My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for 6. We live near practically all of his family, and they are always intruding on how we raise our children. Dropping in daily unannounced and just walking in our house without knocking. If we don’t answer, they go to other doors of our home and look in and knock until we answer. Two family members, in particular, are super overbearing and to the point that we’ve gotten into verbal altercations because I cannot deal with them telling me what to do. I’ve spoken to my husband about it, but he will not talk to them about the situation. Recently, I’ve been trying to talk to him about moving, and he always has an excuse. He can’t leave his family hanging; we aren’t financially stable to buy a home (we definitely are) and various other excuses. I’m tired of living this nightmare daily, and I’m tired of begging him to make a change for our kids and us. What can I do or say to get him to understand? I am totally at my wit’s end with this. Thanks in advance!
I am sorry you are going through this. It’s tough to have overbearing in laws, I would try talking to him again because something needs to change and he should respect your feelings! Could you maybe talk to them?
Is your husbands name Raymond?
Tell them to shut the f*ck up or leave. That simple.
Start packing your stuff and the kids. Show him you’re serious. Tell him they’ve pushed you too far.
If they don’t have keys I would keep all the doors locked. If he won’t mention it I would nicely bring it up with the individuals.maybe by keeping the doors locked they will get a hint
My inlaws live 2 houses down from me, I feel your pain, however he’s ready to move more so then me now. I’m always a dm away if you need to talk.
It sounds like this is “normal” for his family in general and he probably grew up like that…and you know what?
Just because it’s not your normal doesnt mean that it’s not normal.
Just because you dont like it doesnt mean that it bothers your husband or that it should bother your husband.
At this point, it sounds like you’re not particularly hearing his feelings about it because you’re too blinded by your own.
You’re not necessarily wrong either. You’re entitled to your feelings.
But you are in a marriage. It’s not just about him or you it’s about both of you as a couple. I would suggest sitting down and having a real conversation with him where you go in ready to hear his side to.
And work to find a compromise you both find acceptable.
Weird. I go to any of my sister homes and always walk in… never knock unless its locked and we all live in same small town. They do same at my home to . And eat eachothers food… no asking… its family
He needs to speak to his family that is rude
Put your foot down and tell your Husband you would like for him to please Be Involved and Supportive of getting the message across to His Family that this Uninvited Visits, and showing up without any notice and Especially telling his family to Back Off and Stop telling you how to Raise/discipline your children & how to run your House hold. I’d Give your Husband a Very Serious Talk and tell him that you would really Love to move your Family and if he does not want to move then tell him you are willing to Move Without him (If it’s Possible that is )
I had a Situation when I First got into my Relationship with my Spouse, and I basically told my Spouse that things needed to change and if he was not willing to Support me and what we wanted then this Relationship was Not going to work out if I was going to be the only one putting my foot down and standing up for what we want for our Relationship, so after so work on a couple of things and our Communication got even better and stronger with each other, things so much better, healthier and happier
We are still together going on 7 years in July
Prayers things work out the way you want them to and prayers for Strength for you to continue to Speak for what you want, and I really hope your Husband realizes he needs to stand up to His family along with Supporting you rather then just letting his Family walk all over you guys
Ahhh noooo lol I don’t even answer the phone for my family or his but do NOT come knocking on my door unannounced!!! Close the blinds, curtains, and lock your doors! People need their privacy and that’s just rude!
I get some of these comments that they are family & blah blah blah, but soemtimes people like there own time alone aswell
I cannot imagine how you feel. I am an introvert so I hate unannounced visits! I would definitely lock my doors because not only unwanted guests, but burglars could enter. I would mention that I would appreciate a call or something like if I had known you were coming I would have prepared something. When it comes to your kids go al in ike I it appreciate your input.
I would implement a few things immediately. #1, every time they show up unannounced, invite them in but be clear that you were just about to leave to go to the bank, the store, the park, a friends, anywhere. Then proceed to get ready and leave. Tell them next time they should call ahead to make sure you aren’t busy. Or option #2, be naked, or as close to it as you can be with your kids around. Make them uncomfortable, let them know without words they are intruding on your space. #3, be busy. Bring the kids upstairs with you and be busy vacuuming rooms, or folding laundry, or bath time etc. Just leave them sitting in the living room alone. Or send the kids to clean their rooms or rec room and proceed to be busy in the kitchen, or stay mopping the floors etc. Be a crappy host essentially. And when they complain, explain that you had plans and you have things you need to do and can’t drop everything just because they feel like stopping by.
Maybe marriage counseling would help you find common ground. Perhaps certain days when drop-ins are allowed, and other days not. Once someone starts telling you how to raise your children you tell them, firmly, “I think it’s time for you to leave now.” Or if you can ignore it, “Thank you for sharing,” and go about your business.
Would they barge in if you were having sex? Can you barge into their houses unannounced?
Better set boundaries now and knock that shit off.
My grandma does this it is very irritating. I brought a padlock for the front gate so she can’t annoy me daily. She will knock on windows if I ignore the door and ring my phone constantly. It’s overbearing and extremely rude.
Make an excuse to leave with kids every time they pop in. They soon get the hint
You need to sit down with your husband and have a serious one on one conversation abt the situation. It’s your marriage and happiness on the line. We have had similar situations. The only thing that worked was understanding each other’s wants and needs and boundaries. Not everyone’s personality are the same so he cannot expect you to just be okay with his “normal” family ways when obviously it’s not the “normal” family ways for you. You need to both compromise enough to make one another comfortable, otherwise long term your marriage will fail due to lack of respect and boundaries. For instance if your husband is home, then he can invite his family over or go to his family’s home to visit. Your house needs boundaries they need to call to see if your not busy and If you’d like company. If your husband is at work, you should definitely not be expected to “entertain” his family. Also if you both work the same days then there needs to be days just dedicated to only your family being home. If your husband feels inclined to visit with his family on those days he can go to his families home. That way you can get your peaceful time in as well. No family is perfect but boundaries are a must! If he is unwilling to compromise then I suggest getting couples therapy and if he does not want to do that, then I’m sorry hun but you have to decided what kind and how much misery your willing to live with. Lots of luck!