Hi…can you post my question? My husband wants to join the Army but I am against it. We have only been married for 6 months but I know that this is a life that I do not want and know that he only wants to join because his brother just did. What would you do?
Be proud that he wants to serve
My dad was in air force before they had me and stayed in for a couple years after they had me. I think its a wonderful thing and i support anyone who decides to join any branch. If someone wants to do it, dont hold them back. And if you dont think you can handle it, because its definitely not easy. Then go separate ways
If he joins, you can #xyz. Pick anything. Your life after marriage is a team decision … he didn’t choose this before marriage, you should both be in agreement. It forever changes your life too.
Support his decision… always let your partner shoot for their goals… it’s unhealthy not to and causes resentment… partners aren’t supposed to hold you back, they’re supposed to cheer you on
I joined the military. Its a very rewording life! Also in 25 years he has a life time pension!
You should be supportive of his dreams and passions. Just as you would expect him to be supportive of yours. If you can’t support him, quite frankly, that’s not love and you need to end it.
As much as you don’t want him to - if he stays because YOU don’t want him to may cause problems further on in your marriage. I say let him join
Support him 100%. Marriage is about supporting each other’s dreams and goals. Talk with other wives who husbands serve in the Army.
I spent the first 4 years of my marriage as an army wife. It has a lot of great perks. I met my best friend through it, the bonds you make are like no other. Health care is free, and you can buy at the px on post tax free. ON THE OTHER HAND… depending on the job that he does he could be gone… like all the time. my husband was infantry. Between training, CQ, and deployments I saw him maybe 40 percent of the time, If that. If you have kids you will expect to raise them by yourself for at least 9 months at a time every 2- 3 years or so. I absolutely refused to have kids while he was in for that reason.The decision HAS to be one that you both make. My husband had already signed his papers before we met.
Talk to him about why he wants to join. Benefits? Needs a job and he knows it’s a guaranteed income? I would support his decision because ultimately it is his decision. It’s understandable to not want that life because it is hard on spouses and family. Explain your side to him as well.
My daughter is retiring from the Navy this year, after 26 years. It has been good to her.
Are you certain that that’s his sole purpose for wanting to join, or is that what you’re telling yourself because it’s something that you don’t want? I’m not saying you’re wrong by any means, but we tend to shift blame and point fingers when we are upset. This is a huge decision for the two of you. You’re going to get opinions in favor of him and some that rule in your favor, but those opinions can’t make the decision for either of you. Sit down together as a couple and weigh out the pros and cons. Military life is different for everyone, and unfortunately because of that it’s best not to rely on input from others.
I would say since you two married before he wanted to join and it is going to effect your life too it’s both of your decisions. Unfortunately he will resent you if he doesn’t join and then your marriage is dammed so sounds like either way it is bc u won’t be happy and if he doesn’t then he won’t be. So… you may find yourself getting a divorce if you both don’t agree and neither of you want to budge.
Ive wished my husband would join up for a few years. I know it would make him stronger mentally, and he refuses. Sit down and talk to him. It isn’t permanent, nothing is. If he wants to do it figure out how to support him.
I was a military brat. It sucked because they constantly stationed my dad all over the place. My mom finally had it and when he had the opportunity to leave she told him it’s us or them. it takes its toll on the family. If he wanted that life he should have mentioned it before you got married because, tbh, itd be a deal breaker for me. I don’t want that life again.
Would he do the same for you?
If you wanted to start a career that would take you away from him, your kids, your life for months to a year would he also support you? Worth thinking about.
Military spouses sacrifice a lot too so your opinion matters just as much. Not being 100% supportive doesn’t mean you don’t love him, but it’s a HUGE, life altering career choice. Your opinion matters too.
Weigh the pros and cons.
Did u know he wanted to join before u got married
I guess I am the opposite of everyone else here but, HE SHOULD HAVE talked to you about this BEFORE marriage. It’s a lot different than, "Hey I want to go to college or another goal. Yes, sit down and talk about it but also this is going to change YOUR life a lot.
Talk to him about it, and how you feel. This is a huge life decision and will affect both of you for a few years at the least. Are you prepared to make the sacrifices that will need to be made in order to support him? Are you prepared for what could happen? Injury, death, PTSD, etc.? This is not a decision to be made on a whim, or without taking your partner’s feelings into account.
And no, I’m not anti military… I come from a military family, and live in a military town. I’ve just seen the harsh realities.