My husband gets upset that we are not intimate: Advice?

I work, he works, we have 3 kids 14, 13, and a 7 year old. Right after I get home from work I get right to cooking. (Home by 3) depending on what I cook we are having an early dinner around 430. I clean my mess and anything I haven’t done bathrooms (3), sweeping, mopping, vacuum, laundry, bedrooms. On top of grocery shopping, boys football, and any errands that pop up. Boys help me with small stuff (garbage, putting laundry away, setting and cleaning the table, along with their bedrooms. By the end of the day I’m exhausted. I want to shower and sleep. He is home by 7 from work. His only day off is Sunday. Which we use as our family day. He stays in the living room watching TV while I put our 7 year old to shower and bed. I’m asleep by hopefully 11. He comes to bed around 12 and expects me to be ok with us getting our freak on. I have to be up by 7 for work. I’ve hinted to him maybe we should go to bed a bit earlier and we can have some time to ourselves and he disagrees. Saying he’s not 70. We are both in our early 30s. Am I’m being selfish, am I not tending to my husband’s needs, what can I do? Lately it’s been a constant argument.

232 Likes

Mama, it sounds like y’all are not exactly in sync. To start, I have some questions. Is morning sex a possibility? Maybe wake him up with some intimacy and see how it plays out. If that definitely doesn’t work, you’ve got two options: get the kids to bed, say fuck the mess, and spring it on him when he least expects it OR have a real, deep conversation about how tired/stressed you are but need to get it in with him just as much as he needs it from you so you need him to go to bed early so you can show him how much you’ve missed him, ya know? Guys like to be needed and craved just like we do so don’t be shy and tell him exactly what you want him to do! Hope this helps!

1 Like

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband gets upset that we are not intimate: Advice?

You guys should look at maybe date night and make time to get down and dirty.

5 Likes

I would go get him when you’re ready. If he’s not ready, that’s cool. But he’d better not wake you up later.

19 Likes

Relationships need intimacy. Otherwise he will look elsewhere. Think about his feelings as well.

37 Likes

1 or 2 nights a week is all you’re Asking for. Not for him to go to bed every night early you’re trying

9 Likes

Meal prep for the week and plan. More duties for the kids. Talk about turning the TV off and spend time turning the wife ON. Sex is mental for us as well as physical so we got to get there in our head before our body gets there.

Well maybe he could help you do some damn household chores and then he could get his freak on so you won’t be so damn wore out

He needs to respect the rest you do get and if he isn’t willing to come to bed earlier to maintain I Yama he in the relationship, that’s his problem and you should not worry about it. If you’re the one looking for the intimacy I’d do a date night that will lead where it leads

2 Likes

I tend to agree… you’re only as old as you feel. Go to bed when you’re ready to… but if he comes in ready to go in an hour, as long as he puts in the work to get you ready… go for it!

3 Likes

It’s not his way or no way! He needs to compromise… you have all the responsibility of the home, children and your own work! Tell him to wake up at 6:30am if he wants some!

13 Likes

Uh or he could help you with house shit. And then you’ll be in bed before 11. If he wanted it that bad he would come to bed before 12

1 Like

Why can’t men go to bed earlier I have the same problem lol

2 Likes

How about you try and go to bed earlier and get him to wake you when he comes to bed later :woman_shrugging:

10 Likes

Yea, a lil bit. You really should find time to be intimate with your husband, especially if it’s becoming a problem. It’s not like you don’t like too, you’re just tired, so you have to find time. It will help your marriage and make you both happier in the long run.

20 Likes

Show up on his lunchbreak with a trench coat on and nothing underneath. He’ll find time.

10 Likes

I commend you for all that you do…Let him know you’re exhausted, maybe he could do some of those chores

16 Likes

Nope. If he wants some “alone time” tell him he can help out with dinner or cleaning so youll be done faster.

20 Likes

He has from 7pm until 11pm to get you in the mood. Being planted on a couch watching TV is total disrespect of your time. He could also take on some chores to help make the load lighter. He isn’t lacking intimacy if he can watch TV.

