My husband and I only have sex if I initiate it: Advice?

Hi! I have a question. My husband and I have been together for five years now and married for 2. We have a three-year-old, and life is hectic (as it is for everyone). The last year or so, we have barely had sex, and every time we did, I am the one who initiates it. I feel like he’s not attracted to me anymore. We have both put on weight and are not comfortable and are trying to lose, but I feel like it has affected him a lot more than me. I know there are times in a marriage/relationship when this happens, but we haven’t been together for so long that we’re bored with each other. I have tried to talk to him about it and even tried to have a set weekly “date,” but it’s been three weeks and he still hasn’t even tried. He’s always tired, or his back hurts. I just don’t know what to do anymore! Any suggestions??


Do yourself, screw him.


Maybe get some massage oils and start out with back massages, Then work your way into sexy time. from someone with chronic pain, it does make a huge impact on our sex life. or maybe you take him out for a date night. why does he have to ask you? you know what you want, go get it

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Following for the advice :no_mouth:

His testosterone levels could be off. Or could be stress and depression.


Maybe hes got some other stuff going on. Stress anxiety and depression can mess up a persons sex drive. It may have nothing to do with you at all. Dig a little deeper than the weight issue


Definitely don’t make plans for scheduled sex, then it’s more of like a chore or something. Spontaneity is good and with the weight issue, I’d say do something that will make him comfortable or like show him you still find him attractive? Bring that intimacy back, light some candles and make out like you’re 16 again, it kinda helps lighten the mood :wink::blush: good luck!


Sit him down and ask him! Just tell him how its affecting you and be open without judgment. Its definitely something that needs to be addressed especially if your relationship is suffering. I do know since I put weight on after my first child and school stress weight i stop initiating anything with my husband and he came to me and talked it out. You wont know until you have a heart to heart.


Oh man. This was my exact situation. In the end, I fell out of love for many reasons including the sex. Moved on and sex has never been better. Sometimes it’s just not there anymore I hate to say it. I’m glad I moved on I am much happier :woman_shrugging:t2:


He may be depressed or his testosterone is low.
I would start with a check up with the doctor.

Well sweetheart, I understand how this makes you feel. All marriages hit that What now in the bedroom phase. And I think you’re right that its effected him more than you. But here’s the thing sis, He LOVES YOU AND STILL WANTS YOU BC You ARE having sex! As you stated ,you have been together along time, you get comfortable, and settled into routine, Now it time to REMEMBER spontaneity! My advice is to explore Adam and Eve .com, when you are together tonight in bed take the laptop, Let him see you do this, nothing makes a sore back feel better than a massage, and ask his opinion of what sent! Then mosey on over to the clearance, Explore Games oils, nighties, toys, ! Free shipping brown packaging and always free gifts. And make him Wait until the package arrives and he will be ready for bed Early! Our husbands NEED support too baby. Have FUN!


Talk to him first bluntly give him a chance to speak men wasn’t sex, you want sex with him talk talk talk again hear his response then make your decision xx :kissing_heart:

Age, stress, hormone levels all play a factor. Open dialog and maybe a doc apt is your best bet. God knows my hormones dropped having my second child and I didnt want sex at all- and it had absolutely NOTHING to do with my SO. But there are ways to fix that. U dint just up and leave like some of these comments say.

Open communication is KEY


Talk about it again. Get some clear answers about how he is feeling & talk about how you are feeling, don’t sugar coat anything. Say it like you said it now.

Talk to your husband. Sit down and make it a light conversation. Don’t embarrass him, just talk to him.

Maybe he’s low T and doesn’t even know it.

Dress up get toys experiment it might get him more excited

Feed him foods good for lebito :slight_smile:

Shoot sleep is better

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Honestly it might not even be that he’s not attracted to you. You said you both put on weight so maybe he’s insecure about himself.