My husband isn't happy with the way the house looks when he comes home: Advice?

Is it just me as a stay at home mother who does everything in this house, and he goes to work and pays the bills. I’m not complaining about that because I’m very, very grateful for it. I cook, clean, and take care of kids every single day—a two-year-old and a three-month-old. I am breastfeeding. This baby feeds every 3 to 4 hours. So, here is the scenario… As I am cleaning our home, today I try to bring up some ideas about our kitchen that we, unfortunately, have to renovate because we had a fire a few months ago. (So, of course, it’s going to be messy and unorganized) He just put a new window in over the weekend, and there are things shoved into the other side of the kitchen on the countertop. I understand his frustration, but he’s blaming it all on me and telling me that I need to clean it because it’s all of my stuff. (which clearly isn’t true, but I won’t go there) I told him we live in our home, I do my best being the fact that I am with our children literally all day every day, and to understand that. He went to a friend’s house who has it made better than us apparently, so I am not sure if that’s where this had come from, but I can not handle this childish repetitive behavior. Speaking of childish, he tries to talk to me like a am one. So now I’ve sat here all day thinking about how “dirty” my home is. Trying to remind myself to give myself grace bc I have now two littles, two huge dogs who I vacuum after daily, and I am doing a good job. Can someone talk to me because I refuse to talk to my family about anything because the second I do that’s also a problem.

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If my husband at the time came home and said that I’d tell him I’ll go to work for you tomorrow so you’ll have to grow bookies with milk and run after a lil one see how well your days go and chuck he lazy ass on the sofa for a night ungrateful

I feel bad your husband needs to cut you a break. It isn’t easy raising.children and taking care of everything else.

You’re doing your best if he’s that concerned let him pick up a broom or wash a dish… better yet tend to the kids do you can focus on the house… Having a difficult partner is no fun, been there and going through a separation. I don’t know you but I hope you’re not doubting yourself! Dont lose yourself over little things like cleaning :blue_heart:

I agree u shouldn’t go to family with issues. That only creates huge issues. I would remind him that taking care of the children is a job and that shouldn’t mean that he can’t help out with the daily chores. Chores are just that chores and both parties should help out.

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Try an trade places for a day, on a weekend. Leave kids with him, be gone for 8-10 hours. (Of course pump the milk beforehand if you can). He will soon change the tune of his mood, other then that. Just keep doing what ur doing the best you can. An if he can’t handle that, then do what’s best for your mental health.

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Try to get to the root of the real problem. Also, this is a big red flag to me. I hope everything works out you you.

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Sounds like my previous life . All the best

Pump before you leave, leave him a list of things that need done around the house before you leave (make it extra messy) and tell him you’d appreciate everything done before you get home… Get in the car… and leave him to do it all with the kids on a Saturday. Tell him if its so easy… to do it himself (install nanny cam to make sure he doesn’t call someone to babysit for help) and go to iHop, get a waffle, and wait for the nail place to open.

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Trade places with him for a couple of days so he can see how hard it is.

I agree with trading places for a day. It isn’t easy especially having a baby who is breast fed. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding the kids, changing diapers and running errands(grocery shopping, paying bills). It’s hard work and some men don’t understand, they think we just sit around all day. Little do they know us moms don’t get breaks and our job isn’t just 8/10 hr day and we can call it quits. Its 24/7. You’re doing an amazing job by doing the best you can and he needs to appreciate you as much as you appreciate him for his hard work for providing!

Is he is not happy with how the house looks than he should clean it himself.

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Honey as soon as you can afford (When the little one gets about a year)to please try and seek employment. It might be a little hard in this climate but please do.
Providing money is not all .As you rightly said it is YOUR home so he needs to put in his effort. You are not a baby making slave. A two year old is a hand full further more the younger child.
See if you can have time for a candid conversation. That is not good enough. You need rest too. You can confide in a family member you are not a prisoner. You have to speak to someone or your mental health will decline.Stop worrying about clean house.At least you have one the fire could have taken it all.

Your husband needs to be put in check. You have a newborn and your breastfeeding!! They’re his kids too. He can take over when he gets home so you can get a few things done. Just because he works doesn’t mean he gets a pass taking care of his kids every day.

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I have been where you are Sweetie!! Just Remember You Are and Do Good Enough!!! Being a stay at home parent and homemaker/spouse is tough work!!! If you just need an understanding ear you can DM me!!

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Get a new husband, yours sounds defective :woman_shrugging:t4:. You’re doing a great job if its your responsibility to care for 6 people and a home with no help.

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Maybe he wishes he never had kids altogether. You know people give this false narrative of the perfect family etc when in reality kids make things hectic. He appears irritated and looks like it is only a matter of time before he walks away. At this time you just need to find your peace.

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You are doing an amazing job. Having a full time job is hard but also been with 2 young children and having a house to clean all day is a job. You do one room then it is trashed, you’re constantly washing up dishes etc. You both need to appreciate what you do for your relationship and family. I hope he can see what you do. Xx

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A word of of my thought… If your husband ever complains and you feel unappreciated… Just 4 2 days max, disappear. Just walk out 10 min before he comes home. Leave the kids fed and asleep and watch from a distance. See if he can cope with what you go through each day.

Get rid of the dog’s ?!!! :thinking::sunglasses:

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