My husband wants to pick up and move for a job and I do not: Advice?

My husband and I have been married for nearly four years but together for 15 years. We have been through a great deal together military service with deployment, etc. He is extremely unhappy in his current job. He finally figured out what he wants to with his life and career. It is across the country, in one particular state. For years I begged and pleaded with him to take a leap of faith and move. He did not listen to me. Now I am no longer ready to pack up my life and leave my family and friends(that he has kept me somewhat separated from). I am now the villain in all of this because I am no longer willing to be the team player that gives up everything. Respect and appreciation are not things that I normally experienced throughout my life, and I have a hard time leaving somewhere that I have finally found it. I am heartbroken that it has seemingly come to this. It is not that I don’t love him, but it feels so toxic and ill-timed. What has been the experience of others?

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I dont see where the toxic comes in? Is there more to the relationship?

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Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you. And so does he. If you don’t want to go, then don’t. Let him follow his career dreams. Maybe some time apart will show you how you really feel. If you miss him enough you might consider moving. If not you’ll be happy with your decision to stay. You both deserve to be happy

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Listen to your heart and intuition.

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Dont move if the relationship is toxic

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I would attempt to make the move…under conditions. I’d tell him after 1 year if you are not happy, u want to move back. Compromise. Sacrifice. Meet in the middle.

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I understand where u are coming from as u said ur opinion should be listened to maybe he should of went when u was ready try to talk it out give ur reasons why u want to stay and how it is your home now listen if u are finally at home my friend stay there I have been married 18 yrs separated 4 of it and got with another man being with him 3 yrs it took me the whole 3 yrs to call this home but it is and iwasnt happy with past living arrangements he wouldnt change so we are divorcing but now this man listens to me I explain everything and we figure out a solution maybe its worth a shot but my dear is u are home stay home god bless you.

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He will have to go without you dont do something your not happy with just to please someone x

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My husband travelled 6 months out of the year for 5 years. I finally had enough after that. But I would never hold him back from his dreams. After he stopped traveling he worked and I stayed at home to be in nursing school fulltime to follow my dreams. Relationships are 50/50 support your partner. If things do not work out in the move or career, I bet he will always remember you supported him. Good luck, you know what is best for your family so dont be so hard in yourself if you just cant do it.

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The best advice I can give you is to pray about it. It is all in God’s timing not ours. He will lead you to the best decision. I say this after having moving from my family to another country and being in one country while my husband lived in another. We put it in God’s hands and he did not fail us.

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If your husband is in the military you should never expect any place to be permanent until he retires from the military. PCS orders could come down at anytime. That is part of being attached to the military.

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Ever heard of the saying beggars can’t be choosers? He wasn’t ready then when you were begging him to be and now that he’s ready to you’re not

There is a lot of unanswers here - is he the primary bread winner - has he always kept his word and done a good job at being a husband and care provider? The reasons I ask these questions is because we are to follow our husbands and this maybe God’s calling not only his and this maybe the time that God has chosen for your husband to finally take that leap of faith - at least he has involved you in it and wants what seems to be best for his family but when you bring in the toxic term it does make me wonder if you are “in love” still with your husband and want what is best for the family. These are not criticisms just wondering on my behalf. I wish you all the luck in the world with whatever decision you make whether to stay or go and God Bless to all concerned.

So when you asked him to do it that was fine but now that he’s asking you, he’s toxic😂 wtf

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Pull a Melania and refuse to move until he negotiate a better prenup

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If you don’t want to go then don’t, but if he’s found something that he will be happy doing then you shouldn’t try to hold him back either

After 8 yrs of marriage my husband quit his job and applied for job 1000 miles away. Without talking with me about it. I cried for 2 weeks. I did not want to move and loved my home and church friends. I counseled with my pastors wife and reluctantly decided to go with him. It put me within 50 miles of my parents. I thank God everytime I think about this. We were only there 7 mo. I was able to spend 1 day a week with my parents before they dief. And he was laid off. We moved back where I wanted to be. We used money from sale of our home, opened a business ( very successful). I was advised to go with him on the move. I did not have bibical reason not to. And in Acts 17:26 -28. My father as a result of my life and the way God changed me. Had a desire to study bible and gave his life to Christ. I say Go!!!

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It seems that you are caring more about family and friends. One question, will your family and friends be willing to take care of you? When you got married it was for better or worse. You have asked him to step out on faith many times and now that he has you has given up on him. You state that you have never been respected and appreciated throughout your life. Does that mean your husband has never done this? If so by all mean stay put. But you can always stay back and let some other woman take what you have invested 19 years in. I am a military wife. Wherever my husband goes, I go. We have been married for 40 years. Family and friends can always come where you are. I’m not trying to be mean or nasty just giving you somethings to think about.

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I too am married to a veteran. We have moved a number of times. I am at a place right now that I love my job. He wants to move again for an actual career. We compromised, I asked him for another year here then we can head wherever he wants to go. I want him happy, as the saying goes if momma ain’t happy no ones happy well I believe it goes for daddy too. I want him happy as he wants me. Talk with your husband, maybe there can be a compromise, he can move first to get everything set up first, you go together, or just rethink the whole thing and maybe it’s not going to be good at the end. Communication, understanding, and compromise. Good luck to you.

I’m in agreement with some of the others. Go. You were ok with it once, it will be ok now. If it doesn’t work out, you have friends & family to go back to. You never know. Could be the best decision you ever make. Fyi - we just moved. :wink: