to leave. I know how hard it can be when you want your child to have a family, but he doesn’t care about you and your child the way he needs to. Someone that loves you and respects you would put you first always, and he’s proven that he won’t do that.
Show your daughter how you can stand on your own 2 feet and move on. Being in this type of relationship is only gonna show her how you settled and it will be ok for to be with a ma that treats her the same way… if you truely want better for her get out of this… you will eventually find a man who will out you and her at the top of the list. He isnt the one to settle fir
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I honestly can’t give you any advice because I’m in such a similar situation but I’m praying you figure it out
Please show your daughter how she deserves to be treated and leave !
I wouldn’t have gone back after he laid his hands on me. Fuck that. Fuck taking him back. Fuck the arguing. Fuck being treated like shit. Sorry, but you’re an idiot.
You both are toxic to each other. It benefits both of you to separate for good but you know who it benefits the most ? Your child . She deserves more than a mom and dad living together putting their hands on each other , name calling etc. Be better examples for her sake. Let the relationship go and moving forward work on your co parenting relationship
you don’t love him and he doesn’t love you… for the sake of your daughter, break up and do NOT get back together! you are both toxic together and all you’re doing is messing up your child!!!
trust me, she’s better off with you guys not being together!
Think about your child at this point. What do you want your child to see, and hear? Sometimes 2 really great people can be toxic for one another. It’s your journey and I wish you the best. But know that you deserve more and your child deserves more. It’s easier said than done. But love is out there, the kind that won’t hurt you or belittle you… the kind that will be there for you when it’s difficult, and love you through all of the trauma and baggage that you have had to endure and may carry into a new relationship. You deserve butterflies, not battle wounds. I hope that you find the answer that you are looking for .
He’s abusive, that should make you wanna leave!
This is NEVER going to get better based on all of this information. Literally. It’s going to be a never ending cycle. Smh
I think you need to learn to love and value yourself. You let him whore around, choke you, and you still wnat him?