I’m in need of some outsider’s advice. My husband and I are coming up on our two year anniversary, and we have two little ones together. Here recently, he had gotten drunk and went on a rage, damaging his own vehicle and calling me any name in the book and then some. This isn’t the first time he’s been drunk and flipped out. But I have given him many chances, three to be exact, to either give up drinking or learn how to express his anger without being crazy. So after this last fit, I told him I was done. It’s been about a week now, and due to our circumstances, we are still living in the same house. And everything seems fine, and we are getting along well. It’s definitely quiet, because he doesn’t want to separate, and I am having trouble telling myself this isn’t what I want anymore. I’m stuck letting the good cover the bad. When it’s good, it’s great, but when it’s bad, it’s scary. He feels I shouldn’t leave because he gets angry once in a while, but I also feel I don’t deserve just to sit there and take it. Do I try once again to work things out because of the good and ignore the bad?
He needs help. And until he recognizes that for himself you will not see a change in a behavior. He is already minimizing his behaviors.
If you keep on “trying it one more time”, it may be your last. Something could happen to you, or worse, your babies. Either he gets help or you leave with the kids. Simple as that. They don’t need it and you don’t need it
It will only get worse. I would leave. The kids don’t need to be in that environment
My bf is the same way…he no longer gets drunk. He will have a beer or a glass of wine or two, but never gets drunk anymore. He starts feeling buzzed, he stops drinking. Mind you, it took about 7 or 8 months after our last blowout before he would sip a beer again bc he truly never wants to be that way again. Your husband should be grown enough to know he can’t handle his alcohol.
Protect the kids. His behavior is child abuse
No, your teaching him it’s ok to blow up when he’s drunk and that you’ll just let it slide
Professional help and counseling for both. Drinking to deal with anger is irresponsible and immature. If he truly wants to save ypur marriage than he needs tonget his butt to AA and they will help him get professionals he needs in his life and they will help you too
‘Shouldn’t leave because I get angry once in a while’
That’s ridiculous. You shouldn’t put up with it and your babies definitely don’t need to see that. Get out now because he won’t stop unless he seeks professional help
Work on your issues. You are married you took a vow to always be there for one another. He needs to quit drinking and acting a fool. And you need to put your foot down. Its alcohol or you and the kids. End of story
He needs Anger Management now. He needs to learn to cope differently.
Sounds like he has an alcohol problem! Tell him it is the family or the alcohol! (Assuming that it only happens when drinking!) Seek counseling for each of you and marriage counseling!
I put my self through this for 4 years. Run. It starts with other objects and will soon turn on you or your kids to beat on.
Record him being an ass…and say see this your brain on alcohol cut the shit or I’m out. He has to want to be better or it just seems like your trying to force him do something. After he sees his self or heard how he’s speaking to you. It could open his eyes. If not get out.
It will escalate into much worse if he continues to drink. I was married to a drunk for 7 years. Never again!!! If you stay in this you are teaching your children this is acceptable. Do you want your son treating a woman this way? How about your daughter growing up to think this is how a woman is suppose to be treated? My advice is get out now, if he completes anger management/ alcohol counseling, then you may reconsider another try.
Maybe its best to just seperate for awhile then maybe he’ll realize that he needs to change and get help. He doesnt thinks his behavior is a problem since you’re not leaving and just giving out chances. Think about your kids they can hear and see how hes treating you even if its once in awhile. They will start thinking that its okay to treat people like that.
Only if “trying” means him getting help for his alcoholism
You need to make a plan and get out
Get out of there if not for yourself then for for kids. No Children should be in a home where drinking and chaos can/will happen. Its more traumatic for them than it is for you.
I wonder how long it will be until he gets so angry while drunk, that he kills you, because he knows you plan to leave him for flipping out again. Poor kids would be motherless, hopefully they’re lucky enough to be left behind and smart enough to not step in when shit goes down.