My husband had an affair and I can't stop thinking about it: Advice?

I have been in the same similar situation. I wasted 10 years of my life trying to forgive and not think about it, even with counseling and the feeling never went away. It wasn’t until we divorced that I finally felt free and could actually move on. But you must do what feels best for you!

Convert him i to a cuck. Problem solved.

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You don’t get over it. It will always be on your mind somehow. You should definitely think about how you would feel if you would leave. Maybe you’ll be happier and finally clear your head.

One… the way you’re feeling is NOT YOUR FAULT!! It is his! Of course it’s still in your head. A man you vowed to love forever betrayed your trust! And broke your heart!

My ex didn’t want to talk about the past either but guess what? That’s what I needed to start to heal and move forward.

He couldn’t do it.

We’re no longer together.

You’re not wrong for how you feel at all.

You grieve and heal on your time line with it without him. Period.

You owe no explanations.

If you cannot move past this and it hurts too bad, leave.

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It is the hardest thing you will go through, trust is the hardest thing to get back, you can forgive all you want but you will never forget!

He has to prove hisself by letting you do or speak what you need to to get past it.for as long as you need to. He made the mistake.he needs to do whatever it takes for you to be able to get through it. If hes not willing to id let him go.hes did it to you he needs to fix it.

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You have to accept it and forgive. If you forgive you have to let it go and move in together and be happy. If you can’t let it go and be happy then you gotta let him go and move on.

I would honestly just end it bc for me it would eat me alive and the trust is gone and you deserve to be happy so go be happy he needs to live with the damage he done it was his fault in the first place so. Know your worth and time for self love .

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First off, the person having the affairs doesn’t get to dictate when you stop talking about it in couples therapy. I do suggest personal therapy for your sanity, but sometimes things are just unforgivable, especially when the other person isn’t actually trying. Is he going to personal therapy? What is he doing to assure you that this never happens again? How is he winning back your trust?

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TIME!! BUT he has to be willing to talk about the affair of you need to talk abt. It. He was the one that did something wrong. So he needs to do what you want him to do so YOU will feel better. It’s never EASY!!! GOOD LUCK!!

I’m sorry but once a cheater always a cheater :pleading_face: I learned the hard way!

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In my heart cheating is the last straw. That’s it. You didn’t think of what it’s do to me, when you were in the act, you don’t deserve me.

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People go through different ways of healing and getting over. You have not started your journey. If all you can think of is his unfaithfulness, then living together is not the best thing to do. However, if you are not with him, you will always think of him being in someone else’s bed because you’ve lost trust. Learn to let go of your doubts or let go of the man. PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Stop hurting yourself with the thoughts of losing him. It was his fault, so don’t hurt yourself trying to mend something he broke. I hope you find it in yourself to love yourself more and more. God bless you. :heart:

It will never be the same,Iv been there

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It will never be the same…

Tell him to put himself in your shoes if you had the affair would he be okay with it after a year? Would he have stuck around to work things out? Of course to him everything is fine bc he got what he wanted…he got to have his cake and eat it too and now he knows that you will stay so what’s to say he won’t do it again? If the trust is totally gone then there is no point in continuing the relationship.

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Unless these people have experienced or thought they experienced what you have gone through they are in no position to really empathically understand your dilema!
1st question do you still love him?
2nd do you have a family together to consider?
3rd Can you truly move on?
Now to carry on in the relationship you will have to eventually move on!
If he told you then he has probably felt guilt and accepted he was wrong!
Ask yourself why he is still with you and not with her!
To get to grips with what & why it happened maybe relflect on your relationship as a couple.
Had you both started to take eachother for granted?
Did you after all these years stop dating, flirting and making an effort with eachother.
Did you still work at making your relationship special?
Did you prioritise intimacy, time to talk, time to share special dates etc?
Now if you love him and you know he loves you then consider all the above and try yo draw a line under what happened.
You could access cbt counselling for support. He knows how you feel and understands which is helpful. He needs to be part of your healing journey. Don’t be embarrased, share your hurt, your feelings, fears and your tears. Its his mustake and not yours, but you are suffering so he should be part of it!
If you no longer love him then why put yourself through the needless heartache? But as you are still together means you may have something together that can withstand a storm, even as huge as this one! All the best. Hope you find your happy place. You are stronger than you believe. God bless you.:heart:

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This might be an unpopular opinion… but you either have to choose to forgive him or you have to choose to leave him. Period. It’s not fair to him (or to you) to say you want to stay together but then punish him everyday for his mistakes. It’s not easy, it’s not easy at all. You’re going to have thoughts for a long time (things that remind you of that time) but it’s not constructive to make a big deal out of them, like shaming him or making him feel like crap over and over again. If you find that it’s impossible for you to do these things then yes it’s time to build a life without him in it. It is possible to recover from an affair. My husband and I chose to stay together, (was it hard, hell yes, am I thankful we worked it out, also hell yes!) it’s been 7 years. Our marriage is honestly the best it has ever been. My heart aches for you, I hope you can find the path that gives you the peace you need. :heart:

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Once a cheater always a cheater

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Sounds like YOU need to go to counseling. He doesn’t need to go with you. You need to work it out for yourself and then decide if you can move passed it or not.

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