My husbands ex will not communicate with me about their son: Advice?

My husband & I have been together almost four whole years by the end of this month, & we have two beautiful baby boys together, a three-year-old & 2-year-old… He has another son from a previous relationship 5 1/2 years old… I have tried many times before to reach out to his son’s mother to see if I can go pick him up & take him back to her on the days that we are COURT ORDERED to get him, which is every other Friday & Saturday, but she refuses to communicate with me & will only communicate with my husband, so, therefore, she just TRIES to cut me out of the picture completely… My husband works seven days a week & a lot of times he cannot go pick him up because of work, we do not live in the same town as his son, but it’s only like a 35-minute drive away, so because she doesn’t want to let me go pick him up we miss out on seeing him sometimes… It just makes me so upset because she will only speak to my husband and alone let him go pick him up, I believe I am his family as well & I should have the right to go pick him up being that he will be with ME & his brothers for most of his stay, which she knows… Am I overreacting? Or am I trying to do something that I have no say in?


So check your custody agreement because it should say that the father or his acting agent should be allowed to pick him up at designated times. If it says that then you can pick him up.


The court order i have with my ex states who can pick the kids up etc so maybe that’s why she’s not communication or maybe she’s just worried about someone else around her child. It’s never easy letting them go and regardless of how long it’s been it’s going to be difficult but check your court order incase it says only your husband can collect and drop off

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I think your hubbys ex is overreacting. You are not just some girl. You are his wife and you gave birth to her sons siblings. Sounds like someone is bitter.


Do you still have a lawyer? If so, instruct them to write to her/her lawyer and say that she’s effectively frustrating contact by being so intransigent. If needs be, your husband will need to return the matter to court.


She is not obligated to communicate with you and at 5 1/2 his dad should make time to pick him up and drop him off. All custody agreements are between her and the dad you don’t have a say legally


No…you aren’t overreacting, but yes, you may not be able to do much about it. It’s unfortunate that she’s letting her pride come in the way of her son’s wellbeing. Just keep being as consistent as you can with him and hope that she relaxes eventually.

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4yrs is a long time to be bitter


He should be able to send someone to get his kid but if the kid isnt even spending the time with his dad than I understand her now wanting to send him. Its dad time not step mom time.


I feel like there’s some information missing here. Like why she’s reserved about it? Do they have something going on behind your back or is she expecting something from him? Did you do something to her that you can think of?

As an objective outsider I would say you’re absolutely right. As a child from divorced parents who weren’t getting along: she thinks you stole him so she doesn’t want you to interfere. And the court will probably say that the father should make more of an effort if he really wants to see his son. Can’t you ask someone else to pick him up, a family friend you trust, a family member? I would be worried that she would go to court to prevent him from seeing his son and they stop visitations because his dad has failed to pick him up. Maybe try mediation?

If shes refusing to let the child go with you that’s defying a court order. Talk to your lawyer file contempt of court


Devils advocate. You want this lady to hand over her baby to you, but would you hand your babies over to her? Trust is a two way street. Sometimes it takes more to earn someone’s trust than persistence and being married to the father of her son.


Check the court order to see if it say you can and then if she refuses try the police as it’s your time (but most likely till you to take it back to court, but always worth a try) if not then you need to take it back to court and get it amended so you can pick him up and ask judge to put on the order that if she refuses the police have a right to collect him and hand him over, that will hopefully make her not to stop you, some ex’s just can’t get over the other side even tho they don’t want them (but no-one else can have them type)

I think the best bet is to just take it to court to modify papers that your husbands spouse (doesn’t have to say your name) or anyone else your husband designates can go pick up/drop off the child.

I’ve had to travel 2 hours (there AND back) to pick up my husbands kids by myself because he just couldn’t leave work. My husband also picks up/drops off my kids to their dads/dads wife all the time. It would be extremely frustrating to not be able to coparent this way and have someone be so damn bitter.

Especially after 4 years!


I mean you’re not overreacting no. However unless that court order says you are allowed to go pick him up and take him home and anything like that your husband is only one that is allowed to. He will have to request it to be changed in the court legally and of course she may object. Yes you might feel she’s being petty or you might feel that she shouldn’t do that but it is within her right. It’s hard and it’s frustrating yes because the children are the one that suffer but until there is something on paper then nothing will change

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No offence but i wouldn’t like some one else than my child’s father picking the child up either…the whole purpose of the child going to the father is to spend time with the father…it’s hard for a mother to have to deal with their ex new wife like substitute mother for her child. I understand where you’re coming from but i would do the same thing :woozy_face: i am the mother and he’s the father and nobody else should be envolved in the picking up and dropping of and communication regarding the child


You’ll need to get a lawyer and modified to include you. She is not obligated to communicate you (. Selfish of her yes, but also respect ). Understand you are the wife but court order doesn’t say anything about you.

Stay in your spot. That’s between them not you.


She dont need too lmao he should be doing the communicating