My husband is never around anymore: Advice?

Hello ladies. Some advice here. I’m pretty sad about my marriage right now. In fact, I’ve been like this for over three years or so. Mainly because my husband is pretty absent from home and family life; he’s started businesses, which is why he’s away most of the time. I was patient for a long time to wait for him to get settled send spend more time with us. But then again, I feel like he’s not even trying to do this anymore. We have teenagers, and our youngest is two years old. I often go to bed alone and have a daytime job. He doesn’t even have time to help out with daily duties. Sometimes I wish he’d come to bed with me when I do. But I know he’s annoyed when he does. Like he’s eager to go out there and be somewhere else. He smokes weed, by the way. I feel like he’d rather be out there getting high than being here at home with us. We DO have a great sex life, but then I feel like this is all he wants me for. Other than taking a trip from time to time. Maybe once every two years, we’ve stopped doing regular family outings, like picnics, eating supper, things like normal families do. It’s not like he’s out of town to do things like this. Sometimes I think about just taking a break. Not actually separate, but just leave town for a year for school or work out of here. I’ve gotten so depressed that I’ve picked up drinking regularly. I don’t like the person I’m turning into; I’m at a loss and might not be thinking straight. I do things for myself from time to time, but I can’t always depend on my teenagers to look after their younger siblings. They deserve to go out there and do teenage things.

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Pot isn’t the problem. Your husband is. Sorry to say but he may have another relationship. :cry:

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You need counseling to figure what you want for yourself. No one else can tell you what you want from life. It doesn’t seem like a marriage without salvation but it does need work.

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Never knock a man for providing for his family but not WANTING to be home is sad. Counseling? Sitting down and doing a no yell zone no matter how mad you get and ask him to spill the good and bad

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Why haven’t you talked to him about this? How do the teens feel about him doing everything but being a dad? I don’t agree with people saying counselling just because of the fact they can’t tell you want to do or need to do in the stand point. They trained for more mental issues then just regular issues besides marriage counseling

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You need to take care of you. (And your kids). Tell him that you want to leave because of all the reasons you listed above and if he can’t change and be more present then there’s no sense in being married. Also, I’m not a fan of pot and regardless or what people say it can ruin people because they only worry about that and not anything else

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Sounds like your already single mom get into some counseling for your drinking. Also set husband down and explain what you expect and if he cant give it your done.

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I read your situation and honestly, you sound exactly like one of my friends. She is, and has been, in this same situation. I am at a loss to tell you what to do. The only thing i can suggest is that you seek some kind of professional help as a last alternative. If talking about the rift you feel growing with your husband isn’t helping; then rather let it continue i hope you seek a professionals advice rather than throw this marraige away. It just sounds as if both of you have gotten tired and need some help reconnecting. Raising a family is very hard work. Sometimes its even harder struggling to balance the family unit versuses the couple unit. I hope you find a way to keep it all intact.

Sounds to me like you need to start living again. Don’t leave your teenagers home alone and don’t depend on them to babysit your children. You don’t have to leave to go to school. Maybe it might be a good idea to not make yourself so available to him and go on vacation with the kids without him. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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Weed isn’t the issue, just your husband. How many businesses does he run? Sounds very fishy to me.

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Leave. Men suck marriage is pointless.
It’s not what it used to be.

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Honestly, you need to sit down and talk with him. And if he doesn’t want to, if he gets angry and irritated over the request, well…as sucky as it is, that is your answer.

Marriage is a partnership…with ALL aspects of it, not just sex. So if he’s not willing to invest his energy into it, well…that is an answer, because ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! ALWAYS!!!

I tell my daughters to GO WITH THEIR GUT INSTINCT!!! I wish I’d gone with mine.

But if he chooses to sit down, and listen to you, and discuss the future of your relationship and marriage, well, then you’ll see there’s a chance to salvage it!!!

Best of luck to you!!!

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Sounds like you have a good man. He provides, you have a good sex life, obviously money to take trips. Just kinda sounds like you are the one who is bored :woman_shrugging:

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I can tell you after kids and working a full time job, I too, don’t have the energy or want to do “family things” like picnics. I’d rather work or be home with the kids.

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Get your drinking under control. Who wants to be married to a drunk! Him smoking weed has zero to do with anything. Go to counseling and figure yourself out. Then work on your marriage.

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It’s not his fault you’re drinking. You need to learn how to cope in a healthy way.

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I think everyone has their own ideas about what intimacy is and for men, mostly not all the time, it’s sexual contact. He may feel very connected to you. Everyone’s “love language” is very different. It’s important to talk to him, not fight or lecture, just talk and explain. If then he chooses to continue the behavior the choice is yours to what you want in your life.

It’s important to stop drinking. If you’ve gotten to the point of noticing it’s a problem, it is. Remember always you are the only person responsible for your own behavior and it sounds like you have an absent father in the home… that means the kids need you more than ever.

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Smoking weed doesn’t make you a bad person.

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You drink, he smokes. Those are symptoms of your problems. Maybe a separation is what you both need so you can see where you want to be in life.

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But down the bottle and smoke a bowl with him. May be surprised to find how much you enjoy each others company

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