My husband and I have one child who will be turning two soon. We tried years to get pregnant before turning to IVF, which resulted in our son. Labor was hard, and I know it took a toll on my husband. We had always talked about having two kids, but since having our son, that seems to have changed for my husband. He does seem like he is starting to entertain the idea of another baby, but he still definitely makes it known that he is happy with just our son. I think at. First, it was because the labor was scary (both I and baby had some complications/scares), but that seems to be finally fading from his memory. Now I think it’s because our relationship isn’t what it used to be (argue more and less intimate). But that is improving now that our son is getting older. I admit I had a hard time adjusting to our new life and tend to get grumpy when I’m overwhelmed and tired, which I really was until around the time our son turned 1. I never imagined only having one child, and it makes me so sad to imagine him growing up without a sibling. I don’t know what to do if we never get on the same page. I always imagined our kids having less than a three year age gap, and we are “older” parents, so I starting to really worry about my husband’s attitude towards trying for baby #2 and just wondering how things went for others.
You can’t force him into it. Idk why women think that only their opinion matters when it comes to having children. It sounds like you went through a lot. Maybe he just needs time to adjust. You should work on making your relationship better, before you try having another baby. At the end of the day you can’t make him want more children. If you push him into it he might resent you.
You can’t force him but maybe later he will want to. As far as complications I was told not to have one cause I’d probably not survive my two boys are 14 years apart and have a bond that’s unbreakable. I love watching d with his little brother
I would definitely continue to talk to him about it but don’t try and force it. If the roles were reversed I’m sure you wouldn’t like being pressured or convinced into having another kid. Feelings can change and thats ok, and who knows maybe in time he will want another one. Give it time and if its meant to be it will happen.
He was likely traumatized in his own way with all the trying then the complications then the adjustment of a baby in the house and finally settling into a new normal with his family. Give him some time, work on your relationships and family then discuss it again in a year.
My husband and I originally wanted 4 kids. I had an insane first pregnancy and we changed it to “maybe” 2. I suffer from pcos and dealt with secondary infertility longer than I liked. I gave us a deadline and then I was going to tie my tubes and then get a complete hysterectomy. Miraculously my deadline was met. We are both officially done with kids because my second pregnancy was worse than my first and resulted into a csection. My kids are almost exactly 4.5 years apart and I personally and so happy I did not have them so close in age. Everyone is different, though.
Definitely talk to him again after giving him some time, but try to not pressure him!
It took 8 years to convince my husband to have a second child. I wish they were closer in age, but things work out for a reason. He was worried about the intimacy as I pulled back after the first me he was afraid the second would derail our marriage. 9 years and a surprise pregnancy later we’re good with the three kids, all 8 years apart from each other.
Give him some time and work on your relationship. It seems like you guys went through alot and you need to let the wounds heal without pressure. You pushing him won’t help. You guys are a team. Work through it together.
Why us it only women’s opinion on this matter? When the man doesnt get on the same page, come to fb for answers. YOU CANT MAKE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND!! Your relationship is already having troubles. Trying to force this will only make it worse.
Work on your relationship before bringing another child into it.
The CURRENT people in your house are the most important. Time lines and your view of things happening on your perfect schedule just aren’t important. My girls are almost 6 years apart, its not what I thought I wanted but thats how it happened. Also if one kid caused a disruption in your relationship then he has every right to want to keep you over having another baby. Kids do complicate life and make marriages go on the back burner, you learn to adjust usually but what it sounds like is He’s choosing you.
Why is only having one child a bad thing? Sometimes siblings aren’t a good thing! Be blessed with the one you have, because it doesn’t sound like it was easy, and if and when you BOTH are ready, you can try again. People raise only children all the time.
If your marriage is having issues then baby #2 shouldn’t be on the table yet. Don’t force him. Repair y’all and maybe that will change his mind.
Would you have to go through the trouble and expense of IVF again? Are finances a consideration? Would you consider adoption? Maybe both of you go to counseling together to work things out in your relationship before bringing another person into the world.
BTW, I was an only child & got to do so much because of it. Because of day care, most onlies are well socialized from an early age. I had two kids three years apart and they fought and were mean to each other. I was horrified, but all my friends with siblings said that’s just the way it is. They are grown and get along, but still roll their eyes at each other!
I would wait longer and talk about it next year
Being an older parent and going through fertility treatments is hard. If you haven’t gone through this it is hard to relate to.
As a couple you have ideas,plans, and dreams, and when those ideas and dreams hit complications… it puts a strain… and going through fertility treatments is extremely hard.
My husband and I are both “older parents” late 30’s, mid 40’s with a soon to be 3 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. We had to go through fertility treatments, had hard deliveries.
My husband too was just perfectly fine with our older daughter but, just like you we had plans and ideas for more. Thankfully he was open and willing, but he did say if it didn’t happen within “time” then he wouldn’t do it. God had our plans and we had our second.
My husband and I have been together for 16 years, I have a pretty good idea about what you are talking about out.
I would just try as much as you can to make your communication and intimacy a priority. Everything else will follow. None of us know your “ideas and dreams” as a couple. Only you and your husband do.! Best of luck and prayers for your little family!
Maybe try fixing your relationship first. Your son is never too old for a sibling. I don’t know why women have to constantly ask this same question. You can’t force him, and you might end up pushing him away. If you’re having issues, the last thing you need to be thinking about is a baby
My son is 8 and my daughter is 11 months. After my son was born I was all about just one child and I was happy, my husband sounded like you… it was stressful and it caused alot of fighting, resentment. I have a right to my autonomy and so does your husband. Eventually I changed my mind by that time I was diagnosed with cancer so hence the large age gap between my babies. you can talk at him and annoy the hell out of him but in the long run that’s only causing more damage to the both of you. my advice being the person who was in his shoes… tell him you said your piece on what you would like and that your going to table the conversation for a couple of months to give him time to really evaluate things. Mean while go to couples counseling work on your relationship.
When me and my (not yet at the time) husband first talked about kids, I gave him a minimum of two, I would like more but I wouldn’t settle for less than that. That gave him a chance to agree or disagree, without pressure, before we really got super serious about it and could decide if we wanted to move forward together in life.
Kids change your sex life, it will never be like it was before kids. Don’t push it on him. Its really not fun. I didn’t want more kids and husband did… We are both completely done. We got got
Pushing it on a man and keep bringing it up is just as bad as a man doing it to a woman. If he doesnt want another kid right now you have to respect it.