My husband isn't emotionally supportive: Advice?

How do you deal with your husband, not being emotionally supportive? My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for 3. We have a 1yr old. When this is good, they’re okay. Not perfect, nobody is, but usually, they’re good. I have times where I have emotional outbursts because I’m stressed or anxious about something, and I’ll blow up and yell and feel like the whole world is against me or that nothing I do, I do right. Sometimes I feel like I’m constantly being judged or that I’m being attacked even when I’m not, and it turns into a fight that has effects for days. I’ll calm down and realize that when I blow up like that, it isn’t fair and okay, and I’ll say, “Maybe I should talk to someone. I shouldn’t get angry or upset at the drop of a hat like that”. And his response will be, “You don’t need to talk to someone. You’re fine,”. Even without the fighting, he doesn’t hold me or hug me or kiss me or even hold my freaking hand. Almost ever. But then some days when he’s feeling feisty, he will so I’ll warm up and give him what he wants. It makes me mad because I want to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, and he legit tells me no and that he doesn’t want to. I guess I’m more upset that now we have a daughter, she’ll see how emotionally unavailable he is, and that I get upset that my own husband doesn’t want to hold my freaking hand in the store… And I don’t want her to grow up thinking that it’s okay… I haven’t even mentioned couples therapy to him because I know what he would think and what he’d say. I guess my question is, do I suck it up and quit whining, do I see a therapist without telling him, and how can I make sure it doesn’t affect my daughter? Please note I DO NOT think I need a divorce at this time, just a bit more affection and support from him.

16 Likes

See someone on your own for now. You cant control him but you can work on yourself

4 Likes

I think you do need to talk to someone. There is nothing wrong with it but there is a reason you MUST have that affection, and that’s ok. Some men just simply do not like giving affection as much as women, and that is ok too. I think you both need to find a common ground with that but overall, I think you should talk to someone. Maybe even couples therapy. There is a reason you are how you are, and for all you know…there is a reason why he is the way he is.

2 Likes

You need to do what’s best for you, and if you think counseling or something like that would be beneficial go for it. If things don’t improve after that, suggest separating. Sounds more like roommates than a relationship :disappointed:

Where his parents affectioned towards him as a child?

2 Likes

See someone on your own.
The only person you can “Change” is yourself.
With time, maybe he will be open to couples counseling.

3 Likes

Was he always this way… or has he changed after time…

5 Likes

Is he affectionate in other ways? Love languages are a real thing and some people just arent about the physical affection. You’ve said yourself you have blow ups on him, and that they’re not fair. Maybe you’ve pushed him away and he’s scared to get close now. Couples therapy is a good place to figure things out.

5 Likes

I dont hold hands in public period. Or be very affectionate. As I age. It’s not that hortible he doesnt wanna hold hands or even in public. Hands literally freak me out period. So you may need someone to talk to to get to the bottom of your emotions.

Life is way too short. Don’t waste your life on that, you deserve to be happy, your daughter deserves to be happy you got to do what’s right for you. Even if it means leaving him behind. Good luck to you.

DO see a therapist if you believe it’s something you would benefit from emotionally/mentally. There shouldn’t be a reason to hide it from him tho. He’s entitled to his opinion but ultimately its your choice to make. As for his lack of affection, is that new or has he always been that way? If it’s new maybe try asking what’s going on with him. Whats changed to make him feel like he doesn’t want to be that way with you anymore. Personally if I were you I’d start seeing a therapist & try asking your husband questions to figure out his feelings on physical affection between you two. Maybe there’s some underlying reason. If talking to him alone doesn’t work maybe you should mention couples therapy.

1 Like

You both have to different love languages And you both need to figure yours out. That way you can both work on things. Find a middle ground.

5 Likes

Maybe he doesn’t know how to react to you when you have outbursts? It can be difficult when in a relationship with someone that are so up&down,I think getting a handle of what’s going on emotionally with you is so much more detrimental then her not seeing affection regularly, definitely inquire some counseling

Following … I’m sorry your going through that, it’s so hard when your partner isn’t emotionally supportive … maybe couples therapy is the best thing if both you & him are willing to go .

I use to br like that found out I had undiagnosed at the time anxiety once I figured out the issue and went to therapy im alot better person now I got taught grounding techniques and my triggers once I focused on myself and got myself help my relationships got stronger and better

1 Like

As he always been like this??

Personally it (SOUNDS LIKE) you may have a stress and anxiety disorder that you should discuss with your Dr. Not trying to be mean, but think you should get your emotions under control first, to wrongs to make anything right.

Your emotional outbursts aren’t okay. You even admitted that.

Don’t hide it tell him and just go for yourself

1 Like

See a therapist w/o tellin him. I’m being maybe paranoid but if it works? Awesome. If not and the reationship fizzles. You don’t want him using it in a custody battle.