My Husband Won't Give Me Access to His Bank Account Because His Mom Tells Him Not To: Advice?

QUESTION:

"Needing advice on how to handle this situation with my mother-in-law. My husband has ALWAYS been a mama’s boy. I have known him for five years, and we have been married for one.

I am a SAHM, and he is the one who has a job. He will NOT give me access to the bank account. His mother says he shouldn’t trust me and should give me an ‘allowance.’

I am honestly at my wit’s end. I have to ask him to even go to the store and buy milk because he doesn’t give me his debit card. We also only have one car, so I am stuck at home all day going without things because I can’t even walk to the store to buy anything.

I have tried talking to him, but ultimately, his mother always wins. What can I even do besides leave?"

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Leave. That’s financial abuse.”

“I’m sorry but you need to move on.”

“If you are married, he should trust you with the bank account. You shouldn’t have to ask for money. If he can’t trust you with that you shouldn’t be with him.”

“Counseling could help. You could also get a job and tell him it’s up to him to pay for and arrange childcare or else he can treat you fairly. How much would it cost him to pay someone to stay at home and do all that you so? Private chef, housekeeper, nanny, etc.”

“That’s controlling behaviour. Huge red flags!”

“Oh boy. That’s a problem! I would have a talk with him. His mother should not have any involvement in your family’s finances… This is something you guys will need to work out. I was once in a situation like that and I told myself never again. I have always had my own job and my own money. I never wanted to be in a situation where I had nothing in my name and no money of my own. It’s a tough situation to be in.”

“I think you answered your own question. If he is unwilling to keep your marriage between the two of you, he’s not the one for you. You’re always going to have problems with his mother because he allows her to have a bigger role in his life than she should. He is a grown, married man with a small child. Us mothers are supposed to raise our kids and let them go when they’re ready. Why is she even dictating what goes on in your home or even y’all’s account(s)?”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

1 Like

Leave. That’s financial abuse.

1 Like

Uhm. No girl. Either y’all get a joint account, you get a job, or get out. That’s disgusting of him.

I’m sorry but you need to move on

6 Likes

Besides leave? Continue living your miserable life…

11 Likes

Get a job, get some money saved and run.

15 Likes

Give him back to his mama. You should be his priority you’re fighting a battle you shouldn’t have to and cant win.

24 Likes

That’s abuse. Leave.

5 Likes

If you are married he should trust you with the bank account. You shouldn’t have to ask for money. If he can’t trust you with that you shouldn’t be with him.

9 Likes

Major red flags take it child and leave as fast as I can

3 Likes

Get a job, to where you can get your own car or funds. Or just leave honestly.

13 Likes

Counseling could help. You could also get a job and tell him it’s up to him to pay for and arrange childcare or else he can treat you fairly. How much would it cost him to pay someone to stay at home and do all that you so? Private chef, housekeeper, nanny, etc etc.

6 Likes

I’d just get a job. Save your money and run. To hell with that. With a mother in law like that, I wouldn’t have married him.

7 Likes

You’ve already acknowledged leaving is the best option. Why are you looking for reasons to stay? You’re being controlled by this man. Get out while you can. You’ve only been married for a year.

10 Likes

Seriously leave, it’s only going to get worse. Saw it with my MIL and refuse to see anyone else go through it

4 Likes

Give him an ultimatum you either start letting me have access or I’m leaving

3 Likes

Leave. That’s a form of control. It’s manipulative and abusive.

5 Likes

Stop telling her to leave. She asked what else can she do!

4 Likes

That’s controlling behaviour. Huge red flags!

6 Likes

Oh boy. That’s a problem! I would have a talk with him. His mother should not have any involvement in your families finances… This is something you guys will need to work out. I was once in a situation like that and I told myself never again. I have always had my own job and my own money. I never wanted to be in a situation where i had nothing in my name and no money of my own. It’s a tough situation to be in :confused:

4 Likes