My husband wants to join the Army but I do not want himt too: Advice?

I mean if you didn’t sign up for it and you don’t wanna live that way your feelings are valid. He will be gone alot and military life is hard and unpredictable.

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Support him. That’s a big move for him and your family. Theres positive and negative about him joining but look at it as if you decided to start your career and he didnt support it. You would be upset and probably do it anyways.

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I would talk to him about WHY he’s wanting to join. Active duty military has a lot of perks, but it is a huge commitment and life changing decision.
If he’s wanting to do it for more of the military aspect of it itself, perhaps he look into the Army reserves, or National Guard for your state. Both still have a ton of benefits, just without having to completely uproot your entire life.

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I think you have to step back and ask what type of army. Will he be deployed? Will he stay stateside and still be home?
It’s a huge decision and it can’t be made over night. It also can’t be “I want to/I don’t want you to”. You guys will have to discuss this in great length. Discuss the possible horrid outcomes. Discuss the positive sides too. Good luck

Nope I’m sorry, I made it clear in the beginning of dating that i didn’t want to be a military wife when he mentioned boot camp. I also made it clear that I will not willing to leave my family, I only have a fue left.
Life changing choices like serving should be discussed before ever getting seriously involved.
You don’t have to just automatically accept life changing choices by your partner.

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Ya no I wouldn’t be supportive and tbh I wouldn’t be with him :woman_shrugging:

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I’d set a 12 month timeframe and if he still wants to do it then have a serious discussion with the aim of him enlisting in the 12 months after that. 12 months to 24 months wait is not long if it’s definitely what he wants. Military life is all consuming for not just the enlisted, but their partner and children. It’s too big of a decision to do on a whim.

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It’s definitely a decision that you both have to make. Just like any job he would take. It will change your life as well.

That shouldn’t be spontaneous but you all’s support him

You can talk about it but in the end its his decision but I’d be terrified. I’ve had this convo and was against it. He didnt act on it but still scares me.

Flock all this “support his decision” nonsense!
I joined at 17 and I got engaged the night I swore in. My husband absolutely knew what we were in for and it was still hard on us!! We got stationed in the city we lived in when I had 2 of my 3 miscarriages and then a miracle baby and if I hadn’t had my family…
No one here knows your situation. If you’re struggling to put food on the table and he is uneducated and untrained then yes. Join and learn a skill.
But if you are established as a family and surrounded by your own support system them he can join the National Guard. This won’t end your trajectory and remove your support system.
How would you handle him making 30k a year, you have 2 young kids, and you get stationed in New York like my niece and her husband? Oh. Her husband deploys 9 months every 2 years minimum. He works on helicopters so he’s always gone for a training if he’s CONUS.
Also, there are no jobs near Fort Drum. Nothing part time that would work with childcare. Nothing on base. Just a base in the middle of no where that caters to the locals.
This decision can’t be made alone and isn’t one to be taken lightly.

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My first husband joined the army and I didn’t want him to. I wanted to finish college and not have to move. He left for basic training and in the first week he called crying to come home! Army wouldn’t let him out! :rofl:

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As a veteran I would recommend if he can join the navy or air force or marines as a last choice.

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Sorry, but I would not recommend it. For him or for you. My family is a military family and I have many friends also enlisted, so I knew what the life was. When Married my husband I knew what to expect, but it was insane. Totally different as a spouse than as a grandchild, child, niece, nephew, cousin, etc. also not every MOS ((job in the army)) is the same, so while his brother could have some Cush gig and have it be fun and games, your husband might not end up in the same MOS. My husband was literally ALWAYS gone either training, at schools or deployed. Literally he would be home for a few days to a week and then be gone again for god only knows how long at a time. Also, with my husband, nothing was certain. Not even minutes before. Like our whole lives had to revolve around his job basically. I wasn’t able to accomplish my own life goals, I had to change jobs a lot, also you know moving every few years is a thing. It happens. Like everything can be up in the air at all times. After being with my husband thru all that, I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone. I was so beyond excited when my husband got our after so many years (he was in from beginning of 2012 until almost end of 2019). Also, the aftermath, the mental toll it takes on your spouse… and yourself… not worth it. Your spouse will likely change a lot. I know mine did and he definitely isn’t the person that I married or dated.

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Support him or divorce him.

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Do what’s best for both of you! It’s a marriage, you are a team. This is both of your lives. Don’t listen to these people saying your wrong for feeling this way.

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All the support his decision comments come off as a little harsh. Yes we are supposed to support and build with one another but this decision in one that effects your life too. Discuss your feelings more with him. You don’t want to end up resenting one another.

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If its something he’s always considered then you should of thought about before marriage but if its something that seems impulsive eg the brother joining then it needs a deeper discussion because that’s what marriage is you don’t just get to change everything on a whim and expect the other to agree nothing about the army life is easy and you’d have to be prepared for that or to move on

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Support or divorce. If you plan to support, go in understanding that you are agreeing to uproot your life every few years, be the primary caretaker for children, and likely give up your own career. Military families sacrifice a lot. National Guard or Reserves aren’t the answer. Deployment rates are high and many Reserves get called to Active service. If your spouse joins either, be prepared for a similar life. My whole life has been affiliated with the military. Dad was enlisted 30 years and I now work for the military as a civilian. Perhaps your spouse would consider civil service. He could work alongside servicemembers but in a noncombat, nondeployable role. If he ever wanted to deploy he could volunteer up to a year at a time. NATO offers deployments (very prestigious) and each service component does too. Prior to deployment he would get a full medical workup, weapons training, uniforms, etc., just like a soldier. Salary during deployments is nontaxable and he is guaranteed his old job once the deployment is done. This would balance his desire to join the military with your need for stability. Civil service also has retirement benefits.

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My husband was already in the Navy when we got married. It would have been great if he wasn’t, but this was his choice and I accepted that and we are making it work. I’m actually thankful for this lifestyle for a lot of reasons! It’s not your choice and if you love him, you have to support him. It’s not easy being a military spouses sometimes but it’s doable. Imagine if you really wanted to do something and he told you no because it was not a life he wanted. You’d probably be pretty upset.

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