My husband is deployed and I feel neglected: Advice?

My husband is deployed, and we have been fighting more than normal. He is not communicating with me as much as I wish he would. I know he is stressed out and has a lot going on, and I am trying to be understanding of that, but at the same time, I cannot help but feel neglected. He even forgot to tell me my happy birthday and remembered the next day. Should I tell him how he is making me feel or should I just keep things to my self?

46 Likes

You need to be open about how you are feeling. If you dont tell him then it will only make things worse. It’s better for him to know now rather then hiding it. He can’t help fix it if he doesn’t know what you are thinking

3 Likes

His mind is on not getting killed…Remember you signed up for this

28 Likes

I think what you are feeling is very normal. Find a support group with other wives/women whose partners are deployed and see how they get through it.

20 Likes

Find a group of other deployed wives ect. He is deployed and only God knows what they are dealing with. I may sound harsh but when my step daughter deploys and we don’t hear from her we WORRY and PRAY They are protecting our freedom and have other thoughts on the mind. Please support him and don’t make him feel bad. Pray he comes home safe and you have a lot more birthdays to celebrate with him.

Be upfront and honest. I’m in a long distance relationship with my bf who moved cross country in July. It’s normal to feel that way. You guys just have to find a balance. There is truth to the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder.And keep in mind there is an end to the separation!

You should stop being so selfish to be honest. Being deployed and what they have to deal with there is way more important than anything else. If you don’t like it then get a divorce when he gets home. Don’t talk about some selfish drama with him while he’s there He don’t need that BS on his head. And don’t go cheat!

23 Likes

Having a deployed spouse is hard. Be understanding of what he’s going thru. It’s not just stressful for you, it’s both of you. Tell him how you feel.

2 Likes

You have to understand what he is going through right now , there will always be another birthday pray he that he is able to make it home in one piece. Stop thinking of yourself and start thinking about him .

12 Likes

He deployed, you need to respect that. He’s in a whole different world than you right now. So he’s a day late with your happy birthday. I live with my BF and he doesn’t even acknowledge my bday. His focus isn’t you right now. If you can’t handle that than you probably shouldn’t be a military wife.

1 Like

I’m an Australia ex Army wife, I know how hard it is be in home waiting. You need to think very carefully if this is the life you want because he can’t do more that that for now. You can offer support and dig to see if he is ok. Find out if he need extra support. They are trained to have anxiety and be alert the rest of their life. And trauma is always involved. A soldier donate his mental health to protect a country. Hold on. And find help for yourself, in Australia we have support for the families I don’t know where you are. All the best.

7 Likes

He’s deployed. He’s going through more than missing a “happy birthday” for you, he’s hoping to see his next one. You think YOU are feeling neglected?

10 Likes

As a former soldier, who was married to another soldier, it’s a deployment. It’s hardship. It’s gonna suck. Hard!
It’s natural that you feel neglected and that really sucks he missed your birthday! He probably feels bad about it too. Keeping communication open is difficult but important. He may not be receptive immediately though because his mindset is focused elsewhere. Please try your best to remember that. I know you’re in a tough spot but he needs you to be strong right now.
You’re welcome to contact me if you’d like to discuss this further.

14 Likes

I’m gonna sound incredibly old school. But I’ve lived it. And its just MY opinion? so please…nobody lose your mind. Maybe you should talk less. Hes gotta stay focused and sometimes wondering and worrying about what’s going on with you or what day it is may be too much. It’s part of the life you signed up for. Please dont bring up that hes letting you down or hes forgot something…a day…all his days are spent trying to get back gone to you…(((hugs)))

I’m a retired Army wife. Here’s my 2 cents. Your husband is a warfighter. He is deployed. At this point your are probably not on his mind while doing his duties. And you bitching and nagging is not keeping his mind where it needs to be. Grow up. There are many spouse groups you can hook up with to keep you occupied. If you intend on staying a military wife, get us to him not being around for birthdays, anniversaries and births of children. Don’t be one of those women who screw around on your husband because you feel slighted he didn’t tell you happy birthday. Once again, grow up.

If he’s deployed then yes you are going to get less attention and missed calls, you have no idea what he’s going through right now, and you choose to be with someone in the service. Maybe find a support group for wife’s of deployed solders, try not to add extra stress on him, maybe talk to him about it when he gets home to come to some sort of solution.

Hello…are you serious right now. Im sure he’s a bit busy trying to stay alive over there. One would think you would not want to add to his stress or distract him in any way. I think id be praying for his safe return home

This is something to ask military spouses, unless you’ve been through this, I don’t think your advice is valid.

7 Likes

Be thankful he’s still alive I lost my husband 14 years ago, I wish he was still around to forget a birthday or to argue with! He’s in a highly stressful environment, cut him some slack, plus he’s half a world away and sometimes they get their days messed up! I’m with Melissa, if you’re not happy then divorce him, being a military wife is hard, if he’s new to the service you best get used to him being gone, I was married to my late husband for just over 7 years before he died we spent maybe 3 years in the same place the rest of the time he was deployed, in school, or in Korea. Quit your bitching and get over yourself!

Wow. He’s out fighting for your ass and everyone else’s. Find a support group and leave him alone.

5 Likes