My Husband Wants to Join the Air Force, But I Think It's Bad for Our Family: Advice?

QUESTION:

"My husband wants to join the Air Force, but I do not agree with it.

He says we’ll be set as well as our son. In reality, we won’t. I don’t want my son to go without his dad on holidays.

I won’t be able to work because I’ll have no childcare because I’m not leaving my son with a random person I do not know. I don’t know if my son will get his occupational and speech therapy because I cannot afford it out of pocket; I also do not want to uproot my son from what he knows and have to move every year or so.

It’s not beneficial for our family, and he wants to go. I know I sound selfish, but I’m thinking about my son first."

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Tricare prime is some of the best insurance out there, it would definitely cover all the therapies he could ever need. Your husband joining the military is. Probably the best thing he could do for your son.”

“’ve been in the AF for almost 10 years now, so here’s my insight. There is no guarantee for any of that. Most normal AF jobs get holidays & weekends off. Every base has its own childcare center. Military health insurance is pretty good, they would cover your son’s therapy. Depending on the job there are only certain bases you can be assigned to, most people don’t move every year, more like every 5-6 years unless you’re overseas. I’d suggest going to talk to the recruiter with your husband and asking him all these questions before straight up saying no.”

“The air force is probably the most ‘family-friendly’ military branch. Military life is not easy, but it is well worth it. Your son will be covered under his benefits. Military insurance is very good, and you won’t be paying out of pocket for that if he is enlisted. My husband is retired military, and I wouldn’t change those years for anything. We met amazing people, we grew so much as individuals and as a couple. It is something you need to sit down and weigh out your options, but don’t shut it down just because of the what-ifs.”

“While it is a decision you should make as a couple, there was a lot of ‘I don’t wants’ in that statement. Air Force is better than others at taking care of their own. Your son’s health issues would be covered. My husband has a genetic heart condition and we have paid nothing out of pocket for it.”

“My ex-husband was in the Army for over 23 years. Your son’s medical will be covered. Being a military spouse was the best years of my life. My daughter is now 24 years old. She says she loved being an Army brat. I still have so many lifelong friends I met thru our Army adventure. I still have Tricare and Army privileges after our divorce. I would say yes go into the Air Force. You will have friends for life!!”

“I refuse to date or stay with anyone who enlists. I won’t raise my family alone. It’s not selfish if you’re straight up about it.”

“He’s probably also thinking about his family. Everything you mentioned is trivial really.”

“Both my parents were career military. Both my parents were always there for me, always. I had amazing healthcare, always had everything I needed as a child. Great sense of community everywhere we lived, surrounded by other military families. I am thankful for my parents’ choice to be in the military. It afforded me so many opportunities.”

“Military wife here… He will resent you if you do not support him in this. This is a career, not a job. And one that offers so much more stability than civilians. The insurance is great, I have chronic medical issues and have never paid out of pocket. I work for UHC, and see the other side of things, and am extremely blessed to have Tricare. Your son’s therapy will be taken care of. We’ve been in our current city since 2014. I’ve never had a holiday without my husband. I’d definitely change your mindset.”

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30 Likes

Honestly, leaving your child with someone you don’t know very well can be scary. I found a 17 year old girl who is lovely and she asks for very little (we pay her extra often when we can because she is just wonderful) – my point here is, that 17 year old girl and her family and my family have gotten close. One day the person watching your kid can become not strangers. I understand your concern with him joining. Maybe ask him to join after christmas. Voice your concerns, but I think it is best to be supportive above all else.

While it is a decision you should make as a couple, there was a lot of I dont wants in that statement. Air Force is better than others at taking care of their own. Your son’s health issues would be covered. My husband has a genetic heart condition and we have paid nothing out of pocket for it.

10 Likes

Tricare prime is some of the best insurance out there, it would definitely cover all the therapy’s he could ever need. Your husband joining the military is.probably the best thing he could do for your son.

51 Likes

The air force is probably the most “family friendly” military branch. Military life is not easy, but it is well worth it. Your son will be covered under his benefits. Military insurance is very good, and you won’t be paying out of pocket for that if he is enlisted. My husband is retired military, and I wouldn’t change those years for anything. We met amazing people, we grew so much as individuals and as a couple. It is something you need to sit down and weigh out your options, but don’t shut it down just because of the what ifs.

14 Likes

How old are you? I think maybe you need to talk to people in the military.

