My husband told me he wasn't sure we could handle another child: Advice?

My husband and I have a beautiful 2-year-old son who is honestly such a well-behaved child, always happy sleeps 12 hours through the night. And when I discussed having another child with my husband, he said he doesn’t think that we can handle it, and he thinks that it’ll put too much strain on our relationship. Granted, we fight and have disagreements, but I didn’t realize he felt like he was under so much stress. I’m also not working right now, which is something that we agreed on before we had our son. He was not an accident. We planned him, so we kind of had everything figured out, I thought. Obviously, I can’t force him to have another child, and I don’t want to convince him or coerce him into doing it. When we discussed it, he kept saying that he couldn’t understand why I didn’t have any comebacks for what he was saying to me, almost asking me to negate his concerns. I didn’t have any for him, though, because those are his concerns, so I can’t tell him that he’s wrong and feeling the way he feels, but I do want another child, so I just feel really torn. I don’t know if I’m venting right now or looking for advice on people who have maybe been in similar situations. I’m just feeling a little sad and disheartened.

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He was just being honest. LIke you said you cannot change how he feels about it.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband told me he wasn't sure we could handle another child: Advice?

Wait a couple years. You don’t have to have another baby right now.

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Wait a little while. He may change his mind later.

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Your son is barley 2 , give it some time before having another .

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I would give him time, another year or so. See if he feels the same.

Sounds to me like he may have just been voicing concerns and wanting some reassurance on the matter.

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My husband was more hesitant than I was too, he eventually came around and was excited to start trying when he was ready. But we made a point to put alot of focus into our relationship before we started trying. Like we make sure to spend 1-3 hours a night together spending time together after out toddler went to bed. And we have weekly movie nights/date nights at home every Friday night, and then go out, just the two of us once a month. While our toddler spends the night with grandma (she loves it so does my mom/his mom). My husband and I are also completely different people on when we go to sleep, im always in bed by like 11p.m. and hes up until like 3a.m. so we make a point to go to bed at the same time 3 nights a week, it sounds silly, but it made a huge difference. So I think what really got him ready and excited about it. Was making sure we strengthened out relationship, and it made it better for me too. Now our relationship is the strongest its ever been. And neither one of us are stressed, and baby #2 will be here in a few short weeks!

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I would agree with all theses responses. He needs time. He is the sole supporter right now and being a dad is still new. Two years is just getting used to the idea. Plus the terrible two’s and trying threes takes patience. Children being 3 yrs apart in age gives all of you time for the next step. Enjoy where u guys r at right now. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Yes just don’t have one more kid.

Firstly, I love that you’re so respectful of his feelings, I see a lot of posts that are a bit more one sided … I only ever wanted one child, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to share the love I had for my 1st born with another and was worried about the dynamics of it all, but when my 1st born was 4 we decided between us that the time was right and it is great. There is a 5 year age gap between my boys but they are best buddies. It can be overwhelming in the early years, even if your 1st born is an angel, but give it time … :blue_heart:

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Maybe all this sure have been talked about before getting married. My daughter told her husband, before he was her husband, that she only wanted one children, where he wanted as many as they could. She stuck to her decision & told him she won’t change her mind. And he never again brought it up. They have one beautiful daughter. People need to remember all this. And this women’s husband may never change his mind & she then will have to decide just what she will do. And getting pregnant should never be one of those decisions, unless both are on board about it

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I mean, if he doesn’t think he can handle it then there isn’t much more for you to do than sit and wait to see if his opinion changes. If it never does then it is what it is. At least he is being honest and up front with you. He has to understand too, though, that if he ever reaches the point of wanting another that it may be too late for YOU to want another. Trust me when I say you hit a point where you physically do not want to go through pregnancy, birth, and post-partum again, even though biologically it may still be possible for you. So he needs to take all of that into consideration as well.

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I think its commendable that you allowed him to voice his concerns and allowed a safe place for him to do so without judgment or pressure. I would give it some time… he may just not be ready to add to his plate and now is a great time to soak in all the time you have as a little family of 3 :slightly_smiling_face:

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Talk to your partner. Ask him what is making him feel so stressed. See if he thinks this is a forever feeling or if he thinks that right now is just bad timing but is willing to bookmark this conversation for sometime down the line.

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You guys need to communicate. It’s okay to validate his concerns and disagree. Figure out why he’s feeling this way and you can have a conversation about what comes next for you guys.

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Talk to him. Have him list his major concerns as to why not…like is it money, bills, food, you not working,dat care costs, etc. Then perhaps see what his concerns are and then if its money(for example) SHOW him on paper what the added cost is., if any. Etc…maybe work from home to help bring in money and also so he doesnt feel so stressed being the sole provider. But the main thing is just give him reasonable time and space, if then he is still against it and you are…then evaluate the relationship.

I think he really wanted to negotiate. Give him options like the time frame, the pros, work in more time together, share why and how much u want this. He wants to make sure u can handle more and pick up slack when he can’t handle it. Everything is balanced right now and changing what works is scary.
Ask him for details what he says he can’t handle

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They say, raising multiple kids is easier than raising a single child.

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