"So my husband doesn’t think I’m interested in him anymore because we haven’t done anything in like two weeks. But I am.
I’ve just been busy working two jobs and helping him with our three kids. He says there’s nothing I can do to change his mind, and he’ll just deal with it. What should I do?"
RELATED QUESTION: I feel like my husband and I are growing apart: Advice?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Sounds like shifting blame, and gaslighting comes next!”
“That last statement sounds like he has some toxic behavior. That’s gross.”
“He seems a bit melodramatic, but let’s not forget men have insecurities too. He may really feel as if you’re no longer interested if you’re not being affectionate with him as well. I would definitely sit down and have a talk with him. Explain to him that you’re very tired and ask him for more help around the house so that you can have more energy to have sex. Try putting yourself in his position, how would you feel if you were wanting to love on him only to be brushed off? It is discouraging and would make someone feel as if their SO wasn’t interested in them. I see a lot of women on here saying it’s gaslighting. It kind of makes me think they don’t know what gaslighting is. Gaslighting is intentionally doing something and then lying to the victim to make them question their sanity. This is not gaslighting at all. Please don’t pay mind to those stating it’s gaslighting. Men get in their feelings too.”
“It seems like his act of love is physical touch. He’s doing it kind of wrong but he’s communicating he’s not getting feelings of love from you. I mean when you’re relaxing with him but not in the mood do you cuddle? Hold hands? Take a bath together if it’s an option? What’s your act of love? Does he do that stuff? I think y’all need to sit down and learn a bit about each other.”
“Plan a date and surprise him with a night of just you guys (if possible for you) or put the kids down for bed early one night and do a date night at home. Show some extra affection. Random kisses make his favorite food. Pamper him a little bit. Sounds like he’s getting depressed and isolating himself a little. Show him you still love him and care about him.”
“Tell him you two need to set aside time for your relationship, dinner, movie on the couch. But just time for you two, maybe on Wednesdays the kids go to bed early and you two eat a special meal alone. Or get a babysitter and go out.”
“If you’re working two jobs while being a mother and doing your responsibities as a wife and partner, why would he even think that way? It’s not easy to be working two jobs & also being there for the kids & him so maybe you should discuss this with him. If he’s the one who refuses to get into a heart to heart conversation, that would mean he is being selfish.”
“You are both adults, so act like it and sit down and have an adult conversation about it.”
“I agree with most of the other comments. He seems to be shifting the blame. What has he done to help you? Anything at all? Has he even tried to get intimate? Has he even tried to just sit with you for 5 minutes and just hug? Why is it your job to initiate everything? Is the “helping” with his kids? And by helping, I mean taking care of them as he should. Are you both doing equal amounts of work at home or are you doing it all? Men don’t realize that it takes a toll to work a full-time job or two jobs, and then come home and take care of EVERYTHING. If I were you I would talk to him. Don’t give in and just give him sex because he’s whining like a baby. Show him you care, yes, but let him show you he cares as well.”
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