We had our first baby a few months ago, and things have been rocky ever since. I was told its normal to be stressed with a new baby and have it strain your relationship, but this feels different. I do most of the baby stuff as I’m still on maternity leave, and he’s working. Our baby is pretty easy as long as she’s fed and changed. I want to do things as a family because it’s the holiday season, and there are so many cool places to explore where we live, but my husband doesn’t want to take our baby anywhere. He says it’s too difficult to deal with a three-month-old, but I do most of the work when we go out anyway, and she sleeps in her stroller half the time. But I understand it’s not as fun taking an infant places. We have a friend that babysits for us, and even when I try to find things for the 2 of us to do, he’d rather stay in and play video games or do the same thing every single time. And when we do go out, he barely talks to me — not even small talk. Today we went out as a family, and I tried having a conversation, but he was on his phone the entire time trying to watch a football game. Then not even 2 hours after being there, he basically said we were leaving. He complained the entire time, and then we just left. I was so excited to go where we went, and there were things the 3 of us could do, but he wanted no part. Just go home and play video games with his friends online. I brought it up to him a few weeks ago that I felt like he was bored with me, and all he said was, “I’m not bored with you” — the end of the conversation. I’ve had horrible PPD since having our baby, and I went to the doctor for it, and they said it’s important to try to keep going out and doing things I enjoyed before having a baby, but I can’t really do that when my husband doesn’t want to do those things with me anymore. I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I’ve started holding it all in and pretending everything is fine, but I’m at a breaking point. We just moved to a new state, and I haven’t made any friends. My only friend is my husband, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Not sure if there is even a way to fix this, but I thought I’d give it a shot and ask for some advice. Thank you.
I have a 3 month old and we take her and our other 2 kids everywhere this time of year, maybe sit down and tell him how he’s making you feel
He seems real immature and i would honestly just do whatever you want to do whether he joins or not. Also take lots of pics of just you and the baby so he can see what he is missing out on
Tell him to suck it up and go out with you and baby. Your doctor said to do these things to HELP YOU. If he isnt willing to help YOU by doing then scree him and do it just you and baby.
Make a list of things that are important to you. - leave house 3 times a week, do 2 family things a week outside of house, go on 2 adult dates a month, leave house alone 1 time a month.
Give detailed things to him and tell him we can pick and choose what we do but we need to accomplish these. Or you could always give the option of YOU going back to work and HE stays home w baby and see how he likes it!
There is always a way to fix it!! You are strong and amazing!
Try talking to him first and telling him how you feel. If that doesn’t work:
a little advice he isn’t going to change because you ask him to or want him to. He is who he wants to be. I’m Go out without him. Do the things you like to do with the baby and meet other moms. If he sees you having a great time and doing things you like then he may join in too. If he does great if he doesn’t move on from him and enjoy the bonding time with your baby or still get the sitter and go out alone don’t. I know it’s hard I feel like you are speaking my past. But I promise if you put yourself first you will find happiness that no one can ever shake in you.
Join a mommy and me group maybe u can meet some new people and gain some friends in the mean time
Video games kill families, and men that sit and play there whole life away, have you tried to sit and join him and played laughed at enjoying his gaming that could help you to get him back.
Do things without him…
I do things without my husband I dont rely on him just get up and go with my kids
Post partum depression affects fathers as well .
Suggest therapy. If he doesn’t want to, you go. You do not want to wake up 30 years down the road lonely and feeling empty because you poured your love unto a man either not willing or incapable of giving you what you need, want, or both.
Honestly, between your PPD plus the new baby he’s probably overwhelmed and video games are how he “copes” with that. He may also have some PPD but is focusing on you and the baby and work, so he’s probably neglecting himself. My husband is like that with his video games, but I made sure to talk about it and because he works second shift he knows he can come home and play his games uninterrupted and on the weekends if I’m taking a nap or doing something I don’t mind if he plays, but while I’m up and awake he knows that I don’t appreciate it when he’s playing them constantly. Maybe your husband just needs a break. Maybe you could send him out with friends or to a bar once a week just to try to figure things out. I understand that you’re overwhelmed in dealing with a lot as well, but it seems like he’s overwhelmed too.
Leave him home. Find a friend or family member to go out with you.
Go entertain yourself, take baby with you when you can, don’t wait for him, he may resent the baby cause you spend all your free time with baby or he didn’t want a child. Only thing you can do now is give him time to adjust.
I’ve got a 2 month old, ftm. My opinion would be to go out with baby on your own. Go get your nails done or shopping. Getting out of the house is the best thing for mental health. The hubs will notice you aren’t there and will miss you and be more open to family things in the future. I have a gamer hubs as well and it gets beyond frustrating to hear my son’s cries going unanswered while I’m cooking dinner and the hubs is watching him. When I call it out and I do often he just goes he can wait I cant leave the game or whatever. So I just take him with me and leave dad be. Its frustrating but you have to do what’s best for you and the baby. These men are learning how to be fathers and they are battling their own mental war. As mothers we have instincts and are with they ALOT so we know what they needs. Dads dont. So my advice, go out with baby and look after you, and give dad some Grace.
You both sound exhausted and depressed. Individual counseling and couples counseling. Join a mommy group, maybe join a church if that’s your thing. Build yourself a support system.
Everyone struggles with a newborn
Many lack sleep and its hard to find joy in every moment because theres a lot to do. U do all the wk for baby and he feels left out, indifferent because baby taking all attention…so he has PPD for men
And so do u
Both take vitamins
Make sure iron is good
Video games is ruining ur relationship
He doesnt have any guy friends either .new state. So there not much interest in going out.
Seems like he is struggling as well.
U have to take care of u. Sometimes when struggling with PPD it makes us take everything so personal
Make a,rule no phones,at dinner table or on a date
Go find mama baby events at library or café
Gym has daycare
Both take vitamin D
St John’s wort is natural method to support emotional health…ask dr.
It does help a lot!!
You are just feeling sorry for yourself. Get over it. PPD my foot
Honestly, if he can’t respect your feelings and doesn’t do anything to try to help or even just distract you from your PPD then he’s being an ass. PPD is hard enough with a supportive SO it would be unbearable with someone who doesn’t try to help. I would try to talk to him again, explain things to him and if you have specific things you want to bring up, write them down so you don’t forget or stop yourself. You deserve to be happy, you just brought a baby in this world and you have needs as well.
Enjoy your baby and be patient. Keep yourself busy.