My husband recently left us. I’m broken over it. I love him so much and didn’t see this coming. The thing that hurts the most though is that my kids are blaming themselves and thinking that they weren’t good enough to keep him in their lives. He is their stepdad. He stepped in and stepped up when their bio dad decided that he didn’t want to be a dad anymore. My husband has been in our lives for 6 short years but that was enough to make a huge impact. I know that I’ll be ok with time. I just want him to be happy even if it isn’t with me. How do I help my kids though? How do I take away the pain that they’re in?
I havent gone thru this or know anyone who’s been thru this but all I can say is, just be there for your kids. They too, will be ok, in time. Good luck and be blessed. Much strength to you. <3
Give it time. Lots of time.
Let them know you love them.
therapy… earlier the better… new support systems…
Keep reassuring the kids that its not their fault, that they did nothing wrong. Therapy would also help because it’ll at least get the kids to talk about their feelings instead of carrying that burden inside of thinking it was their fault. It’s pretty messed up that he didn’t consider the kids feelings.
Should the relationship end between you and he, it doesn’t mean it has to end for him and the kids. Relationships end, doesn’t mean he’s a bad person and doesn’t mean he will abandon the kids. I think I’d be honest with him, momma bear, and ask him straight up what his intentions are with the children?? Only then will you know the path to lead your kids down.
Keep moving! I’ve been here and found stagnancy to be suffocating. Healing comes from being active in all aspects.
I went threw this with my mom with her second husband. He had 3 kids from his first marriage, and my mom had me. They had my sister, so I was the oldest of 5. When my mom left because it was so bad all 3 of the step children wanted her to take them with us. She sat them down as a group and also individually and asked them what they where feeling and how they felt. She told them it wasn’t any of there faults and that she still loves them and always will and told them they could come visit anytime they wanted. We still keep in touch with my brother, well step brother pj and he knows that it wasn’t his fault or his siblings nor was it mine. Sitting them down and taking the time to ask them worked very well.
Talk to him. Tell him the children still love him and its not fair to them. He doesnt need to stay in relationship with you to see them.
Get them in counseling
1)He is an ass! 2)you are going to have to be strong for your kids! They need a strong mama not a broken mama … you can be broken when they go to bed or are not around 3)get ALL of y’all into counseling. 4) It all seems impossible right now but you can do it !! 4)You have to do this … they are relying on you to show them that they are more than worthy of being loved and that it was their step father that is the lout here. Been here done this! I did it you can too. Praying for you and your kids
Just because yall broke up doesnt mean he has to be out of their lives. My stepdad became my stepdad when I was 13 and even after he and my mom split up a few years ago, that’s still my dad. Especially if he’s been the main dad or only dad they’ve known I dont see why they cant still have a relationship with him.
You cant. Talk about why he left… and how it was all about him and nothing to do with them… sadly men come into a family and everyone accepts him. And then he decides it’s not what he wanted after all and he leaves. And leaves behind sad broken kids.
You are strong enough to get through this… if your kids need councelling to help them understand ,it was nothing they did. Do it.
We women are the ones who stay. So we have to be strong… hug you kids lots and tell them often how much you love them and that you wont be leaving them . As they might be thinking this could happen.
I’m sorry you have had to suffer like this again…
You have a strong support network here.
Stay strong .
I dont know why there is a weird stigma about therapy but honestly it is hands down the best thing you can do you for children. You want to be their peace but dont know how…this is your way of helping them find a healthy outlet and learn coping techniques and communication skills
We’re kinda the same my bf left us and come back left. But I think this time is he’s last time cause he ignored me totally I haven’t heard from him since Tuesday the fact that we have 2kids on our own and I have a daughter in my previous relationship it’s hard for her it’s hard for me. I cried but I’m used to it. All I can say is to be there for our kids even it’s hard to show that weren’t happy. The mothers love and God’s love will take away all that pain so keep your heads up. Let’s focus of what’s infront of us (Kids) cause they’re more important than a guy. Guy can come and go but are kids will stay forever
Be Brave hide your feelings. Then your children will feel more secure and not blame themselves
I was 5 when my parents divorced and I struggled loads, my mum put me into play therapy and as far as I remember it helped me a lot.
Maybe not the same thing but my son dad left unexpectedly and my son was going through what your children are going through. I started with the school counselor. It was extremely helpful, they went as far as forming a group of children with the same dilemma and twice a week they met and talked or whatever they did. It really helped. My son was very angry at himself, little over a year and he is back to his happy smiling self…
Good luck mama
Enjoy your kids spend some quality time with them they will be ok his choice his loss not there fault men are horrible
I’m happy your main concerns is your kids, get you all some counselling because this will help you all in the long term. for you and kids…
Be honest with them. Reassurance that it isn’t their fault. Let them grieve and comfort them through this time. At the end of the day just because you two aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean his relationship with the kids has to stop if he is still willing to play dad.