44 Likes

If he wanted sëx he’d be more of a partner than a burden.

Try setting a date nite and make a pack that you’ll both stick to it best of luck

Early 30’s? You better do it before he calls the girl down the street lol

17 Likes

Y’all should be having sex every chance u get ….if its scheduled or routine ur relationship is doomed ijs

He helps with house chores or he doesn’t get laid. Sorry not sorry. You both work full time why does he not get to pick up the slack and still expect to get laid. Not fair to u. If he helps you get done sooner u get to relax and have time to play.

23 Likes

Or hear me out. Tell him to take a more active role in the household/kid related tasks. You both work. He can’t expect you to work, do it all, and still wake up when he decides.

19 Likes

He’s a fuckwit :stuck_out_tongue: do you mumma he ain’t giving up his free time to come to bed for you why in the world would you give up sleep for him. He is the problem. Life happens he doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it to

Maybe he needs to help around the house a bit, you gave him an option and he knocked it back, why can’t he go to bed early and get back up after, your sleeping anyway

5 Likes

Tell him to get off his fanny and help so you’re not so tired at the end of the day

Tell him if he’d help with kids and household chores maybe you wouldn’t be so exhausted since you work and do all household and extracurricular activities for the kids.

10 Likes

Yes u are tell them kids to help. u work cook n clean while they do what ?

6 Likes

Let the house go for a night… It will still be there the next day and spend time together…

10 Likes

Get a house cleaner few days a week and enjoy ur time together! Your kids are on good age

2 Likes

Tell him it’s time to compromise. Go to bed earlier or get up a little earlier.

But does he do anything to fix it… like engage in foreplay, doing house work to lighten your load, help with things… if not buh-bye

7 Likes

If he helps you out with the chores then things got done quicker and then you can have time together

8 Likes

Ya if he can’t help relieve any of the work you do, why should you help relieve his needs? It’s your house and your family, I get working later and missing dinner but there’s no reason he can’t take anything else off your plate. I’m guessing if you wake up at 7 for work, he works at some point after, there’s no reason he can’t run the vacuum or clean anything up so that when you get home, you just need to do dinner and that clean up. He sounds very selfish

11 Likes

Kids can help with cleaning bathrooms, sweeping, etc.
hubby can help when gets home, too. Tell him that if he wants sexy time, he’s got to help with cleaning time.

13 Likes

He doesn’t help with anything after he gets home??

4 Likes

My husband and I are 34 and 35 and go to bed at 9:30 pm and watch tv together for an hour or other stuff. Lol. He needs to get over it and appreciate you.

9 Likes

Why are the kids not doing this —> bathrooms (3), sweeping, mopping, vacuum, laundry, bedrooms

9 Likes

It takes 30 min. I get everything you’re saying but its so important. Make time for him. Enjoy each other

7 Likes

Tell his ass if he wants some he has to come to bed early so your not tired! It’s not all about him!!

I read your post and this came to mind.

9 Likes

date night every week

Them dishes can wait, that bathroom can be cleaned tomorrow, order pizza sometimes instead of cooking. Make time for him. I’m assuming he helps I with what he can when home

8 Likes

Haha, well if he wants the good stuff he should help with the daily things & “go to bed” early.

10 Likes

He sounds like a true piece of crap. Time to walk, sugar. You’re not his slave. Stop being one.

6 Likes

It’s called boundaries and as an adult YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE TIRED AND SAY NO AT MIDNIGHT. If he wants to have personal time with you, he can be your partner and roll in earlier or he can pout like the child he is acting like. Orrrr he can get off his ass and pitch in on some chores you you aren’t so damn tired. You get WHEN you give. :woman_facepalming:

1 Like

I cant relate because I cant keep my hands off my husband. Maybe you have too much on your plate. Dont use all of your energy everywhere else. Buy dinner once a week and let the house be a mess for a day and relax and spend time with your husband. Make eachother a priority

5 Likes

Make time. Ask him if he’d rather have sex or a freshly scrubbed bathroom. :woman_shrugging:t2:

1 Like

Doesn’t sounds like he’s tending to your needs.

