My husband comes home from work and plays video games: Advice?

Tell me in the wrong here. My husband is training to be a pilot, and he works at an airport. We have a 10-month-old, and I’m 11 weeks pregnant with baby #2. He works all day from 6 to 2. He had a flight lesson and didn’t get home until 5. When he gets here, everything is fine, and then he informs me that he has a work dinner to go to that I had no idea about. He sprung it on me last minute. It’s at 730 for someone’s birthday. I’m not invited. We never go out to dinner hardly ever. I don’t even remember the last time we went out to dinner. Anyway, I wait till he is home to shower and cook because it’s difficult to do while I’m home alone with no help. He gets here, and he goes straight to playing videogames. Meanwhile, I’m trying to clean up a bit and cook something because I’m starving and have not had a proper meal all day. I have a baby tugging at my legs and crying because her dad refuses to get off his game and entertain her for a few minutes while I’m busy. His game finishes, and I ask him to entertain her for a bit while I get everything ready for dinner. He says he has to go. Its an hour and a half before the dinner are supposed to start. He doesn’t need to leave yet. So I get upset and say, “Whatever. Do whatever the fuck you want to do. I’m done.” I realize I probably should not have cursed, but I was pissed and had been crying earlier already because we never go out to do anything hardly ever. Then he got mad and called work to tell them he wasn’t going and took our baby and went out to the garage where his family hangs out and drinks beers every weekend. Now I’m here, writing this message while the food cooks.

68 Likes

You’re not wrong. He sounds like a real POS to me, and a little like my ex, to be perfectly honest.

10 Likes

You need to find a way to compromise. Yes he works but staying home with the kids is hard too. He deserves to go out for the party, but maybe you could have talked to him and said I would like to go out and eat as a family or get a sitter and have a date night.

3 Likes

I’d be pissed off too. My husband works nights and he still spends time with me and the kids. Video games are fine but not when you’re neglecting your kids and spouse.

5 Likes

Let him be mad. You deserve help and to feel like you’re not alone.

3 Likes

There’s hard times through every relationship… just gotta work through it and talk to each other about it…

1 Like

Quick while he has the baby go out… see how he likes it.

17 Likes

You can’t cook a meal with one child there with you? Put the child in a high chair or playpen and do what you need to do.

18 Likes

He’s a dick sounds to me he ain’t good at all

2 Likes

I can totally understand being upset if it something that happens all the time. But you have to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel without him feeling attacked. Because as soon as they feel like you are attacking them, he will get defensive and shut down. He should absolutely be spending time with you and the kiddos, but just as you do, he deserves time to do his own thing. Maybe talk about setting up a date night once a week for you guys. It doesn’t have to be actually leaving and spending money. It could even be like say every Tuesday, you guys have no electronics or whatever after the little one goes to bed and watch a movie. Or you guys find a sitter to actually go out together. It’s all about compromise and communication.

4 Likes

Have you spoken to him about this before? If not, you have to talk about it as soon as something starts to bother you. Otherwise, its just gonna keep building up and stressing you out until you blow up. Nobody wants that.

2 Likes

I see it from both sides. We all want our alone time but we can’t expect our partner to understand how we feel if we don’t say anything. Have a conversation about it. He should be able to go out just like you should as well.
As for dinner , I don’t think that’s a big deal I mean it only gets harder as they get older so I wouldn’t expect that to change lol. I don’t allow video games in my house just for this reason though. Maybe you guys could compromise. He gets a certain amount of time to play and then you get some time to shower or do whatever you need to do.

2 Likes

Was he like this after you had the first baby? Or has he gotten this way since you were pregnant with baby #2? TBH, if he was like this with the first one, he damn sure wouldn’t have gotten a 2nd. Also, you said you guys barely go out. Do you have someone that is willing to babysit? If so why don’t you get them to babysit while you have some time to yourself? Forget about him, maybe have a spa day or get together with a girlfriend, go to a movie and out to eat. :woman_shrugging:t4:

Idc who you are. Grown men shouldnt be playing video games. Are you guys pregnant teens in high school? Cause thats what it sounds like. Last time i had to fight with a guy about video games was when i myself was in high school. Lol havnt even dated a guy since that played around me. Because thats my time with him.

6 Likes

Men that act like boys do not deserve a marriage or kids… leave him and find a real man…

1 Like

He shouldn’t have been going anyway if you couldn’t go and it’s his child too. Let him pout. You’re not in the wrong here.

7 Likes

Communication is key; let him know you’re with the baby all day and need a mental break, even just to make a snack for five minutes. We all need a break, as much as we love our children they can be overwhelming and burn you out fast

1 Like

Put your child in a high chair, exasauser or bouncer and let her cry and you do what you need done. I do that when my fiance is at work.

2 Likes

I think we have all been there especially with some raging pregnancy hormones it heightens things. Try to find a way to talk to him that is on his level. Start out by saying something you like about him like “You are such a good supporter for our family, thank you for working so hard” . . . Then start in on what you need from him. Relationships are all difficult it takes time to learn to communicate effectively.

3 Likes

I’m sorry you are having to go through this .Sounds like hes not interested in your child .I agree hes stressed out and tired but you are going to have to talk to him about this whole situation. I really hate to say this but do you think hes involved with someone else? I personally feel both of you should have waiting atleast till your child was 2 to have a second baby.How was he before he started the pilot training? Has he always been so unhelpful? Someone who isnt interested in even spending time with one child will get worse after you have the second one.You need a nanny or a babysitter who can atleast give you 2 hours of free time everyday so you can cook dinner or relax .

2 Likes