Hello, I really need this question/outreach for advice to stay anonymous; I have family and friends that like your page. Thank you. My husband and I have a five-month-old baby. I am a stay at home mom, which I am very thankful for. However, my husband is not very involved. He rarely changes diapers, doesn’t help w any cleaning or house chores, never offers to give me a break, doesn’t help with bath time, basically only holds the baby if I hand them to him, and has never offered to help w feedings (been having cereal for a little over a month). When I ask for help, he gets pissy, claiming he is too tired from work. I feel like a single parent. He falls asleep on the couch every night, and I do the bedtime routine alone. Granted, his job is demanding, but I feel like I deserve a little help too. It is making me question having any more kids, which is terrible for me because I have always wanted a lot of babies. I don’t live near family, so I am always alone. He gets to go out and do his hobbies and things, and I’m stuck at home by myself, taking care of everything. If I say anything to him about it, he just gets pissy and says in nagging and being selfish. He even fell asleep when I was induced with our baby, which is still bothering me. Am I selfish, feeling this way because he provides for us and allows me to stay home? Or are my feelings legitimate?? Because no have tried talking to him about this so many times, and I’m too exhausted to try anymore and feel at a loss? Sincerely, single married mother.
That was my life. I made the choice to leave. Figured i was a single parent already so why not. 6 yrs later Im so proud and happy I made that choice. It perked me up and he gained perspective when he had solo visits. As of now we will still never be together again…but his dad skills sure shot through the roof.
Talk to you’re husband that you need someone to help
You have the right to feel the way you do parenting is hard work and doing it alone even harder I remember with my first at times I just wanted my husband to come home and help me with the baby just for a little bit which he did. You should communicate and let him know he needs to step up.
He is only going to show you this side of him every time you are pregnant and have a little one. I think men have a harder time connecting with babies. My oldest daughters dad wouldn’t look at her. He wanted a buddy and wanted to go have fun. Until she got older is when he paid attention to her.
I admit, I’d be upset. I’d try talking to him and telling me how you feel. Tell him you really need him yo help out more. If there’s no change, I’d consider moving on. There are plenty of men out there that would be a partner. Love to help with the baby. He seems very selfish. Good luck. I hope things get better.
Your feelings are absolutely legitimate. I think for some fathers it just doesn’t quite register, they think you’re mommy so you must be the baby’s sole caregiver. Or “you do it better”. Wrong. You’re a person, you need help and you need rest. You need to spill your feelings, and just let them all out. Tell him exactly how you’re feeling physically and emotionally and tell him that he’s just as responsible for the baby as you are.
You guys need to be on even levels of parenting.
My husband works his ass off so I can stay home with the kids. He will come home from work and still help with whatever needs help. He begs me to go out so he can bond with his kids.
You need to have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel. He cannot read your mind. If he doesn’t budge, try counseling so it’s on an even field. He might be going through Post-Partum as well.
I have been in this situation before. As hard as it is , you need to decide what sort of relationship you TRULY want with your significant other , decide how you WANT to be treated and then assess if that IS how you are being treated.
You also set a standard for your children on what is acceptable in a relationship and what isn’t. Are you truly happy? Or are you settling for a relationship with the father of your child because it’s just easier then facing change …
I say with this personal experience and love and empathy toward you in this situation and at the end of the day Mumma bear Your happiness and your babies happiness are what is most important. X
Same boat. I know how this feels first hand. I have recently decided to find my freedom. Got a job. Found daycare that I pay out of pocket just to get out more. I enjoyed being a stay at home mom but they were some of the hardest years I’ve endured… Communication hasn’t worked for me. I practically have to have a meltdown to get any help with the kids. It’s hard. I’m on the verge of giving up and leaving after 14 years. I question how much more I can handle at some point everyday…
My husband works 10-12 hrs a day 6 days a week so that I can stay home with the kids. He lifts 1000s of pounds of metal a day yet he still comes home everyday and helps out either with chores around the house or the kids. He never complains that the laundry isn’t folded or dinner is macncheese and corn dogs. He does the kids bedtime routine every single night without fail. Takes over for me when I’m sick or just need a break. This is a partnership. I’m sorry that your SO isn’t taking more of a role in his child’s life. Get counseling now or it will only get worse between the two of you.
I was in the same boat as you and when me and my soon to be exhusband split I felt relieved I had less stress but my suggestion is talk if you sitting him down doesn’t work then I say think about other options because he needs to grow up and help you he had no problem making that baby he should be stepping up
As a SAHM myself, I totally felt this on a very personal level. I, myself don’t have family where we live, so I am also very alone. I bottled everything up & sucked it up because I felt like if I “complained” or anything I was being ungrateful… & it’s not necessarily like my husband didn’t want to help he just didn’t offer & I never asked for it because I felt bad that he worked all day & I stayed home. I didn’t understand that what I was doing is a job also, nor did he. It took me a long & mentally self-tormenting 8 months till I cracked. I broke down one day, literally cried so hard I couldn’t even breathe & just told him how I felt, how exhausted I was & how all I just needed was a little break & some help! He was taken back because like I said, he had no idea… fast forward to now, we have a 4yr old, 2yr old & one on the way & I still have days of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted & just honestly, depressed. I have learned that talking about it before it gets to that point really does help, I feel fortunate I have a husband who hears me out & helps me with what he can! So, with all of that, I just recommend communicate! Talk, cry, just have to let it all out & tell him everything! Hope it gets better for you, I’m rooting for you.
I’m a SAHM that works only part time. This is something that honestly breaks my heart to read. You deserve so much better. For any father to be like this, shame on him. My husband works 10-12 hour days. On a 10 and 4 schedule. He comes home and takes over so I have a bit of me time. Or if I want to go do something. I don’t even have to ask. Then on his days off. He does all the cooking. Let’s me sleep in and we do family stuff. I couldn’t imagine not having it any other way. And honestly it takes two people that really want to make it work and that love each other to have it this way.
Sounds almost word for word what happen with my exhusband. He disregarded how I felt and was never interested in our son until I decided to leave him. I just had a baby girl 4 months ago, and the man I am with now is so involved it still amazes me. She’ll start getting a little fussy when I’m making dinner and he’ll just go pick her up and play with her. My ex wouldn’t even if I had begged him to when our son was little.
We must understand that not every father or mother get attached to their children or want anything to do with house chores and that doesn’t make them a bad parent. The first question is, before your adorable was born, did your husband assist with house chores? If he didn’t partake in house chores then, why do you expect him to do now? Secondly, since you both agreed to be a stay at home mum, probably get a baby sitter who resumes in the morning and closes in the evening. That way you have some spare time to sleep and have personal time too.
Please except physical, emotional or mental abuse is involved, stay in your matrimonial home. The grass isn’t greener at the other side oh, na carpet grass Dey there.
Zmund Alejandro Opiña
As a sahm I feel very fortunate to have a husband who drive 3 hrs a day works 8-12 a day and still the only thing he wants to do when he comes home is take care of our daughter you need to figure out if it’s worth your sanity being home alone with the baby all the time is exhausting and lonely as it is but for him to treat you like the baby is all you all the time is bs
If he keeps treating you like a single parent, you might as well be one! Would give you one less child to care for… All he’s doing is showing you that you CAN do it without him. He better hope he steps up before you truly realise that x
How do women still marry and have children with men like this?
I know this is not an answer but it’s my question…
Seriously though, can you not speak up and put your foot down?