6 Likes

You love him, make it work. You got the whole world some of us only dream of. Good luck.

4 Likes

I’d say if you can maybe not do so many chores daily like all the bathrooms, mopping etc and ask your hubby & the older kids to help you with the chores too (frees up more time) or maybe once the youngest is in bed you and hubby go for some alone time? You guys need to find what works for the both of you, intimacy is important part of a relationship.

9 Likes

Kids can have more chores and husband can also pitch in around the house . Sex starts in the kitchen !

Share chores. Good luck

1 Like

Deep breath, explain to each other your needs and ask for some help from everyone in the house so it’s not just left on you! Getting out at 7 sucks , but there still is enough time before bed to help get the house settled & then have everyone’s needs met for the night and have sexy time together!!! Don’t forget that alone time it’s very crucial to a strong relationship… hang in there!!!

3 Likes

Going by your description of your husband, the question I have is, “does he at least put his own dirty plate in the sink after supper (not rinsed)”? You make him sound like just gets home and plops himself down until bedtime. If that is picture you paint is accurate, then I agree with Alana Dixon Acker.

1 Like

I get being exhausted, trust me. Special Education teacher, single momma of two, in grad school. But still make time for intimate time with my hunny. However he makes effort to get and keep me in the mood, and will come to bed if I ask. Or just right in the living room. I believe it’s very important to make time for each other. But it’s a two way street. He can’t honestly think coming to bed after your already sleeping is okay. If he’s not ready to sleep he can come play with you the. Go back out and watch TV after.

1 Like

He just has to Compromise with you see it your way on your both days off get some us time( U him) find a sitter.

1 Like

I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, married 9. We have a 1.5 year old and our second on the way… and we still have intimate moments… I understand the daily chores it takes to be a mum, a wife and just a women yourself but it sounds like you both need to make time and lend a hand, to get the help and those moments together.

Your husband should be helping you when he gets home, not sitting on the couch glued to the TV. Going to bed earlier would absolutely help this as well, maybe not every night, just the nights you want to be intimate. He should be willing to compromise and help imo. It is important to make time for one another though regardless. The older kids could have some more chores to help lighten your load as well.

14 Likes

How about he “puts you to bed” when it’s your bedtime and then he goes in does whatever he wants to do until he’s ready for bed? :woman_shrugging:t3:

11 Likes

Have your kids help out more with chores, tell him if he wants to do anything he better come to the bedroom before you lay down. He can do more around the house too, you can’t pour from an empty cup

6 Likes

Going to bed doesnt always mean sleeping :wink::upside_down_face:

3 Likes

He may as well be a weekend dad cause this is unacceptable asf

8 Likes

i think the kids are old enough to help more and you and the honey can escape to hideaway and try something spontaneous and adventureous there at the house…spice it up even if its just once a month cuz yal needs some lovin vibes
it aint gotta be at bedtime

2 Likes

Well. Seems like if he wants it bad enough he’d do whatever would work that night like going to bed a little earlier. If he’s not tired after he can always stay up afterwards :woman_shrugging:t4:

3 Likes

and why can;t he help do chores around the house

9 Likes

Throw his pillow on the couch and get yourself an early night

5 Likes

Stop hinting. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Men don’t get hints. They need direction because men do not understand women…(can you blame them? we don’t get ourselves half the time)

5 Likes

Nope. You have every right to be tired

2 Likes

Only 7 pm? Wow, mine is 10 pm. And most nights I’m in bed at like 10:30 say good night. Sleep for a couple of hours. And am the one asleep starting stuff when he comes to bed.

1 Like

What would he do if you chose a time and asked him to join you? Would he turn you down or turn off the TV?

It really turns me on when nem whine about wanting sex and then do absolutely nothing to facilitate it
-said no one ever

Wow. He’s the one that needs to compromise. You need to split the family chores and get the older children involved. Try some crock pot recipes once in a while to have a lower stress meal time or try some frozen preprepoed homemade meals.

