My husband doesn't want to do anything with me anymore and shows no affection: Thoughts?

I’m really not sure what to do, I’ve been in a relationship for almost eight years now, married for the last three and a half. My husband is on dialysis, and I do it at home for him, he doesn’t help with any of it, whenever I ask him to bring something in(it’s heavy) he gets mad like I’m inconveniencing him… and that’s pretty much the reaction I get when I ask him to do anything like taking out the garbage…which is the only thing I’ve ever asked of him, but I’ve stopped asking him to do anything. He works 5-6 days a week, but even when he has days off and is home(he was home pretty much over a week straight recently) he does nothing but sits in the chair watching YouTube and TV. We really don’t do anything together anymore or talk much at this point. I have children from a previous marriage whom he has always loved and treated as his own, and they love him as well. I’m just at this point where I’m not happy at all, I do everything for his dialysis, cook, clean, do laundry and everything a wife should do, yet I get nothing from him. He doesn’t even pick up his garbage; he leaves it for me to clean up because I always do. I couldn’t even tell you the last time we were intimate, and when we are, it’s when he wants it and is just sex. There is no affection or intimacy in our relationship at all. . . He has just very recently started telling me that I need to get a real job, I do contribute to the household financially, but I don’t have a full-time job which is what he wants now…and he told me to pay my own bills…like every bill we have is both of ours(electric, water, insurance) the only bill that is solely mine is my cell phone. However, we have always had the same plan. I’ve expressed to him how I feel about things, and he says that he is just always tired, which I do get, but at the same time, he literally has been this way for like a year and does nothing at home(other than financially). I have no problem finding a full-time job, but that still isn’t going to help with our relationship problems only financial ones… I’m not sure what to do! I love him but I can’t continue living where I feel like a maid and have absolutely no love. I don’t think that he is cheating, he just isn’t that type of person, but I do feel his family is influencing things he’s been saying and how he acts but at the same time he’s always saying he loves me and can’t live without me and the kids but literally it just words because he says these things all the time and doesn’t show it, at all!

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What kind of dialysis does he do at home?

I ask because he PROBABLY has some kind of lifting restrictions

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Stop cleaning up after him. I dont mean dont take care of your home or laundry because of he’s working you owe yourself and him that much but you arent his personal maid. Don’t clean up his crap. Stop bringing his machine in and getting it ready. If and when hes ready for his treatment he will get it ready. Otherwise I guess he dies, you are helping him and until he appreciates that STOP helping him. Dont do anything extra and start doing stuff for you. When he notices he will change or do without.

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He is probably depressed

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Sounds like he may be dealing with depression.

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Okay dialysis does make you tired. So I understand where he’s coming from. For you if you can’t handle doing it all then leave

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Dialysis has a lot of effects on the body. Lifting can be restricted depending on the dialysis type/fistula etc.
Dont clean up after him. Stop being a maid. That doesnt mean neglect the duties.
Perhaps try marriage counseling.

He’s probably depressed

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What a whiner the kidney are shot I’m surprised he can work be glad that you can help him remember your vows he is a very sick person

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I’d say try to do more with him he wants to watch TV find a movie you both want to watch there are certain shows me and my hubby only watch together my husband works 5-6 days a week and works doubles half those he helps when I need it I’m not that strong so he does the heavy lifting and we try to find stuff to do just us like watch a movie or play on Xbox together

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My dads on dialysis and depression is hardcore with him.

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I get what you’re saying but at the same time I know how draining dialysis is and the toll it takes on your body. Chances are he’s just tired. And likely depressed. Have the two of you considered marriage counseling? Please don’t give up yet. No marriage is perfect and we all have our ups and downs. But the best ones go through it all together and come out stronger than ever. Sending hugs and good vibes. :heart:

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He is in kidney FAILURE. He probably feels like crap 24/7. Tell him how you feel.

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If he loves you he should be making more of an effort to make you happy. Tell him you are thinking of leaving. And get a job that will support you. If he doesn’t improve then leave him. It’s probably depression but you can’t be expected to be miserable indefinitely.

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AND having had a sibling who was on dialysis for long periods of time several times in his life, I can tell you that you DO NOT FEEL NORMAL. You’re tired. You’re depressed. You actually literally feel ill most of the time. If you’re too dry, you’re weak and lightheaded. If you’re too wet, you’re swollen and perhaps coughing from fluid building up in your lungs.

It’s life saving in that it keeps you alive until your own kidneys begin to function or you get a transplant, but it’s not life saving in the respect that you feel like you can live a normal life.

I mean don’t be his maid, but don’t expect him to always feel able to help with harder chores. But ultimately understand that he probably feels like crap 90% of the time

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Dialysis takes just about everything out of the body. It’s very tiring and painful not to mention taking care of the fistula Not getting infected or ruptured. This is his lifeline. Dialysis people have short lifespan. So if your Husband Still works then count your blessings and let him rest. You are being totally selfish. I am a nurse and have worked with dialysis patients

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I am married to a man with disabilities and he has a lot of fatigue. Also, when a person has medical issues depression can follow. Maybe see a therapist.

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Get a job and start a stable income. It’ll help you stop worrying so much if you’re busy. He is probably an older man who is not only sick but depressed. Talk to him about how you feel.

Get u a job and stop cleaning up after him open the curtains blinds up and leave them if he’s depressed…and when ur at home do ur normal routine cleaning but leave his stuff only let him do his meds and leave the house when ur done and do something for urself come home with a smile on ur face and don’t let him see u down and when he asks why ur so happy all the time tell him just bc ur down doesn’t mean I have to be and just bc u don’t do anything doesn’t mean I have to stay there when I wanna do something don’t feel sorry for making urself happy bc u can’t make some one else happy period do for u and make u happy the rest will fall into place.

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Maybe you should try a different approach. Maybe you don’t know what’s going on in his head.