I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. We have a blended family. His kids have been distant due to baby mama drama. One teen is an antagonist, and I just don’t know how to cope with his nasty and rude comments towards EVERYONE and bullying behavior towards ALL of our other children. He thinks he is being funny and gets a rise out of making everyone miserable and annoying/aggravating them. Their father tries very hard to correct his behavior and has very stern conversations, but he still reverts to his terrible ways. His mother lets him do whatever without consequences and does not care about him. I am the closest thing to a mother figure. I get told I need to “whoop his ass,” but I feel like why should I do anything when I didn’t create this monster. I am tired of telling an almost grown young man to stop harassing everyone (which is at least 20 times a day if not more)My question is, how can we fix this? Why does he do this? How can I get him to stop? The other children are respectful and respond well to corrective action. He just doesn’t care and says, “what are you going to do about it?!” TIA!
Honestly at this point, if he’s old enough. Tell him he needs to start paying rent or leave. Give him a time limit, if not. Take everything away from him when he’s with you. It depends on how into his teens he is xx
How old is he? Maybe he should spend time with his real mom that doesn’t care and then he might appreciate your actions, if not give him back his same attitude, take his stuff till he earns it back
First of all you should stop calling him a monster. Second, dont let him stay at your place with that attitude, and get him help.
Get him into therapy if possible and tell him he can’t be there as long as this behavior continues…let him go do that at his mom house not yours…as soon as it starts he needs to leave…
Calling him a monster is only going to get him to act our more. If ur really his only mother figure you shouldn’t call him that maybe you both need to get into family counseling before you resent him more and so he can get help with what’s really going on
Sounds like nobody is giving consequences and he knows it. You guys aren’t parenting any better than the other house. What are you going to do about it? He asks bc he knows there’s no follow through. Actually do something about it.
Maybe he is acting out for attention. Is he the oldest? Is he getting one on one time with you and his father? Do you treat him with the same love and care as your own children? If his own mom treats him like shit maybe he needs somebody to show him more love and kindness…
Have you heard of backhanding him a couple times. He’s in YOUR house he should respect you if he can’t do that make him stay away for a week or so but don’t take his bullshit if your husband can’t correct his behavior. He’s a teen not a toddler
You need to put your feet down. I would also suggest seeking professional help. Speak to his school counselor about his behavior at home and ask if they have other programs outside of school that may be able to help him
Ignore him and tell others to do the same. don’t give rise to his comments no matter how bad it is, don’t react.
I would approach with compassion and ask him the same questions you asked here- talk to him. He probably won’t reciprocate much at first but remain calm and continue to try. Give him LOTS of positive reinforcement for the good things he does, no matter how small. Tell him how proud you are of him. Be kind to him. Try to form a closer bond, and maybe he will open up to you.
Maybe he needs to see a therapist? Sound like he doesn’t know to correctly express his emotions, which he should at his age. May he just has a lot of built up anger no one talks about. I’d say it’s worth a shot.
Oh my goodness are we talking about my stepson?? girl I feel ya. I’m just waiting for him to turn 18 so I can boot his ass out. We have done nothing but go out of our way for him and we have got nothing but drama and unnecessary disrespect in return. There really isn’t anything we can do because his mom feeds into him. Just biding our time
The attitude is a cry for “really show you care and do something about my actions” - if his bio mom just lets him do whatever with no consequences then he comes to your home and the same thing he’s seeking sterness - outside of talking - from you and his dad. I feel he sees the other kids get good interactions with you all bc I’m guessing they are still young enough to mold into respectful young adults but this child is the older of them and was never given that opportunity. Don’t verbalize and consequence and not follow through on it - show him you care enough to give a smacking to his behind or take away his priviledges if he has any that would bother him. Both you and your husband need to take a timeout from the other kids and have a heart to heart with this one before it gets worse and stick with what you say and you will be amazed at the transformation that can occur from it. Good luck and I truly hope you have never called him a monster where he could hear - he could have some low self-esteem going on.
Take him to a psychologist
spank him i agree just cause u dint birth him dont mean u allow him to disrespect you in ur house in front of ur kids he should be treated as if he was urs and if ur letting him get away with it ur creating the problems as well u wanna be a mother figure be one not leave discipline out thats not helping him u do what u would if u birthed him n if dad gives the ok then u need to do whats best for the child not because u dint birth him smh
How old is he? Get him in to counseling.
If he is young teens, the moment he starts the behavior, silently get up and start removing everything from his room. Leave a change of clothes, his bed, and that’s it. Maybe an alarm clock if he has one. Dont say anything else to him. He acts like that because someone in his life has taught him to, and then he has been taught that respect is optional. If you engage, you are giving him the attention he wants. If you do nothing, he will keep doing it. So, dont engage, take his things, and after a week or two of NO bad behavior, he can earn a few things back. If he is older (16 or 17) I would tell him when he starts bullying, to grab his stuff, pack his bags (or do it for him) then drive him back to his mothers home and explain that you dont allow bullying behavior in your home but he is more than welcome to return when he learns how to respect others.
School of some kind during the day, a job or some kind of activity afterward and weekends he should be going to another out of the house activity. If he’s not there he can’t bother anyone. He’ll realize that he’s being left out of the family dynamic, reverse psychology possibly. Why isn’t he spending time with his mother? Your husband clearly isn’t parenting with “tough love” because it’s not working with what he’s already tried. Send him on a retreat or respite somewhere but let him know it’s not a punishment it’s so he can get in touch with the feelings he is showing towards others. Neither you or his father have done enough to help him or protect the ones he’s around.