My husband is a recovering addict, and I am struggling with trust issues. He lied to my face for years, but he says it was only about drugs. He says that should not make me mistrust him in other areas. I am struggling with trusting him. Thoughts?
I was an addict for 20 years dont trust him until hes got years atleast clean.
Lying is lying. In my opinion it doesn’t matter what is being lied about, if you can’t be honest, you can’t be trusted.
trust is earned i myself had to earn it back 30 years ago. Just because a drug addict stops using there pattern will not change for along time.
I didn’t have that exact problem, but I struggled with trust issues. That led to fighting. We finally went to counseling and have been 100% better. I definitely recommend counseling
If you can’t trust him money on. You will both be miserable if you stay
Don’t ever trust an addict.
One lie is enough to make me question everything you say from that point on. You have a right to have these feelings. Trust needs to be earned back and it still won’t ever be the same. Either you can both live with the consequences of his lies or you just move on. That’s honestly all you can do about it.
As a recovering addict myself, all I can say is, people in active addiction will do things they never would if they were sober, it may he hard to trust your s.o but it can be rebuilt with time and effort.
In my opinion if they can lie about the drugs they can lie about anything
The manipulation is real dont believe the hype
Drug addicts lie about everything . Do not trust him ! My sober ex still lies over things that he has no reason to lie about !
How do you know an addict is lying?
Addicts lie. They will always lie in active addiction.
From my own personal experience with addicts you can’t trust a word they say. They will lie about the smallest irrelevant stuff and obviously if they lie about small stuff they will lie about big stuff.
Maybe couples counseling? So that way you guys can communicate through a professional and you can express your feelings and why you feel that way and maybe if he still has anything pent up from addiction he could get it out as well. Best of luck!
First question. Is he still using? Would he be willing to take random drug tests to gain your trust. It takes one time to break trust and a life time to regain it back. Is he currently seeking counseling or going to a recovery program in or out patient. AA or celebrate recovery? Is he willing to go? If all or any of these are a no you have your answer. When someone is an active user he/she will do the unthinkable. Say things to hurt you. Cry. And do it all again the next day. They believe their own lies even. It’s not an easy road but if you’re willing and he is doing everything in his power to regain your trust again then there shouldn’t be any problems. If he’s not willing there’s the door till he is.
You mention he is a recovering addict, how many years has he been clean?. It’s hard to help and give a answer. Only you know him and I know addict who became clean and never went back and don’t lie. It depends on the person.
Me and my partner are both recovering drug addicts and crazy enough got sober together. We both lied constantly and cheated on each other when we were using drugs and now that we are sober we were able to forgive each other and make a promise to never put each other in that position again never lie to one another. Getting sober and becoming a better person is definitely a game changer and you’re able to see how much you hurt each other and work through that and build from it.
I would sit him down and explain to him what all he’s done for the last time and then decide if you wanna work through it and see if he’s willing to do whatever he needs to do to make you feel more comfortable. If you want to continue the relationship you’re gonna have to forgive him and learn to trust again and not bring it up all the time. It’s really hard but if the relationship is worth it I believe that you can get through it.
If you love him, let him know that you will hold him to be accountable. Not simply because you don’t trust him, but because you want him to be a better person. A man of integrity. A man of character. S man worthy of your love and time. Partners must put their best foot forward in a relationship, to not only reflect respect for themselves, but for each other. It takes years to rebuild trust. None of us are perfect, and sometimes we do things that we regret. But if the relationship is worth it, you do whatever you need to do to make things right. But it requires both partners making the same effort.
One lie makes you question everything. He lied about a big thing. He did this to himself. He needs to rebuild the trust with you