"How many stay-at-home moms have working husbands who come home to tap you out and spend the last couple hours hanging out with the kids and giving you a little break?
Whether it’s for you to take an uninterrupted bath, or send you for a massage or help clean up a bit or maybe just take the children on for the last couple hours before bedtime?
I’m so appreciative that I don’t have to work. And I’m not high maintenance (according to him), I don’t spend money on salons and getting my hair or nails or feet done, I don’t buy makeup or name brand clothes, I’m on Medicaid, and food stamps, and my daughter is on Medicaid too.
I get so many nice hands me down clothes for her (for free) from friends that wanna just give it to the next mom in need. He doesn’t pay my phone bill either. I just stopped breastfeeding her at two years old (about 3 weeks ago).
I don’t have a life, and my daughter is with me 24/7 since birth. He gives me an allowance of $150 a week. He keeps me out of his bank and goes out 5 times a week to play pool in bars.
He’s had more of a social life than I have since way before our daughter was born. We’re not wealthy and live in a crappy trailer. I don’t need fancy stuff but I’m just wondering why he thinks it’s more important that he has a social life and that I should be staying home 24/7."
RELATED QUESTION: How Can I Make My Husband Understand I Need His Help?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“No person should go out five nights a week without their other half. Kids or no kids. By all means, have your own friends and stuff but your away time should never be greater than your home time. Doesn’t he miss his kids? My husband is hands on the second he gets home. Sounds like something fishy like cheating. I’d talk if it doesn’t change, bye.”
“I’m sorry, an allowance? Are you a child? I would be doing my own thing, there’s no way I’m sitting up in a trailer 24/7 while my man goes out and lives his life and ignores his family at home and thinks it’s okay by providing me with an “allowance” that is the craziest thing I ever heard. I would be packing me and my child’s stuff and getting our own place.”
"So, aside from the $150, what do you get from him? Not even medical insurance apparently. Why do you need someone who doesn’t seem to care for you or his kids?..
… Did he not want children and is trying to escape? Do you know he is in fact going to the bar & not having an affair? Why are you putting up with this? How old are you? Do you have any family or friends who can help or has he isolated you? (This is a form of abuse.) What would happen if you got up before him on his day off & just left him alone with the kids for the next 24 hours? Leave him a note that it’s your turn to get out & then turn off your phone…
… See if you can get some online counseling to help your self-esteem, and start planning a life on your own. He will have to pay child support and take the kids on “his” days after divorce, usually one weekend night and every other weekend. If he keeps not taking them or not being a good dad while he has them, look up what you can do. Women’s centers have great info. Read up on what you need to do & see how to get him to pay for your divorce lawyer."
“Financial abuse is real and you don’t deserve to be a second rate person. Ever.”
“My husband isn’t a household chore kinda guy, but will gladly be home with the kids for me to have a night out with friends. Find some mom friends and take your daughter and go hang out! Don’t let him keep you trapped in the house.”
“You gave a long list of how you are not that expensive to upkeep monetarily. You have allowed it. And the answer is very simple. YOU MAKE THE CHANGE. Set money aside and make it so that you go out once a week alone. You can’t make him want to be home and you definitely don’t want to force him. Now, maybe in the beginning you both fulfilled a role, he works, you take care of the kids. But now, you’re evolving and you want to change your role. So change it. Don’t ask permission, you’re a grown adult, you simply make plans and leave. No comparing or telling him “you get to go out so I get to go out” tit for tat nonsense. Genuinely plan a night to go somewhere by yourself. See what his reaction is. Is he accepting? Because I can almost guarantee he will not be and then you can get to the real root of the problem in your marriage. You can pick up a per diem job and work only once a week. You need to decide what you want to do and make it happen but it begins with you and he will have no choice but to accommodate you.”
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