My husband got someone pregnant while we were on a "break: Advice?

So my husband and I have been together for 15 years. We had a little bit of a rough patch and decided to separate, while we were not together he got someone pregnant on a one night stand. He has no relationship with her whatsoever, but he does pay child support. We got back together before she had the baby, and we now live across the country from her and his son. My big question or concern is that he/we has no relationship with his son either. It’s very hard because they live across the country from us, and he’s too young to communicate with. My husband is an amazing father and partner, so he is torn as well. With the distance, are we better off letting her raise him and keeping our distance, or should we try for more? My husband has been having a very hard time and has seemed to develop an “out of sight, out of mind” attitude. We can’t afford to fly back and forth to visit regularly. If we wait until he’s older, will it be too late? We also have two children, and we haven’t told them. Should we, or should we wait until they’re older whether we have a relationship with him or not?


How old are you waiting for?.

The truth will set you all free eventually. You should keep up a relationship if all parties are in agreement. Compromise and love


I would have let him stay with her. I wouldn’t of even taken him back. A break is meant to focus on yourself. Not focus yourself IN someone else.
Honestly and this is just me being a petty salty bitch, I’d buy him a one way plane ticket and let him go be the amazing father to his son. If a child has a chance to have both parents in their life I’m all for it. But sounds like he didn’t even care about the break. :100::facepunch:t2:

My first question would be did he have a DNA test? If he is 100% his, I would do what you can to establish a relationship. Babies can do video chat. If you can have him go visit his son once a year. Send gifts.

And tell them about his other kids.


Perhaps you should see about moving to there state for you guys to be closer. I don’t think having another baby is going to make that feeling go away.

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Visit when you can. And facetime. Phone calls. Tax season maybe buy tickets to go see him twice a year. So u dont have to worry about tickets throughout the year.

Get the bio moms opinion and come up with a decision together. Maybe she will move back? Maybe not? Offer what support you can to her as well

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You all should pack up and move there. You do not wait to have a relationship with a child.


Keep up the relationship if he doesnt the child will grow up without a father, period.


I just could not live my best life knowing I had a child out there no matter where they lived … that poor kid is gonna grow up thinking he wasn’t good enough and your kids are gonna grow up to resent you for not allowing them to have a relationship with him … it’s just sad that “an amazing father” would question to be in his child s life or not


You guys honestly need to talk to the mom. Don’t let that baby go without his biological father, especially if he’s stable enough and more than willing to be. One of you guys should really try moving closer so it won’t seem so much of a hassle.


He needs to man up and take care of that child why does he live so far away from the child?


You must be a very understanding person because I can’t get past him having a kid with someone else, break or no break. He took a break alright. And paying child support is good, but the kid is eventually going to want to know where his dad is.


Why is you husband having unprotected sex with anyone other than you? Putting you at risk of GOD knows what? Seems very irresponsible…


Ask the mom how she prefers it, because jumping in and out of a child’s life does more harm then good, yes he might “know” of his father but he will also remember “why wasn’t he around when I was growing up” and why wasn’t I important enough for him to stay. First get a DNA test done, but ask the mom how she feels before just deciding to pop in and out of that child’s life. :two_hearts:


This kid did not have choice to be part of this mess your husband and this women created. She as a right to have a Dad


You are such a better woman then me. I wouldn’t of went back to him. I pray you find the answers you are looking for❤️ you are so strong


Sounds like a lot of excuses.


There is no way I’d ever be with a man who can just say screw you to their own blood! If he can’t be a father to him but can yours and you think that’s ok then there is something wrong with you. It also seems like you chose to move across the country. Need more details to not prove you and your husband are being POS.