Hi, mammas, I need some advice! My husband of a little over a year just confessed he has a hard time feeling connected to my daughter (the previous relationship, she’s ten almost 11). It has also been just her and me for several years, and she never really had a father figure in her life. He adores her and treats her like his own, so that’s not the problem. I do 99% of things that involve her activities because of his work schedule; he does help out a ton when he is home. don’t have a stepparent and don’t really have anyone close that I would be able to go to for advice so I’m hoping any mommies that have the same situation I have might be able to help me out
Maybe when hes home have him ask her if she needs help with homework if she wants to play find out what she likes to watch her favourite foods and maybe suggest a night watching her favourite film amd eating her favourite food/sweets chocolates
I feel that’s normal. I wouldn’t be too worried about it. You could try get them to spend more one on one time together. I’m a person who doesn’t connect easily with people in general, kids adults it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them but I just don’t connect(not sure how to explain it)
My boyfriend took my daughter on a dinner and movie date just the 2 of them
They need to go have a fun day together somewhere, just the two of them. Take her somewhere that interests her, or to a movie she would like.
I wouldnt force anything. The “step” dynamic is hard enough. And your daughter just may not be able to let anyone in, like how she let’s you in. I wouldnt worry too much about, after all they have alot of time to figure it out.
In my opinion, it’s normal. It will take time for a connection and bond. Not something to rush. My stepdaughter and I still have connection issues. She’s lived with us for almost a year.
Find something they have in common and go from there.
My husband takes my oldest out to the movies or something they can both do and enjoy. My oldest is 9 &my husband came along when he was 18months.
My dad always took me fishing with him when he had the time. We’d play board games and he introduced me to classic rock. Told me all his stories about growing up and just living. He’s without a doubt one of my best friends.
Just have him include her when he has time off in whatever he’s doing.
Maybe they should spend some one on one time together. Have him take her to dinner or something to get to know her one on one.
As a guy im going thru the same thing. Her daughter is 12 and it was basically her and her mom for the past 6 years. Then I come into the picture and she feels as if i am stealing her mom from her and has an attitude with everything . I do everything possible to include her and make her happy with us but it’s a struggle for sure.
Ask him to start taking her for “date nights”. They get dressed up, go to dinner and or a movie and can talk, therefore connect.
I wouldn’t worry too much. People have a hard time connecting with their biological children they’ve been with sense birth as they get older, and I’m sure it’s harder to just jump in. There isnt going to be an instant connection. He obviously loves for her as you said he treats her like she’s his own child. Maybe try going out on more outings that they can bond with so he can get a feel for what she likes/dislikes without the pressure.
It’s hard to connect with kids that age even for natural born parents
They need to do things together like dinner and things so they can talk and bond
This has been somewhat of an issue with us. My husband and I have been married almost 5 years, my oldest is 17 now. It was just me and her for a long time. Her dad wasn’t totally in her life but he was in her life, if that makes sense lol. I have full custody, he had visitation only. So basically I raised her alone. She’s very strong and independent. She’s had a job since she was 13, makes good grades, pays for her car payment and ins and her phone. My husband didn’t have kids until he married me and now we have 2 girls. He does a lot for my daughter, always helped her with previous trucks she had when her dad wouldn’t help. He drives a tow truck and she likes going on calls with him so they’ve gotten along. He’s taken her to dinner, just the two of them. Her own dad won’t do that. But he tries too hard to be dad and she feels like she shouldn’t answer to anyone but me. Her dad has never told her what to do but at his house he has rules and she follows them. Here she wants to slack on things like chores and keeping her room clean. I don’t ask her to do much and I have let a lot slide depending on her work schedule. She gets out of school at 1:20 and would sometimes go straight to work and be there till 9:30. I’m put in the middle of everything and it starts a fight because he feels like she don’t respect him or me. Which I do get that. He signed for the car she has now because her own dad wouldn’t, he could’ve paid cash 3 times for her car but won’t help her. I know a lot of it is my fault because I raised her different. She’s always been more important to me than anything and she knows it. But at the same time my husband acts like a big ol baby and wants to start yelling at everyone when things aren’t his way and I don’t want her to think she has to put up with it. So she is staying at my dads house right now, which is good for him too because we lost my mom last June and it’s been extremely hard on all of us. And my dad has had some health problems and it’s good she’s there to keep an eye on him. Sorry this is so long lol.
I have no connection with my step daughter but its a totally different situation
Being a step mom has been a living hell for me cause her mom…i would suggest of your daughter is up for it maybe once a week her and ur husband go out just them to like for a icecream date or something.
I’m no help here, my step dad came into my life at 5, and we had a fantastic relationship.
I agree with the Daddy /Dtr.date , monthly. You too should have a day a month to do the Girl thing. Fun for all ,time will bring them closer . Good luck !
It will come in time