My Husband Works So Much I Feel Like a Single Mother: Advice?

QUESTION:

"My husband takes on so many side jobs and projects to help others that he is never home. He’s gone from 8 am- 9:30 pm almost every night.

I’ve asked him many times not to keep himself as busy as he has been, but he doesn’t listen. He just calls me selfish and says he doesn’t have time to listen to me. Then cuts me off.

Says he’s doing it regardless of how I feel. Never listening to my feelings. Is all this money he’s making really worth the big old ax he is putting on our marriage? Why are these jobs so much more important to him than us? Does he maybe not love me?"

RELATED QUESTION: My Husband Expects Me to Be Home with Baby 24/7 While He Works and Has a Social Life: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“First, it sounds like he has NO respect for you. Second, I would be questioning if he was really working the whole time BECAUSE of that disrespect. Third, if he won’t listen to you and at least hear you out, maybe it is time to move on. Sorry, but in a healthy marriage, being that heavily disrespected and silenced isn’t healthy. I hope you and your husband work things out, but if you can’t, take care of yourself and your children.”

“I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husband is a workaholic. My husband would be gone for months at a time making a name for himself in his career. I was ALWAYS alone. No friends or family close. I was a single mom my husband just sent money. For the longest time, i resented him and was mad thought about divorce. For years I felt that way. Then one day I sat down and had a serious talk with MYSELF. Did I love him? Yes. Does he support me and my kids? Yes. Do I want to work? No. You have to decide if you can live this way forever because chances are things won’t change. I started living my own life basically, going on vacations, hanging with friends, visiting family as often as I could volunteering places. I have my own routine my own life and enjoy the time we spend when we have it. When my kids got older I worked when I wanted so I had an adult life. I always felt guilty about going out like I shouldn’t because I didn’t want my kids to be with a sitter or I shouldn’t without him. FUC* THAT NOISE!! Live your life like he’s living his. Pm me if you ever need anyone to talk to. My door is always open to ANYONE!! Good Luck!”

“And honey, taking care of kids while someone else provides for them is far from single parenthood. Trust me.”

“Sometimes you have to count your blessings. You will either build with a busy man or babysit a broke man.”

“Take a real good look! I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I recognized this kind of story. There could be someone else he paying special attention to.”

" He could be working because y’all need it. He could be taking on the extra work because he’s stressed about having a new child. He could be doing it because he’s depressed and that is his safe space instead of being home. Or he actually could just be selfish and not want to be around y’all."

“Working I see no issue with but the name-calling and not willing to compromise I see a huge issue with. As a married couple, you should be able to speak about things, compromise on things, and communicate without disregarding one’s feelings and emotions. Explain all you ask for is time so plan 2 days a month for date night or even an afternoon lunch. If he can’t give you that then hell I would replace and find someone who can.”

“While it is nice he works hard to provide he also needs to remember he has a family that needs him as more than a paycheck. Set up a special dinner once a week with a show you both like. He still needs to make time for you and to not be rude when you ask for his emotional support.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

37 Likes

I feel like that everyday. Even though hes here I do everything and I mean everything.

2 Likes

JA Do yall( your family) need the extra income)???, JS

1 Like

Do you work? Is what he does necessary to facilitate your living situation?

are you sure hes actually working the whole time?

20 Likes

He is being selfish by neglecting his wife and dismissing your feelings. You deserve someone who not only listens but cares what you have to say. If he doesn’t see that it’s straining your relationship and it’s hurting you, then he honestly doesn’t care. That is a longggg day for him to be at work. You need love and attention or eventually you will get tired of it and leave. Talk to your husband or at least try too. If he doesn’t see an issue or doesn’t want to make any changes then maybe you should leave.

12 Likes

He probably needs the money to support the house,you, and baby

4 Likes

Some men feel like the only way the can contribute is by putting bacon on the table. Cut him some slack. He’s probably trying to provide you with a life his family was never able to accomplish. Do you guys need the extra income? Or does he just like to keep busy? Are you seeing the rewards money wise with how much work he’s putting in, or are you not seeing the income to work ratio? There’s so many variables, no one can answer without knowing him personally.

15 Likes

In a time like this, He is working. Be great full. It’s a blessing. He is taking care of his family. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or doesn’t care. Tell him how you feel without yelling or arguing try to be calm. Make dinner have a night just for you guys

4 Likes

He could be working because y’all need it. He could be taking on the extra work because he’s stressed about having a new child. He could be doing it because he’s depressed and that is his safe space instead of being home.

Or he actually could just be selfish and not want to be around y’all.

8 Likes

Im not sure if this applies but i am a workaholic. It started when my mom died i worked sooo much to avoid the grief. Then i realized i was doing that and i started slowing down then my dad died and cranked back up . So maybe he works to avoid feeling something just an idea.

2 Likes

Take a real good look! I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I recognized this kind of story. There could be someone else he paying special attention to.

9 Likes

Do you need the extra income? If you don’t, that’s absolutely not okay for him to do. If you do, just remember he’s doing what he can to support.
Sounds sus.

4 Likes

Maybe hes just worried about financial stability? Retirement? Sudden health issues and you need money to fall on? My husband used to be a lineman working on power poles and he was gone 5am till about 11pm at night, come home, barley have time to even eat, shower, or sleep and then he was back at it the next day so i know how it feels to not have him home…

I feel this my husband works from 2pm -about 930pm but he leaves aroun 11 pr 12 pm and most nights hes not ever back from work however my situation is different im a sahm and hes he’s supporting me and his child while i homeschool her its it’s not alot of money comming in but he works his ass off to make sure we are ok yes it strains our marriage and more often then not im lonely and when we ate are around each other we argue A LOT but i I still love him and i know hes he’s only doing this because he cares

If the pay matches the hours you ain’t got nothing to worry about. But what about days off?

First, it sounds like he has NO respect for you.
Second, I would be questioning if he was really working the whole time BECAUSE of that disrespect.
Third, if he won’t listen to you and at least hear you out, maybe it is time to move on. Sorry, but in a healthy marriage, being that heavily disrespected and silenced isn’t healthy. I hope you and your husband work things out, but if you can’t, take care of yourself and your children.

21 Likes

Make sure their isn’t something going on. Really odd that somebody would work like that. Don’t be fooled. Give him an ultimatum.

6 Likes

Sounds like he wants to provide for his family. Is money tight?? When he comes home he probably wants to eat bath and sleep. Does he have one day off?? Of so suggest a day out have a picnic then discuss him cutting back some.

1 Like

You sure he’s “working”? I’ve seen this story before.

4 Likes