My husband is easily controlled by his family: Advice?

This is kind of long, but I will make it as short as possible. I love my husband very much, but he is easily controlled by his family. His family hates me and has always disapproved of me. When I had my son a year ago, they tried to force their opinions onto me, and when I rejected them, they would tell my husband which he would force me to do. For example, I had a c section and was on strong pain meds that made me tired, dizzy, and nauseous. They would bring me a giant container of chicken soup and expected me to eat that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next three days. I didn’t eat much, to begin with since I was really nauseous, and even more so after they tried making me eat only that. They got mad and called me ungrateful. That was just one example, but there are many more. Since they could see that I wasn’t going to do everything they wanted, they would convince my husband to make me. My husband, on the other hand, is a strong believer that a women’s job is in the house and with children. He expected me to have a super clean house, meals cooked, and for me to pay 100% attention to the baby(as in he wasn’t supposed to be doing my job like feeding him or changing his diapers ever). He started getting more abusive towards me, verbally and physically. I told his family, but they didn’t even care. I stayed home with my son and wanted to wait until he was a year old and stopped breastfeeding so I can go back to work. When he turned 11 months, I guess they didn’t want to wait anymore for me to work bc they told my husband that I was lazy and did nothing at home all day, so I might as well go to work and be put to good use. We argued until I finally said ok and I went and got a job. 2 days later, my son got sick and had a fever. I gave him medicine and took care of him, but after three days of him having a fever, they told my son to take him to the hospital, so we took him that Sunday. They said he had no infections, or viruses, or nothing, just a fever. The next on Monday, they made me take him to see his dr who said the same thing, that it was just a fever and it would go away after a week. That was still not good enough for them, and they made me take him to another hospital an hour away the next morning, and they said the same thing as well. In the meantime, I’m calling out of my brand new job I got, but thankfully they were understanding. In total, I worked five days before my husband told me I had to quit and stay at home taking care of the baby instead. That was my breaking point and got mad bc his family decided that for me without asking me what I wanted to do. He spends all his time at his family’s house, and when I ask to go see my family, he says no. every time his sister saw me, she would call me big and fat, and when I told my husband to speak to her about it before I did, he defended her saying she was just playing, and I need to learn how to take a joke. They treat me like an idiot like for example, they wanted him to drink chamomile tea and they brought it over to make it, and I asked her for the tea so I can make it and my husband said no she would make it(apparently I couldn’t be trusted to boil some water). Well, long story short, I got fed up and decided not to be controlled by them and started doing things my way, which resulted in my husband and me arguing all the time and eventually left me. My husband grabbed his stuff and went to his sister’s house and left me alone with the baby. I have no money since I didn’t work, the only car we have belongs to him. He didn’t talk to me for three days until I finally caved and called him and told him the baby finished his medicine, and he still has a fever. He dropped off the car the next morning, so I can take him to the Drs, but they told me he’s perfectly healthy, just has a fever. From that day forward, he’s been calling me asking me when am I going to move out, and I need to figure what I’m going to do bc he’s not going to take care of me and I’m nothing to him, and I’m lazy and just want someone to take care of me and that why his family hates and disrespects me and a lot of hurtful stuff. He says that he will only give me money for the baby as long as I let him see him and let him have him for the weekend. What can I do? I don’t want to be with him anymore, and since he abandoned us and can be very violent and abusive. I would rather he keep his money as long as he leaves the baby and me alone. I don’t want the baby being raised by his toxic family, either. I have been stressed out of my mind trying to figure where I am gonna go, how I am going to get a job without a car, and my baby isn’t even one yet, and he’s very attached to me. Since his father left, he hasn’t slept on his own. He will only sleep on top me while I hold him. I don’t know if it will be good for my son if I let him see his father or if I keep him away. any advice will help, thank you

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I can’t even read all that. Leave. Take your child and ruuuuun!

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Do you have proof of his abuse? Go file emergency child support and custody.

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Are there any domestic abuse shelters in your area they could probably help you get you and your child out

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Maybe call you own family for help

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I keep seeing “they made me”. You’re a mother now, nobody can make you do anything. Tell them to go f*ck themselves and give your hubs a wakeup call too.

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Call a friend. Call your family. Find somewhere safe to go and get out.

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Honestly sounds like the hole family is a bunch of A holes. You are the mother you make the decisions and since he is violent then i would seek a lawyer theres many lawyers out there that work at free or low cost for people in your situation. Ian glad to hear you got your self and baby out of a controlling and bad relationship your doing the right thing just keep your head up and stay strong.

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Screw his money! That baby’s happiness is more important. They all sound very toxic n keeping them all out of the picture would be so much for you n the baby

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Also tell his family to fuck off they are just more un wanted drama

Tell them to go f*ck themselves. Including your husband. Go stay with family. If you cannot, a shelter for domestic abuse? I know it is hard now but in the long run it will be so much better.

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I would get proof of everything! And I mean everything from him and his family. No calls only text so you can print them. Go to your family if they will help you and get a lawyer. Take him to court for child support. I wouldn’t let him have the baby until there is a court order in place.

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Go to a domestic violence shelter, they should be able to help you get emergency custody and child support, atleast point you in the right direction. Also call your family and tell them what’s going on. Keep all texts and call logs from him or his family just in case

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Honey they would of all been throat punched if that was me id be giving them a dose of there own medicine you are your own person Id be calling my family come pick my kid an I up file for divorce an child support

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Do you have family close by? If you do (or don’t) please ask your family or a close friend to help you get on your feet and leave your husband. Now is the time to be strong for you and your boy! Let him keep the money. I’d be scared of his family trying to keep your son away from you. I’m so sorry about your situation.

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Domestic violence shelter. Right now. They will have the legal help you desperately need. Then either shelter or your own family.

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He did you a favor by leaving. Call social services or a womans shelter, they can help. What about your family?

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Find resources near you that help women in a domestic violence situation.

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U said he’s very abusive? I don’t believe that, u say there and typed all this petty stuff about tea, not once did u mention an abusive interaction. Don’t leave, have him have a court put u out. Ur his wife and that’s his baby. U cannot keep his child from him, and that will be for the court to decide. He’s his father, he has rights as well as u do to the child. Y punish ur child and deny him a father? The child did nothing, u picked him as a father. Not the child. U need to grow up. U keep saying ur telling ur husband things to tell his family. U tell them urself. Stand up for urself for God sakes. Ur husband tells, u to quit ur job and u did. Now ur stuck with no place to live and no money. Stop letting people steer u in the wrong direction. If he was so abusive, u would have been planning ur escape from day 1. Take control of ur life

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Go to the courthouse, file for an emergency injunction. Write EVERYTHING in it as well as these exact words “YOU FEAR FOR YOURS AND YOUR CHILDS LIFE” in the injunction you ask for the house, the car and child support and most importantly sole custody until at least your divorce due to the abuse and violence and lack of him caring for your child!!
Then, as soon as it’s granted and it will be done soon… go to your legal office and file for divorce.

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