My husbands ex isn't being honest with us about their daughter: Advice?

Need some advice. How are we supposed to deal with a baby mama that doesn’t inform the father of ANYTHING & makes up any little excuse to make it seem like we’re the problem ? We are very civil & respectful & we let her know everything that goes on when we have our 3 yr old. For ex: she’s been peeing herself A LOT lately & she’s fully potty trained (this has never happened before) we discuss it with BM & she makes an excuse. We just got her pull-ups for night time. She said, “oh, I have some of these at mommy’s house too.” Another ex: she choked her mother, she mentioned it to us & we have no idea where that came from because she has never done it to any of herself or us (somehow it’s still our fault). Every time we mention something she does over here, she says it hasn’t happened with her, but the baby girl tells us otherwise & we know better as well. BM swears she takes dad’s opinion very seriously when it comes to our 3 yr old & she doesn’t at all! We haven’t done anything different, nor has there been any random people coming in & out of her life. We also give her lots of love & affection when we have her. I’m not trying to be a jerk, but it’s very obvious she only had that baby to try to trap him & get child support (supposedly she was told she couldn’t have babies). She’ll even harass him until he makes the payment smh. I’m honestly very annoyed at this point & upset for my hubby because that’s his baby, he has every right to know what goes on with his child & he deserves just as much respect as the mother does, but he doesn’t get even half of that, it’s not ok. We’ve been together 4 yrs now. I’d appreciate some POSITIVE advice & no negativity. Thank you. I’d also like to add that whenever hubby meets up to get a baby girl, there’s almost always a new guy with them & she says, “this is mommy’s new friend.” I’ve asked some more experienced moms & they say what’s going on with baby girl could be some kind of trauma & acting out due to all the changes & whatnot. I just want to know what more I can do to help if there’s even anything


First other moms are going to chew you out for saying our daughter. Just FYI. I get it but some moms just don’t understand if you have never been the step mom.

The only other thing you can do is take it to court. That way it’s in writing about what she has to disclose. Some custody agreements even have who can and can’t be around the minor child.

If she is regressing, meaning wetting herself after being trained I would def seek a therapist. Regression is one of the first signs of child abuse at that age.


I didnt read the second half but idk maybe theres stuff going on or over reading it… I know my daughters go over to their dads and will say this and that and Its not true. Or she will say this or that for his house and that’s not true. And they arent used to being there like being with me so I know my oldest had some issues with bathroom there but doesn’t here like that. And I know I’ve harassed my bd for a payment… not so much anymore but yeah cause he never wanted to pay and I had to do everything financially and physically myself for 2 kids… not saying it’s like this for you guys. But without both stories idk cause I’m sure I look “bad” to my ex’s gf too.

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I am so sorry mama. Get her into play therapy. She is just acting out.

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Look, this is a issue for the two parents. You want to take little jabs at her even in this post and I promise you a 3 year old child is smart enough to play both sides against the middle. Maybe you as the step mom need to change your attitude, the parents need to sit down and talk before taking the next step of a family therapist.


I’m confused, so she’s 3, but you’ve been together 4 years? Did he cheat? And if the mom always has a new guy, there is def new people always coming in and out of her life. Could be the cause of the negative behavior.


Document everything and go to court for physical custody.

And another thing I can add is she probably feels bitter asf about YOU. Bc you been together 4 years but the daughter is 3… clearly you hooked up with him right when she got knocked up. She didnt even have a chance to be a family with the dad. I would hate you too.


The peeing is normal since she being g bounced back and forth

you have 15 more years of it. Its not uncommon for a 3 yr old ( or older) to wet at night. Mine were all potty trained by 2 1/2 but 3 of them still wore pull ups over their undies well through year 3. We called them bed pants. There is nothing you can do about Moms friends. Sorry you will never be able to control her activities. Keep on providing her a stable loving home at her dads house as long as shes fed and there is no abuse there isnt much you can do. Do you have 50/50 custody ?

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Can I just say that it’s totally insane and insulting for you to say that she got pregnant to trap him “for child support”?? Not that women don’t get pregnant on purpose when the man may not be looking for that, but I would venture to say it’s very unlikely that she got pregnant in hopes of being a single parent just because she wanted child support. I think you’re bitter, I think she’s probably bitter, and y’all need to grow up and learn to coparent.


If she’s suddenly peeing herself and mom has new friends all the time I’d suggest getting her checked for sexual abuse. May not be the case but better safe than sorry


Of all the things that happened, this happened the least. :v:


The peeing in her pants could be an indication of fear. I would notify the courts of this and the random guys the “mother” has around. I would get this little girl in therapy ASAP. There are children psychologist that do work with children that young, a lot of times they do it through artwork. I’ve seen it done and it’s amazing what they can figure out by using this method! I would also fight to not let her back there, until all this has been resolved. She’s so little and you and dad must be her voice. Best of luck, mommy!


Omg some of these comments are horrible. 1st thank you for being a good and loving step parent. Not all mom resent and hate the step mom. I LOVE my daughters step mom. 2nd I would definitely look into therapy. If she goes to daycare or preschool have him talk to her teachers. & see if they’ve noticed any behavior that you have. 3rd some kids do act out more for one parent and not the other. She could just want more of daddy’s attention bc mom isnt showing it as much as she wants. He could also contact her doctor and ask them for advice.


Kinda sounds like his side piece got pregnant and maybe youre a little mad at her for it…


Idk why youd ruin a relationship. If you were together 4 years and they have a 3 yr old they never even had a chance to try and be a famoly.6


Sometimes children regress when it comes to potty training for no good reason. My daughter did because once she got comfortable, she started waiting until the very last second. Kids at that age are smarter than you think, and will play parents against each other. I’m not saying there’s not something else going on, but it doesn’t mean it’s something either. I’m not sure how his daughter is three and you’ve been together for four years? If there was cheating involved, she could just be bitter and not want to deal with you. She may not like that you refer to her as “our” daughter either. It seems as though you are trying to be this girl’s mom, but she already has a mom. I would take a step back and let your husband and her communicate on their own. I have two step kids and my husband is a step dad to my daughter. We have two moms and a dad that we deal with. It’s not always easy, but putting differences aside is essential. We have always made it clear that we are their step parents and not their parent. I think that’s important.


I would stay out of it and let them deal with there daughter


Write everything down!
Take photo’s ( if she’s wet her self take photos of everything and write everything down,
What she says and try and get it on video if you can
And go for custody!