My husband doesn't help or care about anything: Thoughts?

Need advice. My husband and I have been together for about 4 yrs, and we got three kids together, one of which is not his. From the time we first got together, I knew he wasn’t the “family” type because of his living conditions. He lived disgusting and never even washed clothes, but I was hoping all that would change once he got a woman to help him. 4 yrs later and he is still that way. He helps me with some things, but I feel like its more of a chore for him then him actually wanting to do it. We have had so many arguments because I refuse to be with a man that doesn’t care about anything. I have had to give him step by step instructions on how to live right down to taking a shower and brushing his teeth. I feel like I am his mom. I know this is common in men, but I refuse to allow that kind of behavior in a grown man in my house. I have enough to do with three kids. Yesterday we had a really bad argument because he has gotten to where when I tell him to do something, he says, “quit yelling at me” when I never even raised my voice. Even after 4 yrs, I have struggled with trying to keep my yard mowed. He keeps it junked up with stuff he will make money, but he never attempts to ma,ke money from it. And he never once has said mentioned getting the yard mowed until I do something about it. He will let it get so bad that our kids cant plays in the yard. I have had to hire someone else to keep it mowed. We do have a financial problem that limits us buying a mower, but you would think if he really loved me, he would take more pride in the yard since he knows it is my biggest worry. I don’t know what to do. I want a man that has priorities, but instead, I feel like I’m with a boy. He is 30 yrs old!!! Sometimes I feel like I would be better off on my own because I pretty much am anyway. He just adds to my stress. I have begged him to change and talked to him about this several times, but he is still the exact same with not a care in the world. Does anyone have the advice of what I should do.

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Seems like you know what you were getting into

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Yes and the yard, cookouts, and his friends were my problem so I move to an apartment since he couldn’t keep the yard right. Now he is mad that he can’t have cookouts any more and he helps more around the house hoping I will want to move in a house soon but that is not going to happen let him play somewhere else!

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Why would you marry him if he’s “always” been that way?? You obviously knew what you were getting into.

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I don’t want to sound like a jerk here but I am going to lay it out honestly. If he has been this way the entire time you have been together, you knew what you were getting into. If you are so disgusted by him, then why on earth did you marry and have children with him? The warning signs were there from the beginning.
No as for advice. You aren’t happy, the fighting and arguing is not good for your kids. Pack up and leave. Maybe seeing that he is going to lose you is what it will take for him to wake up and get his life together. If not move on. You and your kids deserve better than that.

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Sounds like you knew exactly who he was when you married him. So obviously you don’t “refuse” to be with a man like that. You married him. Had kids with him. And now decided you can’t handle it so you’re kids are going to be the ones that suffer…

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Is he autistic perhaps

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Tell him you want to leave. If he changes great if not you tried. But you can’t live miserably forever. It sets a bad example for children

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Um leave? If your biggest worry is the yard then find someone who loves to mow😂 but in all seriousness you even said you knew how he was but felt you could change him. That was your number one mistake, can’t change someone who doesn’t want changed. If it’s that unbearable then take the steps to go your separate ways, I think that’s the only solution you have.

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Looks like you knew what you were getting into but if he doesnt want to change and u cant handle his life choices maybe you shouldnt be together

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I stopped reading once you typed “I thought he would change”…

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Yes you should leave!! Cause obviously he wouldn’t care :woman_shrugging:

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I am just amazed at how many woman say I thought he would change ,ECT ECT …

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Get rid of him if u feel that way he will never change

Just throw the whole man away

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Sounds like you may have a potential hoarder on your hands as well on top of everything else…

I stop reading after showering and brushing his teeth, this is common in men!!! NO it’s NOT and I don’t know where u come from but everyone should bathe Every Day. Ewwwwwwww. How did u have kids with the funk smell…:woman_facepalming:t2:

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  1. This isn’t common in men. I have never had to explain to my husband how to shower or take care of himself or his house.

  2. Ignoring the Many red flags that you did before, eventually they are the things that you can’t ignore now. Not for yourself or your kids. They will learn from him and you both how to act and what to tolerate in how they treated.

Many of those things you focus on are just symptoms of a much bigger issue. The unkept yard, the lack of self upkeep and pride, all of that are standards that differ between you and him. Talking to him about it has not changed things after this many years it is not going to.

I think you know what you need to do. That you deserve to be happy and with someone who is a partner not another child for you.

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“If he loved me he’d mow the lawn”
What???
Girl, just leave him.

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Throw the whole man away :rofl: but seriously though…you knew he was always like this…you can’t change him and you should have tried to. If you didn’t like the way he lived and he wouldn’t improve on things within the first 3 months you should have tossed him in the first place :woman_shrugging:t3:

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