My husbands ex makes it hard for me to feel part of his family: Advice?

My husband and I both had children before meeting each other. His ex and him have never been on good terms since splitting up. I left it alone and have just been nice and supportive of the situation. I’m nice to her. I do things for my step child and frequently take my step child while they’re both working, help with school work etc. really I just try to be understanding of the position he’s in because I know he feels backed into a corner because of the events that have taken place. Said ex is still friends with his family, goes to see them without his knowledge, Makes plans they try not to include me, my spouse, or other children in. Yet after all this time, his family really doesn’t speak to me much. I’m nice to them also. Try to get to know them and be close with them and have these past few years we’ve been together. And they act fine to my face, but then when the ex is around, it’s like no one speaks to me, and I’m not a part of their family. I’ve said something to my spouse. He says he will deal with it. But he’s concerned that saying something to his family will fall back on his relationship with his child because they will say something to his ex. Truthfully I don’t want to cause a scene. I just wanted him to know I’m uncomfortable, and they make me feel like I have to compete with this woman and won’t allow me to be part of their family as well. They treat me like the red-headed stepchild. And I don’t care for it. I’m really at the point where I don’t want to go to family functions because my children and I don’t even feel included, and they treat his ex and her children (only one of them is his biologically) like they’re superior to me and mine even though I’ve tried and tried to build relationships with his family. What would you do? I’m a firm believer that it’s not MY place to say something to his family. And I don’t want to potentially be the reason there are issues between him and his child. I’d love for everyone to just get along and everyone is included, even his ex. But how do you accomplish that at this point?

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well if you don’t speak up then how can they know what you feel… in the end they will continue to treat you this way since it has been allowed and really you have to think of your children too…put it to his mom like this what if their grandchild he has with the ex was in your position would they his family expect that their grandchild be treated well accepted and loved??? If the answer is yes then say why can’t you treat me with that same courtesy I love your son I love your grand child and I am apart of the grand child life I wouldn’t allow anyone to do this to my children nor would I support them accepting bad treatment from the family of the person they love…in the end you gotta do it for you and you can say I have chosen to try for the love I have for your son but even Jesus has limits…

Time for you to stop trying and do what’s right for you and your children for in the long run they are being treated like second best and you mom are sitting back and letting it happen so wake up next time they plan something you plan something different on the same day for you and your children for doesn’t look like he cares how you and your children feel so time to ask yourself is this really how you want your children to be brought up for trust me when they get older they will look down at you for allowing it in the first place.

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Get a back bone woman your children are being hurt!!!

You sound like a very nice reasonable lady who’s got her head bolted on ! I’ve experienced similar to you …I tried and tried my daughter and I were ignored by a in- law family member, and MIL always bowed to her because she didn’t want to upset her … what I did…attended the ‘family’ functions spoke to everyone‘hello’ the usual pleasantries…then let them get on with it held my head high and thought balls to all of you …my husband never said anything as he didn’t want to rock the boat …don’t lower yourself keep doing what you do …maybe don’t be so available to help out …good luck

Just don’t go when his family plans stuff and leave them alone. They don’t want you there, then don’t go. Find other things to do.

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I think that you need to tell them exactly how you feel in a nice, respectful way… that you have no issue with his ex, but are feeling a little left out and that you really want to feel like you are a part of their family with her included… truthfully it’s probably hard for them to know exactly how to act in that situation as well since she is the ex and you are his wife… maybe sit down with them and explain how you are feeling.

Do yourself and kids a big favour and stay away from these family functions, he not willing to rock the boat, and you’re not going to be disrespected by this nonsense, don’t even say anything anymore about it to him just do that for your own sanity. If his family says anything to you about it, then you tell them straight, you didn’t know you and your kids would have made a difference because you never feel welcomed whenever you are there.

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I would stay away from his family, if he wants me to spend time around then then he’ll speak up about the way they act.

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You did the right thing by going to your spouse and telling him how you feel. He should as a man tell his family regardless of this Ex. Your the wife not her. But if they’re not treating you or your children right I wouldn’t go around them till they do.

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It stopped it’s time for you to stop trying if your husband is not by your side and he can’t be there and speak up for you because his family and his other kids treat you one way I’ll be damned if I would let somebody treat me that way especially his family no and as for his children hell no you weren’t second best and you weren’t taking leftovers so if I was you I’ll put my big girl panties on and do things my way honey don’t like it oh well he’s just a dingaling around the house children are forever

The way you’re being treated is wrong but it’s hard to change these situations. The bright side is that it sounds like you and your husband have a good relationship where you can talk about these things and respect each other. That’s more important so just keep working together and you will find the best solution

First off stop looking after her kids. Second any family functions? Plan one of your own. And insist your husband attend, after all he is married to you. Stay away.
Being the second wife is always fraught with animosity.
Tell him again how you are hurt by his lack of support.
Your children are the ones being hurt.
Have you married a man who was free emotionally ? Or one who wants his cake and eating it??

Your husband needs to man up and tell his family to smarten up ! . Don’t be a doormat do for them as they have done unto you

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Wow, I have chills, I feel like I’m reading a story about ME! This is so accurate to me and my husbands situation accept I stopped being nice, o stopped trying , my mental health started being compromised by all of it and after 6 years I decided I was going to stop making an effort to be a part of the family. My husband has my back 100% and he stopped associating with them as well. Its been a full year of zero contact with these ppl and things have been great, my husband disowned his entire family as he should, I’m his wife and bs needed to stop. Stand your ground and demand respect! I’m sorry your dealing with this because your the wife now and they shouldnt be treating you like a stranger.

I would refrain from going to anymore family functions especially u feel your being shunned out eventually theyll wonder why.your being a no show and if they care explain why u dont care to go and be in thier company. Good luck in your situation

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Let get herself a baby sitter to help her child…focus on your own kids and stay away from family functions. Clearly they have not accepted you and its okay.

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Let them be. Stay away from them, it’s hard but you will accept and eventually you will be happy. Give them space even if hubby is going to the gatherings dnt stop him,just make sure he’s smart and neat but you stay at your home for peace sake. Been there and it’s working alright for me :kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart:

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