My husband is upset that I am busy and he is with the kids: Advice?

So I’ll start this by saying that my hubby and I have been in a little bit of a rough patch. When my youngest got old enough to go to daycare, I started a new job, and I’ve recently switched to the night shift. So the nights I work, I get home around 8, sleep until 2ish, get up, get ready, clean/do laundry, then get the kids. We decided that it’s easier for him when I do work to bring the kids to his parent’s house so he can go to the gym. So I feel like I’m working my tail off, and I definitely don’t get as much sleep like him. I know he’s exhausted, but he makes comments all the time about me not helping out. It’s gotten to the point that he’s saying stuff to our oldest (5 years old) and she’s repeating it. I get he’s frustrated by the change because it leaves him with the kids in the morning and bedtime, but his parents help during the week through dinnertime, and I’m helping as much as I can when I work and all the time when I’m off. I do all of the housework and him meal preps and cooks all the dinner for the week on Sundays. I’m upset that he really feels like I’m not helping deep down and that he’s expressing it to our child. He’s done something similar before, and I have to remind him frequently about being careful of what is said in front of the kids. Whenever I try to talk to him about how he’s feeling, I either get his fiery temper or a brick wall. I don’t know what to do, but I’m miserable.


You really should communicate this with him. If your jobs pay insurance for therapy you better go that route

Tell him you are miserable… Never let a job come between you and your family. Apparently the night shift route is not what works for you and your family.

  1. I’ve done the different shifts thing, its TERRIBLE on the relationship 2. Sounds like he is not being supportive or understanding

Leave him and go for child support

Well to bad for him, he gets to go to the gym, his parents lend a hand with the kids, YOU are contributing to the finances by working. He’s being very childish especially telling this to your child.


Have a talk with him how your feeling. Tell him it’s time to cut all the extra stuff out. The gym has to go. How much time is he spending there?

Clearly working nights isn’t doing your family any good. Sounds like you can see yourself that it’s a struggle so maybe put your family first and change to a day time job.


Sometimes you have to stop helping for them to realize everything you do

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He is probably feeling neglected …maybe u need to make a day where u spend some time with him…sit him down n have a talk with him about it

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Remind him that Co parenting in a separated relationship would mean him having to actually DO More… :roll_eyes:
There’s a bit of meal prep for him to chew on.


As a SAHM, I gotta say, the only times I tell my husband I absolutely need him is wake time and bed time. I hate them both on my own. Now maybe if I didn’t have to clean or do chores or cook, it wouldn’t matter. Idk. Either way, you both need to recognize how hard the other is working, and that you both contribute important stuff. If you start keeping score, everyone loses. Maybe it’s time for the 2 of you to get away for a weekend together. If that doesn’t work, you need to find other compromises in life and around the house. And if that doesn’t work you’re gonna have to go to counseling, or decide that you both have to find new jobs with the same hours. Idk what else you could do besides end it. But if he doesn’t have the energy to take care of the kids now, lol, oh boy. Good luck!


I don’t think it’s fair how some of these replies say that the night job isn’t working for your family so you should quit. It sounds like you are pulling your own weight and he’s being a baby. Time to man up


He needs to grow up. If he was nights and you did all the day stuff no one would bat an eye because “that’s what women do.” Hun you are doing all the food prep ect. He gets the fun stuff. If he can’t parent up then you need to try councelling.


That’s not right for him to talk to you like crap I’d leave


He needs to man up. He helped make them he can help raise them


Tell him to man up. He isn’t too tired for the gym! He isn’t too tired to complain and act like a prat! He relied on you for so much and is unappreciative. He is a parent too. Get it done sir


Are they his kids or your… or both… if you work 3rd when does he work? Can they go to daycare? Evenings should be team work if he works 1st shift…

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My husband has worked nights the entire 7 years we’ve been together and yes it’s hard but I would NEVER complain to our kids that he isn’t helping around the house. He helps as much as he possibly can but I get more sleep than he does. So I do “more” for the kids and house than he does. But that’s fine. Your husband is lucky he can take the kids somewhere so he can go to the gym. I’m lucky to get an uninterrupted shower a few days a week. And forget about going somewhere without the kids. I went and got my nails done in October and that’s the only “me time” I had THE WHOLE YEAR.


Might want to check out therapy that way you have a non-biased mediator to help you learn how to communicate with each other in a way that is more constructive instead of angry.