1 Like

My husband was the same way. I think he watched TV for hours to unwind & it took him that long to relax enough to be able to be intimate but by then it was 2 am & I was angry at being woken up from a sound sleep. I told him we can make time earlier or not have sex at all, so we settled on Wednesday nights early.

Rather than watching TV he should work out to unwind from a stressful day and then help you with dinner, the kids and housework.

Well maybe he should help you with the house hold stuff to free you up so you are not so Exhausted! Also get creative try quickies when you can and maybe a set date night so you guys can go to dinner or for drinks and talk to connect and want to be intimate. Marriage is work and intimacy is an important factor.

4 Likes

If he helped you would have more time

1 Like

If he’s unwilling to go to bed earlier, then he just doesn’t really want it. This is not that difficult to figure out. :woman_shrugging:t5:

3 Likes

Thank god I’m not the only one who feels this way! It’s exhausting doing everything… That’s the last thing I’m thinking about.

3 Likes

You being selfish for not leaving him :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: fr you didn’t make them kids alone and you don’t live there alone. Yes the kids should help but he should do just as much as you.

6 Likes

Take some time off, send the kids to Grandma and Grandpa’s. Do a weekend getaway.

1 Like

You need him to help more and to be more understanding being a mom is like having two full time jobs plus your working cooking and everything he needs to be more understanding he has to make time separate for you dont be afraid to ask family members to take your kids out and for weekends with no kids. Guys get weird when they feel theyre not getting all the attention get help from others if not pay someone to watch your kids or pay the kids to do more. Not alot but enough to have them help you are young and he is too you dont want him to stray. Trust me mine did because he felt excluded and i was so tired.

1 Like

You have to be blunt about it. I tell my husband, “I am going to bed, if you want to get laid come on.” Or some variation of the sort. If he comes, we get it on. If he doesn’t, we don’t. I have four small children, I work, I do all of the cleaning, doctors appointments, bath time for the kids, bed time etc. If he isn’t in the bed naked when I am, that’s his problem not mine. :rofl: He works and sometimes cooks dinner. That’s about it. I take on most of the load. So no, he better not be waking me up at midnight for some cookie. I’m 29 too. Not happening unless he wants to put more work in at the house. Lolol

12 Likes

Well hes not willing to compromise on going to bed earlier so you can have some alone time and also get enough sleep so in my eyes he can sincerely and gracefully f*ck right off :woman_shrugging::rofl:

Tell him if he does all that, it’ll turn YOU on!

5 Likes

The 14 & 13 year old could stand some chores

5 Likes

Girl if you don’t tell ya man to live a day in your shoes maybe then he’ll get why you’re so exhausted!

3 Likes

I would some nights, not everytime and certainly when I’m.not overly tired

1 Like

My 12 & 8 year old vacuum, can do laundry when needed, and do the dishwasher daily-the latter without even being asked.

3 Likes

You got to make time

2 Likes

1st off why are you doing all the chores when you have two teenagers ? 2nd um he’s not worried about your needs (sleep) isn’t that his job? To take care of you as well. I’d tell him you better have your showered butt in my bed by 10:30 or leave me alone. He can get bk up n watch tv damn how seriously inconsiderate and mean of him .

If you don’t find the time for him, he will find it elsewhere.

11 Likes

he needs to make time !

3 Likes

You are a hard working mama and he should respect that and not make a fuss if he wants it that bad then he should compromise to fit your schedule no offense

3 Likes

If he wants to do the deed he needs to go to bed when you go to bed and get it done. Not come to bed hours later and expect you to wake up and please him.

9 Likes

Have him help more around house so you’ll have more energy. Men just don’t get it. He needs to compromise.

7 Likes

I mean you gave a simple solution… he said no! It’s not like he has to go to sleep afterwards. Sounds like he’s just being difficult

11 Likes

Sounds like he needs to grow up.

8 Likes