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As a daughter of army lifer veteran(20 years) I freaking loved it growing up. I wanted that life for my kids too. Unfortunately we couldn’t make that happen, medical issues after 2 deployments but I’m still surrounded by the lifestyle. :yellow_heart:

2 Likes

I’ve been in the AF for almost 10 years now, so here’s my insight. There is no guarantee for any of that. Most normal AF jobs get holidays & weekends off. Every base has its own childcare center. Military health insurance is pretty good, they would cover your son’s therapy. Depending on the job there’s only certain bases you can be assigned to, most people don’t move every year, more like every 5-6 years unless you’re overseas. I’d suggest going to talk to the recruiter with your husband and asking him all these questions before straight up saying no.

36 Likes

Hey i was married to guy in military. It was a wonderful experience! Base child care is excellent! Very close knit group, home and family above all else. My husband was only sent TDY once in seven years. And we only moved once. Kids had great medical coverage to. Base housing is pretty sweet. Look into it, not as bad as you think!!!And your hubs could get retirement which is almost unheard of these days!

5 Likes

Tbh I’d really look more into it… We’ve been a Navy family for 7 years… in that 7 years my husbands deployed one time and in that time only missing one thanksgiving and one Christmas. Tricare (the military healthcare) is AMAZING we’ve never paid for a single thing and our first born had to go through speech therapy which was covered (we haven’t had anything not be covered) as for “moving every year” it’s not it’s every 3 years and up. Would I prefer our kids grow up where we did? Absolutely BUT not if it means we’d be struggling and we definitely would have been if it weren’t for the military. Health cares paid for, housings paid for, even groceries are paid for! I’d definitely say he should hear you out on your concerns but you should also look into it a lot more because it’s not anything that you said it is…

2 Likes

The health insurance ans federal benefits are pretty good. There are a ton of benefits for you and your son. You really need to do research and make an informed choice. I have worked with the AF and they are amazing. This sounds more like you are thinking about yourself than your son. Kids are resilient.

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Also our cost for first child $13 second was $32! Beat that if you can!!!

I’d def look into what he wants to be and search around, some caterers hardly ever get deployed. My hubs was in the air force for 6 yrs and went on 1 VOLUNTARY deployment. He never missed out on anything of our daughters. I’m sure others are different, but worth looking into. We also never moved. He was stationed at 1 base for 6 years. I can honestly say I don’t know people who move every year. And the military health insurance is some of the best you can get!

1 Like

If your husband’s heart is truly to be a service member by holding him back from it he will have so many regrets

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My husband joined the airforce when my daughter was 8 months old and it has been such an amazing blessing! Bases have CDC (child development center) and at home providers if you’d like smaller classes for child care and tricare USUALLY covers therapies especially for kids, you just need a simple referral! :blush:
Depending on his job, you may not move a lot. My husband is a maintainer on a specific jet and its only at 2 bases around the world so we’re Kinda stuck at one base for a while :joy: he’s also been in just over 2 years and has deployed once. I gotta say, the benefits (for us at least) have been amazing! We love the air force and he plans on staying in 20+ years :blush:

If it’s a dream of his let him. My ex husband was AF. Husband now Army retired. I wouldnt have traded it for anything. I loved the life and opportunities and the people and places.

Ur son will b fine, its u who doesnt want him too

10 Likes

As a navy brat, army vet, and wife to an airman, I can say the military life is not for the faint of heart.

My husband and I have three kids with one more due any day now and he has been in the military ten years. While we have struggled over the years with both of us being in the military (two separate branches) we have had great experiences with medical and dental insurance and have zero issues when seeking medical care.

We have dealt with deployments, separations, TDYs, and all sorts of ups and downs, but it has all been worth it. You guys have to talk things out and see the pros and cons of having to adjust to and live the military life.

You will have to uproot yourselves every few years if the military deems it necessary, but there is a lot of positive that honestly comes with being a part of the military. New experiences, travel, and along the way, you also learn a lot about yourselves and how much stronger you are when put in tough situations.

Honestly, we wouldnt trade it for the world.

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You would be missing out on a world of opportunities and a life of experiences because you are afraid the military has excellent hospitals don’t be afraid of what if

Tricare is the best insurance you’ll get for your son. We never paid anything out of pocket. You’ll also get all your prescriptions there at the hospital before you leave. You’ll have a home, live on post which is safe, all the stores will be right there conveniently for you to shop at. They even have schools and daycares on post and will help you with the cost if you qualify. I know this because I grew up military. You probably won’t even have to work and can care for your son since it’s just the 3 of you. We were a family of 5 and never had to worry about anything financially. Emotionally it can be hard on a couple because you’ll have to deal with a long distance relationship but if you guys are willing to work together and have trust in your relationship, you have nothing to worry about. I personally don’t think you should stop him from pursuing his dreams. He may recent you for it later.

2 Likes