My husband wants more time with his son but is scared he will get less: Advice?

My hubs and I have been together for six years. We have five kids together, my two from prev, his one from prev, and two together. My question is this. My bonus son’s mom is extremely over protective/controlling IMO. He pays her child support (not through court) every month. Yet will only let us keep him one night a week. In our state bi, the weekly weekend is the usual custody agreement. I feel like they are both losing times together, and my hubs are worried about going to court and losing time with him. I told him to speak up about it to her first, try to reach an agreement with her without being disrespectful, but making his voice heard… he feels it’s not worth the argument.

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Thats a little harsh his kid should be the main reason to speak up

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If he doesn’t wanna fight for his kid then that’s on him. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Yes he needs speak up. Both deserve more time together

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Court will ensure he gets more time

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Spending more time with his kid isn’t worth the argument?! Sounds to me like he wants to complain about wanting more time with his child but doesn’t wanna do anything about it.

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He should feel like his child is always worth an argument…if he doesn’t make the effort now, his child will question it when he gets older…

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I think, if anything, a judge will probably grant him 50/50. Most judges do. If y’all are living close, good people, responsible, etc there is absolutely no reason why a judge would rule in anything, but 50/50.

Your husband needs to man up and take her to court. Period. She doesn’t get to run the show. At this point, she could legally keep him and he wouldn’t be able to see him until he went to court. He needs to man up, take the risk. I bet the judge will grant him 50/50

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Tell him to ask for my time and if she says no take her to court

He will get more time with his child if he goes to court. He will get at the very least everyother weekend and he can ask to have him week off week on during summer if the child is not school aged they will allow week off week on all the time so 50/50. But I know for a fact he will get more time then he is right now if he does not fight in court

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The way family Court is set up I understand his fear, he should still try though. It’s worth it.

He should fight for his kid. If he reaches out, especially through documented text message asking for more time, and she demands more money or says no, he can present that to the court, and it’ll look really bad on her. She’ll have to explain it to a judge.

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In the beginning my man was like this with his ex. He was so worried about keeping the peace because she can be difficult to talk to that he pretty much just went along with whatever she said. I have been the one in his ear shedding light on how screwed up their arrangement was. He went from having my bonus daughter 2 days a week from 8-5 (no over nights) to us having her Tues-Friday. That fear of rocking the boat and making things worse can be crippling— reassure him that you are fighting this fight with him and encourage him to go to court. Easier said than done… I know. But don’t let him give up. You can’t get these precious years back

Without knowing the whole situation, no one knows what the court will grant. However, the statement “he feels it’s not worth the argument” speaks volumes.

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Kids are ALWAYS worth the argument. Talk to the mother. If she disagrees take it to court.

In my state, Ky, the “norm” isn’t every other weekend anymore. Courts and workers are doing everything to push a “50-50” custody agreement.! Depending on how far apart y’all live, this grants “equal” time for each parent. Good luck! :four_leaf_clover:

He won’t lose his time. He voluntarily pays child support (not court ordered) puts in an effort to see him and WANTS more time. A judge will give him a more fair visitation agreement if the mom won’t. He isn’t asking for anything unreasonable.

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Judge will instill at the least (to one parent) every other weekend starts from Friday-Sunday. That would be 4 overnights and 2 days =6 days a month and if school is only 4 days a week it can be 6 over nights and 2 days= 8 days a month which is still more than what he’s getting now.
The key is to get 4 overnight a week and u won’t pay child support.
But if you don’t mind paying and just want more time he should take her to court Becuz she’s scamming him. Also he shouldn’t request for the minimum (that’s the typical schedule above when parents can’t decide prior to trial) he should request more time such as 3-4 overnight every week. Especially if you both live close by there is no reason why the judge won’t agree to splitting the time more equally. Becuz both can take to school and provide equal care. When he files for custody and parenting he will write it in the docs and submit. It cost bout $300 to file in court.
Waiting around for that mother to grant more time to him is a waste of energy and emotional roller coaster. She won’t budge.

I would get a lawyer and talk to him first then talk to the mom if she says no to more time things are in process. Ask for a 2-5 situation. MT / WTH / then FSS. That way she won’t go a week with out seeing him

He needs to go to court and have child support and custody established through them. Up until now everything he has given her for child support won’t even count though.