My husbands family dislikes me and I think he may be talking badly about me to them: What should I do?

Me and my partner have been together for nearly 10 years, we have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. His parents have never really liked me or taken much of an interest in our children. It has never really bothered me too much because my family are very involved with them. A couple of nights ago it was getting late and he wasn’t home from work so when i rang him to see where he was he told me he was at his parents house and he wasn’t coming home he was going to stay there, I felt a little angry but said fine. The next day when he comes home everything is fine but I overhear him on the phone to his father telling him he’s not miserable and he’s not bowing down to anyone and no don’t say anything, I feel like he’s talking behind my back to them. Every time I try to initiate a play date with his sister and the children she makes up an excuse, I told her maybe next time she should initiate it first then, she told me to go F myself and that he owns the house I’m just living in it. That was just me causing drama then to my partner and he got very angry at me. His father then put a note in my parents letter box saying to ring him, his father is very aggressive and once referred to my daughter as a little B. My parents of course did not ring. My partner is in his 30s but I feel very confused by the way he’s acting. I’d just like to be supported by him when I say “your sister should not speak to me like that”. I feel it’s me against his family.

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It’s his job to say something if they are treating you badly. My ex MIL was a bully and I couldn’t stand her. Her constant undermining of my parenting and disrespecting me in my own house is what caused me to break the ties. Personally if that were me I’d be taking the kids and myself somewhere else. I refuse to allow my kids in a toxic environment like that. And js if someone called my daughter a bitch that’s grounds for an ass beating.

Oh dear that sounds odd… why is he being awkward towards you …

I would leave. Cause it probably won’t change

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If his family cant accept you or your children then ignore them if your partner is talking about you to his family slap him with divorce paper tell him now go talk about this to them. That’s not right no man should allow his family to treat the women he loves like shit. Sorry but maybe it’s time you treat his family the same an have yours treat him the same to show him how belittling it is

I have zero tolerance for a weak man. I left my first marriage because of similar issues. A man that can’t defend and protect his wife is useless. Why have him around?

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Maybe it’s time to leave ND move on especially if he isn’t gonna defend u or ur children against his family

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I had this happen once. We didn’t end up working out.

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It sounds like he is leading a double life. IF you’re up for it, try asking his family what is wrong, why are they treating you like this but be prepared to be brushed off rudely. To me it sounds like your partner wants out and has had one foot out the door all along. Seems like he has prepared a cushion for himself making you the problem and that makes it very clear that he is done with your relationship. I would leave. This sounds very odd and I doubt it’ll get better. You and your children deserve better. Find resources asap and leave.

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Sounds like the whole family (including your husband) has issues with mental and verbal abuse. It’s only a matter of time before the physical abuse starts. You need to leave.

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Honestly I’d go with a passive approach as it does seem like they are attacking you which isnt right and from his point of view this is his family so start by telling him you would like to talk without becoming defensive for yourself and for him as he has to listen to them defend you because he loves you and clearly this is a constant battle. Let him know you love him either way and this line that is separating you & your children from really being a part of things is taking its toll on you and you want to try and understand what’s going on and where this us coming from because you want to make your relationship better ( by him not talking behind your back) . I mean of course I’d feel hurt and betrayed because my other half is talking negatively about me to his loved ones. Once that is out then start going to counseling once a week and let him know you would like for him to go because you what to strengthen your relationship whereever the therapist feel it needs mending. Trust is a huge part of relationships and once that is being attacked the negative feelings start to come out. I say get at the root before it really becomes a problem and name calling by the grandfather is just sad, I mean who calls their grandchildren names?! But of course that would be something brought up when a mediator is around. Finally if he doesn’t agree to recognize this is a problem that is going to tear your family apart and doesnt want to make it better I’d be letting him know that he is the problem and he is the one allowing this line to separate you by not standing by you and including you and the children and you’ll be taking steps to move on and possibly move out but because you are married, make sure your ducks are in a row and you have things set up for big changes. Noone deserves that treatment but for the sake of marriage & family the other half should know exactly how you feel and how he can make it better and vice versa but don’t stick around if he is going to ditch to be with his family and not support you emotionally.

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I feel like you should have a good talk with your husband about this. Find out if he is unhappy about something and try to work out any issues. As far as his sister, I think I would stop trying to have anything to do with her, she sounds like a toxic person, why keep trying to initiate anything with her! Same with the rest of his family, if y’all are happy together they need to butt out.

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That doesn’t sound like a happy situation. They should not be treating you like that.

I’m in a similar situation with my mil & her mom & let me tell u it freaking sucks. We aren’t married but we share a kid & are a family but they never seem to respect that & always try to turn him against me :confused: & he lets them. He thinks I cause everything. I honestly think leaving is best bc I don’t think its going to change. If u want to talk about anything feel free to message me. I could use the convo too.
Best of luck , xoxo

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Lol I tell my husband straight up my kids will not be around anybody who badmouths me. He thought I was joking. We have an 8 month old boy and his cousin doesn’t know anything about him. She has gotten glances at family functions but no actual touching or talking. Her daughter got to hold him and he was passed around at a family function with everyone else. She told my husband she feels left out. Well I mean I am needy, only depressed for attention, and somehow with all four kids ppd and postpartum anxiety is an excuse. Ya no I got mad and tried to explain to her that it’s a real medical condition and if she needs to see my doctors notes I will give them to you. But I am a liar apparently. The point is if this is how his family is your kids are to busy with your family. When he gets mad tell him he had the option to stop it and you didn’t. Unless they stop no one in his family will know our children. May not bug them at first but it will.

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Talk with your husband, and then talk with his family separately! Ask them why they don’t like you and do not interrupt when they are basically “talking shit” if they say some bs that your husband told them then he is definitely talking shit about you himself, and it needs to get resolved and if none of them are willing to change or talk out their problems it’s time to leave because that shit will never change and you’re just going to be put through hell and bringing your children along for the ride, there’s absolutely no reason for them to dislike and call your kids names when they don’t even hang out with them! So if they don’t want to talk it out with you fuck them and leave.

Been there done that. It won’t stop. I would leave. I just got out of a 10 year marriage JUST like this.

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Get those toxic people out of your life. Send your husband with them.

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If he allows it then you have your answer. In a relationship/marriage you don’t allow anyone to disparage your partner… Family, friends or strangers. He’s allowing it honey, the bright flashing neon sign is on the wall. Either you live this way and tolerate it without complaint, put your foot down, demand your respect from HIM and them or get out now! I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be disrespected like that. I’m really not that girl.

Meh. My husbands family only speaks Arabic. I never know what they say.

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