My husband doesn't think he is a good enough dad: What can I do?

So I need advice. My hubby and I have a baby together, and I noticed it’s been rough for him. Before he and I got together, he had gotten someone else pregnant, but sadly, the baby boy didn’t make it( the mother was drinking and taking drugs, he tried to stop her and reported it, but it was too late, and she blames him even to this day). He would have been 4 or 5 by now. Yet we got together, and he told me about it and told me that he’d like to try to have a kid. Well, we fell pregnant, and we had a girl. At first, he was shocked and cried because she was actually in my tummy. But now she’s here, and he loves her to death, he’s always playing and talking to her. I honestly see the love he got for her. But a few times, I caught him sitting and crying, and I ask why his response is always the same. He says he feels like a shit dad and that he doesn’t feel like he does enough. Yet he’s honestly amazing, always helping me out even when I don’t ask. He hears her, and he runs to give her food, diaper change, bathes, and even to put her to sleep. I always tell him that he is truly amazing and that she loves him even thou she to little to understand. When he walks into the room, she smiles, knowing it’s a dad. But he cries at night, and I try my best to comfort him. But honestly, it hurts me because I can’t help. I don’t know if he cries at times because he thinks he’s a bad dad or that fact he’s son supposed to be here. It hurts a lot to see him like this. Please help

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I think we focus so much on PPD for mothers and not enough for fathers. Maybe set up a photo shoot and have them take pictures together to hang around the house! Maybe have him talk to his doctor also.

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Dads get depressed too. They just tend not to show it much.

It seems to me that he never really got help for the trauma of the loss of his first baby. I’d suggest him going to counseling.

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Keep encouraging him and be his rock. I would suggest have him seek counseling.

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He needs to see a therapist, honestly losing a child is hard &ppd happens to either parent, not just mothers. Hope it all gets better soon :black_heart:

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dads get PPD more often than anyone thinks! Encourage him and love him, try to get him to talk to his doctor. I know it’s hard for men to accept help but it does nothing but help! :heart:

I think “I’m a shit dad” is code for “I’m still grieving my son and I’m terrified something might happen to my daughter”.

I agree with therapy. He hasn’t healed yet.

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I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child, my heart goes out to him and you :broken_heart: he cant help how he feels even though its not his fault, so id just be there for him, be his shoulder to cry on. Encourage him, tell him often and just outta nowhere what a good job hes doing and how wonderful he is. It might take a bit but he’ll start to believe it to :wink:

I agree with those above. Sounds like PPD. He needs therapy and possibly some medication.

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Encourage him to speak to someone, to work through his emotions of his lost son. It never hurts to talk!
Record him and your little girl together, sometimes my husband doubts himself then I show him a video of him interacting with our children. It’s eye opening for him.
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Keep encouraging him and praising his efforts out loud. He absolutely needs to heal from his loss, that was major. As baby gets older she will help him become better with time. He will learn as he grows. Oh and dad groups r real & help sooo much when our men start to feel they can do more. Men need just as much patience, understanding & healing as we do.

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the only thing you can do is keep reassuring him.

Male PPD is a thing and honestly this sounds like my PPD! I was constantly crying because I felt like I wasnt good enough and didnt deserve something as perfect as my baby. I was mean to myself and felt like I was failing. Those first few weeks are HARD.

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He should look into counseling. He probably has some guilt of his little boy but being here (although he did nothing wrong in that case). Keep encouraging him. He sounds like an amazing dad.

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He should go to therapy to deal with his depression from loosing his son.

There isn’t really much a dad can do during the baby’s first year and he is already do what he is suppose to and doing a great job at it too. My dad never even changed my diaper when I was a baby but was a great dad nonetheless.

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wow that’s everything a perfect father would do… what more could a child deserve then to be perfectly loved and cared for by the both of you. He should be such a proud father :heart: I think corrie above is correct we focus more on the mothers what about the fathers that struggle to see how amazing they are and all the love they give? He’s doing such an amazing job get him some help and figure out how to open his eyes to this underlying depression he may have so you can work on it together as a team. Good luck :slight_smile:

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Yes on therapy, and it takes a long time for someone, to realise that they’re not shit that the other person told them they were.

Dads can get PPD, too, and this sounds like what it is. Sounds like he might still have some unresolved feelings of guilt and sadness from what happened to his son, so I really think he should look into counseling.

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I think he may need to go to grief counseling. Many times, we grieve and dont even know it. He may need some help healing from the previous situation.

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