My husband doesn't want to spend time with the kids and I anymore: Advice?

I’m pregnant with baby #4, and all of our other kids are six and under. My husband and I got into an argument last night about how it feels like he’s spending more time with his friend than me and the kids. He literally works with him, so every day they see each other at work, they eat lunch together everyday, and on weekends they always make plans to hangout. The kids and I only got invited once to be involved with them. They do fun things like taking trips to D.C, go to museums, movie theater, and always eat at new places. I cried to my husband last night how it wasn’t fair that we never get to go anywhere. I and the kids are literally stuck in the house 24/7. I work from home and go to school from home as well and do all the household chores without help. This weekend he wants to go out with his friend and didn’t invite us, so I just got fed up with it and told him it wasn’t fair. He got mad at me and said his friend sits in his room all day doing nothing, has no family or friends around but him. And I literally in tears said that’s exactly what I’m going through every day and he’d much rather put his friend’s needs first. I asked him what about date nights for us, and he said we don’t need them. They are pointless, but yet he’s willing to drop money on his friend in a heartbeat. So after a long argument filled with tears, I gave up and said some things that proved he doesn’t take care of me and put his friend’s needs first. We ended up not talking for the rest of the night, even though he tried to. I was just upset and felt like giving up; I cried for two hours last night. I haven’t eaten much, I’ve lost weight not gained it(I’m 20 weeks), and I have let myself go. I literally don’t do anything to take care of myself and find myself wishing I looked like the Instagram models he and I follow. Maybe something might’ve sunk in because last night he went for a walk to think, and today he came home early from work and brought me and the kids lunch. He also gave me a gift card and told me to go do something with the kids tomorrow. I just hate that it takes something like me crying for two hours for him to realize I need attention and care too, not just his friend. He doesn’t see it as a big deal, but I even said the least he could do when he goes out with his friend is to leave the car with me so I can go do something with the kids. I also feel like a reason why he doesn’t want to be around me is that I don’t do the things I used to. I don’t give myself self-care anymore like doing my nails, coloring my hair, buying new makeup, wearing makeup, etc. I’ll admit our intimate life has been dulled down a lot. Do you guys think if I started taking care of myself again and feeling confident in myself that he’ll want to spend more time with me? I feel like he’s embarrassed because I’ll wear sweatpants for days or never dress up when we do go out. And I’ve completely lost all self-confidence, and that’s turned him off. Please help a mom out. I wanna feel confident again.

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Ok first take a deep breath. Second when the kids go to bed take a bubble bath put on a facemask but do all this for yourself maybe paint your nails curl your hair look in the mirror and say I’m beautiful I’m worth it. But dont do it for him get your confidence back for you. Then sit down and talk to your husband again and say I need you to leave the car I need you to leave money if not to go somewhere but also for emergencies.

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I feel like the gift card to go and take the kids out is kind of a slap in the face because it’s saying YOU take the kids out, not let’s all go somewhere together as a family.

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Well, first of all you should know your own value and not have to depend on strangers to tell you your own self respect nor value. Secondly, you both have kids so your intimate life isn’t down you both just have lots more responsibilities to attend to, not just you. Husband needs to realize his responsibilities as well not just to work come hm and go out!

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Is your husband having an affair with his friend?

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Talk to him again. Give him an ultimatum. Because obviously his friends needs are more imoortant. Or is it that hes saying hes with his friend and hes really not… Eyes wide open my dear… Check phone records. It might be more then what u think.

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You answered your own question with your question. Just because you are a mom it doesn’t mean you have to neglect yourself. You deserve to do all the things you did for yourself before. Yah pregnancy makes you tired but if you don’t have the will to do anything for yourself I’d feel distant also. Get up and get the fuck out tell ur husband he is not going out and you are. He is staying with the kids while you go get pampered. Don’t let yourself go and get out of those sweat pants! Put on something nice and take yourself out.

Girl! Go get your hair done, put on some make up and a cute outfit and take yourself and your kids out to have fun make new friends! It shouldn’t take him that much to realize how unhappy you are and it damn sure shouldn’t take you getting ready for him to acknowledge you your beauty! So yes get ready feel good but do it for yourself!

He’s cheating on your relationship. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical or even a sexual thing.

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I feel like maybe an affair like mentioned above…

Leave him it’s what I’d do to be honest

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Today is a new day! I know it’s easier said than done… I am a stay at home … I get up every day with my boyfriend… 6am. Everyday I shower and put on my make up (just eyes). And I get dressed choosing something that is comfortable but looks nice … I do it for me mostly. But I do it to look good for him too… I hear you loud and clear. Do not give up on him. Might I suggest a book and a FB group Finding Joy, live your Brave !! It full of amazing support and guidance. Sending positive vibes and hugs your way. One day at a time. You got this. Be Courageous :blue_heart::butterfly:

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I think how we project ourselves, project on others. Yes, your SO should love you no matter what, but how, if we don’t see ourselves how can we expect others to see us? Kids are exhausting, being pregnant is exhausting but we as women aren’t dead. Find things y’all can do together that’s safe for prgnancy and find yourself again and he’ll find you again. Do something for you, leave him with the kids for a couple hrs and he’ll understand within 20 min how exhausting it is. Do things you used to do. Good luck.

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Sometimes as a mother you forget your worth cause you get so wrapped up in being mommy… take a minute do for you and if he doesn’t wanna spend time with you and the kids and this friend is more important then your still alive go live again like he is !!! Lifes to short to wait around for a man to notice love you and your kids and find the strength it took to give birth in you. Good luck :heart:

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Is he gay? Seems to be spending a bit too much time with his “friend”

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And you don’t have to dress yourself up for him to give you attention. You shouldn’t have to alter yourself for your husband.

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I feel like you should dump his lame ass. 50/50 custody. Take the days you dont have with the kids, and hang out with your friends, find someone else who wants to spend quality time with you.

Girl he did the BARE minimum to make it up to you. He told YOU to take the kids out. He still plans on going out with his friend. Sounds like everything he does with his friend he can do with you also. Sounds like he and the friend are having an affair :woman_shrugging:t2:. He isn’t putting you and your kids first and he isn’t willing to see how he’s wrong

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I’m not the girly girl either. I dont wear dresses, I hate them. I do sometimes color my hair. Never get my nails done anymore. And you know what? My husband still spends time with me and the kids. Your husband is putting his friends needs over you and the kids. That ain’t cool.

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He’s not hanging out with the “friend” you think he is. Those are all the signs of an affair.

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